Twist Your Decrepit Bones to This

Hey little sister. It's about that time again. Right out the gate I have to say, I'm sorry. When the band first came to your stupid little beach town last year I hadn’t planned on falling for you. We played that epic set under the boardwalk Halloween night and had all the intention of finishing off the audience promptly afterwards. And then I saw you. This tiny little cheerleader fighting to the stage front jumping around like a maniac. You were a wild thing you know? You and your psycho witch friends. And don’t get me wrong, I would’ve eaten them eventually too. Especially after your best friend caught me with the cheerleading captain and became terribly enraged. (And she was nothing to me I swear to you) Then she had to go and curse me and the entire town. Yes, your stupid friends summoned every, demon, ghoul and zombie from here to San Francisco. They set the sun in the sky for days rendering us unable to leave our cave. Didn’t know what you were getting yourselves into poor things. I could've saved everyone. Didn't they know what I was?

Babe, I'm sorry I couldn’t save you and I’m sorry you’ll never be able to cheer again. But I did turn you out. I mean how could I not? God you were pretty. I hope you'll keep that gorgeous complexion in living death but there’s just no telling. Now it's nearly time for you to rise again and I pray you won’t be too sore at me. Your friends are alive and well. And sure, you’re dead. But you’re not dead. The boys and I want to do something special for you. It is your first year as a vampire after all! We’re playing a show on Halloween night under the boardwalk. Again, but monsters only this time. No humans allowed and not your witch friends either. It’ll be the set of ’84. I’m playing all of your favorite songs. Jim Morrisons featured twice because I know how much you love the guy.

You and your friends got one thing right. Halloween was always for the punks and the freaks. And in honor of you I’ve got only the grooviest collection of punk-rock for you baby. Billy Idol, The Ramones, the 'Cults I’ve got you covered. None of that kids stuff. Yes it’s well rounded too. We’ve got Dusty, the Zombies and the Animals for all your 60's twisting needs. I'm telling you babe, It will be THE perfect soundtrack to smash heads, bite necks, and tear up the town to. Hon, you are touring with us? It's only right. I mean you’d never make it out here on your own. Better to be seen with us. How many punk rock bands do you know are fronted by a member of the living dead?

I promise this will be something you can get down to. I know how much you love to dance. Ghouls and goblins head bang too you know. “Thriller'' is an instant classic, you’re gonna love it. But you, like all the best vamps, are a punker at heart. This one's for all you have-been beatniks and freaks. You've got to be stiff locked away in that coffin all year, rotting 6 feet under the cold packed dirt. I should know. The rigid tendons, the holes eaten into your bones. When the moon rises on the most menacing night of the year, you'll need something to warm up to honey. Twist your decrepit old bones to this. Our set list may not be the most classic, but it'll get you off your cold dead ass.

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