Twilight Time

So many things I never thought about when I had a job and an apartment and a girlfriend and a dog. Things like, well look at all the windows up and down this street.

Just think about it for a sec.

Behind every one of those windows there are people doing things to - and I guess with - each other. Talking, not talking. Listening, not listening. Fighting, not fighting. Sleeping. Fucking. Crying. Doing dishes. Throwing up. Showering. Ignoring the telephone. Watching TV. Reading. Looking out the window. Does any one of them ever wonder about the guy on the bench? Naw.

Even the people walking right past me don't notice me. And, believe me, not a one of them notices all those windows.

Not busy people like the ones on this street. Nope.

But to me, each window is a portal. Behind each one things are happening. A million rooms and each one smells different. Ever notice how other people’s homes smell? They think that when they come to your place but you don’t even notice it. From where I sit now, on this bench across from that massive housing complex, now I find myself noticing many things. I reach for my rum.

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Milly knew Danny’s friends all thought she was a bitch. What did they know? They all thought he was a riot, what with that classic Irish accent and those stories. Oh, yes, Danny's stories were legendary. But those people weren't around when he came home, fired from another job and reeking of Jameson's. She was about ready to call it quits anyway.

Then he hit her.

As a kid, Milly watched her father beat the living crap out of her mother every time he got drunk. No man was going to do that to her.

Milly took the dog and what clothes she’d need and was gone before he came to the next day. She blocked him on her phone and deleted all that lame ass social media crap. She got herself her own place and quit dating. All she ever seemed to attract were slick-talking losers.

Better to be alone.

Someone told her Danny got evicted. Too bad. She got up every goddamned day and showed up at work whether she felt like it or not. It wasn’t all that hard. People did it all the time. What, Danny was too good to do what everyone else did?

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It’s getting colder. Being out here at night, it’s not good. It was never good. I’ve been mugged and beaten up like four or five times. Maybe that won’t happen as much now that it’s cold, but I'll need me a coat. I need warm shoes.

Sitting here, lost in worry and suddenly I realize there’s a dragonfly hovering just above my head. It’s a beauty. Huge with eyes like blue sapphires or something. I can’t look away. All my problems, all the things I need and don’t have just go away. How does it do that, hover like that in the air with its wings just vibrating? It darts a bit back and forth, then rises and disappears into the last light of day.

What did I look like to it? Milly was right. I think the dumbest shit.

People are turning on their lights now. All those windows that hid what people were doing in the daytime now turn into stacks of television screens. I settle back with nowhere to go and watch them live their lives.

Like I used to do.

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