User’s Guide to Disappearing (Terms, Conditions & Mild Trauma Apply)

Sometimes disappearing isn’t about running away.

It’s about testing who notices you’re gone—and who never did.

Consider this your survival manual, with a splash of sarcasm and a few bite marks.

Step 0:

Don’t.

Don’t disappear.

Scream.

Break something.

Ask for help.

But since you won’t—welcome to the manual.

Step 1:

Be quiet long enough and they’ll write your eulogy in real time.

“She was always so strong,” they’ll say—

as if silence is resilience

and not just despair with manners.

Step 2:

Stop replying.

Let their messages pile like apologies that came too late.

Mark them unread, like you did their red flags.

Step 3:

Turn off your location.

You’re no longer GPS-compatible.

You're folklore now.

A rumor in someone else's therapy session.

Step 4:

Practice looking fine.

Smile like you paid for it.

Make “I’m okay” your brand.

Even your mirror stops asking questions eventually.

Step 5:

Pack your essentials:

meds you lied about taking

three lies you still tell yourself

your mother's voice telling you not to make a scene

Step 6:

Leave no note.

Or leave one that says:

"Hope this solves your inconvenience."

Attach a receipt. For the therapy you never got.

Step 7:

Burn every version of you they said was “too much.”

Leave only the bones.

They’re quieter.

Step 8:

Reinvent.

Be someone who drinks oat milk and has goals.

Pretend to love hiking.

Pretend you weren’t planning your vanishing while they were planning brunch.

Step 9:

Learn loneliness like a second language.

Fluent, but with an accent.

Step 10:

Get a pet.

Not for companionship—

But someone finds you before you start to smell.

Step 11:

Post something cryptic online.

They’ll think it’s poetry.

It’s a breadcrumb.

They never follow it.

Step 12:

Disappear for real.

Not just physically.

Emotionally.

Spiritually.

Digitally.

Politely.

Step 13:

Come back, maybe.

Or don’t.

The world kept spinning.

Spoiler: it didn’t miss you.

Final Tip:

If you vanish and no one notices,

You didn’t disappear—

You were never really here.