Two Secrets

“Is this how it was meant to go?”

“No. But in all honesty, I wasn’t expecting anything at all.”

“Can you tell me how you were expecting things to happen?”

“The only thing I expected was to just be fed then leave.”

“Fed?”

“Yeah. Fed.”

“What do you mean you expected to be fed? What the Hell were you expected to be eating?”

“…different kind of fed.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You can’t be serious. You really should be able to tell by now.”

“No. I have no idea what the Hell do you mean?”

“…dude, I’m a vampire.”

“What?! Wait, wait…you were going to drink my blood?!”

“Only a little! I wasn’t going to kill you!”

“Dude! Still! You can’t just drop that you’re a vampire on me li-wait, what do you mean that I should have known?”

“Oh. You really want to play dumb like that?”

“…I’m not playing.”

“Are you serious? You’re not messing with me here?”

“No. I’m not messing with you. I’m not playing dumb, I’m just genuinely dumb here.”

“I uh. I wasn’t expecting to have to tell you this.”

“Tell me what? You’re freaking me out here. What the Hell do you know about me that I wouldn’t know?”

“Dude, you’re a werewolf.”

“…you serious? That’s the stupidest thing that I have ever heard of in my life. Werewolves aren’t real.”

“You’re talking to a vampire, and you think werewolves are fake?”

“Because they are! What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“Uhh…well, I didn’t originally think you were one until now. Now I’m really reconsidering how smart I thought you were.”

“Hey! I know I’m dumb, but I’m not dumb enough to believe in werewolves or that I am one! I’m not a werewolf!”

“You are one. Like your scent and heartbeat prove it.”

“Heartbeat?”

“Oh, yeah. Werewolves have really fast heartbeats, and they smell kind of earthy. You always smell kinda earthy.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And I thought you knew because of my scent and stuff. I guess those enhanced senses are only in your shifted state.”

“What makes you think I am one?”

“Ever black out and come to where you don’t remember blacking out?”

“Well. Yeah. A few times.”

“Were you covered in blood each time?”

“Not all the time. Sometimes I just woke up covered in mud, twigs, and leaves. But I figured that I was just sleepwalking.”

“Even when you woke up covered in blood?”

“Okay, that I rationalized as some kind of umm…I dunno. Fake blood? I didn’t really want to think of it as real blood.”

“How the Hell weren’t you suspicious of that?”

“I didn’t want to think that I was sleep-mauling people….”

“Weren’t you curious enough to try and restrain yourself?”

“It wasn’t all the time so I just…I mean I just…forgot?”

“You forgot. You forgot?! The Hell do you mean you forgot?! How do you forget something like that?!”

“I figured they were just weird sleepwalking episodes! I didn’t think much of it! Also, I got a lot on my plate! Besides this isn’t about me! This is about you trying to turn me into a juice box!”

“Well, I ain’t anymore! I’m more worried about you and your stupid ass! Like how did you become a werewolf and not realize it!”

“I don’t know! I mean I didn’t get bit by one!”

“Did you get scratched by a big dog?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“…oh, for the love of…”

“What?”

“That’s how you become a werewolf, dipstick! A scratch or bite by a werewolf does it!”

“Oh…I just thought it was a bite. I didn’t know it could be a scratch.”

“…ok. Second, we’re going to my place to get you prepared for your next moon. And third, we’re going to find out who bit you.”

“Is there a first thing?”

“Yeah. We’re going squirrel hunting so I can have something to feed on.”