TUNE IN.

Crystal North

Portfolio Revision

12/09/19

Tune In: Revised

No one questioned the motives of the Television being the end-all to humanity, but I did. I hated everything about them. How they worked, how they operated, and even down to the way that they processed after being used for a short time. Humans live and die by their electronics, whether it be their cell phones, television, smartwatches, microwaves, toys, drones, and other electronics. The first encounter with these deadly machines was the television. It was a dreary Sunday morning when I was lying in bed reading a book and working on my latest article for The Fabled Times when my sister Zoriah came in with this massive brown box.

Zoriah: “Happy Birthday, twerp!”

Zeke: “No, you didn’t!” “I thought that no one would remember this time.”

Zoriah: “Wrong turd face, Mom has been planning this sad occasion for the last past two months…lucky.”

She was right; I was lucky because our parents forgot a lot. It was mainly dementia when it occurred, but for her to hold on to the memory is a blessing in disguise for me.

Zeke: “Oooh, what is it?”

Zoriah: “Open it, duh!”

My baby sister was the greatest baby sister of all time, but it was stipulations that came with her gorgeous dis-helved greatness. Like the funny, loving insults that she hurled at you, and the amounts of money, space, and food that she partook in and brought in. She lived, fast, loved harder, worked equally, and played harder. I ripped through the neatly wrapped package and found that it was a TV. I wasn’t big on electronics, partly because I didn’t know how to operate them, and the other half was because I was eco-concise. Just being one inch away from a television emitted EMF’s of 25-500 mG (milliGauss) and that was enough radiation for me.

Zeke: “I will call mother and father to thank them for the amazing gift, but baby sis, I won’t even turn that thing on, so you can place it in your room if you like.”

Zoriah: “No way! For real!” “You are amazing, and the best brother, a screwup genius like me could ever have!”

Zeke: “Yeah, yeah, just remember to keep it low and turn it off when you are not using it.”

Zoriah: “I’ll remember broski…You’re amazing, even if you have a turd for a face.”

Well, that was the last time that I heard from Zoriah. I remembered not even six hours ago; my sister was in her room playing Mortal Kombat, crafting her occultic eyes, eating the last of the cold pho that I had ordered at around 4 pm. A few hours later, I heard all the activity stop.

Zeke: “Let me check on this girl.” “Zoriah, do you want—” and just like that, she’s gone. White noise blaring, while her crystal grid had opened an energy vortex to the tv. Somehow the occultic/paranormal abilities she has been screaming about since she was three years old just so happens to be accurate, and a gray screen appeared on the gift-giving television.

Rod: “Are you looking for your Sister?”

Zeke: “Excuse me!”

Rod: “You heard me. Are you looking for your sister? Because I might be able to help.”

Zeke; “How are you talking to me through the tv and why am I talking back?

Rod: “Because your sister channeled into this channel if you will. Plus, aren’t you are here looking for someone you love, correct?”

Zeke: “Give me my sister back and now!”

Rod: “Your life for hers or possibly the life of another will do.”

Zeke: “Are you serious?”

Rod: “Dead…serious” “She hates to be alone. Would you like to speak with her and tell her how much you would rather save yourself than to save an eclectic and weird soul? With a border-line off from being a deadbeat such as she?”

Zoriah: “ZEKE! HELP MEEEEEEEEE! PLEASE!”

Zeke: “ZORIAH! IM COMING SIS!”

Rod: “Aht! I told you, a soul for a soul and you have 5 mins…my favorite show, ‘The Twilight Zone,’ is about to start. Tick tock, Tick Tock.”

I couldn’t believe what I was about to do, but I was not about to lose my sister, besides my parents would kill me. ‘This is one of those, ‘THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T OPEN PORTALS ZORIAH MORNINGSTAR LESSONS!’ I said to myself.

Landlord: “MISSES/MISTER MORNINGSTAR! I KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN THERE! YOU BOTH ARE A MONTH LATE AGAIN FOR THE 5TH MONTH IN A ROW! SOME WRITER YOU ARE! I'M CALLING THE COPS TO HAVE YOU BOTH EVICTED!

Zeke: ‘This perverted jerk solicits my sister for sex at the first of every month, then openly admits that he loves the smell of her undergarments, and then lastly recants on the having a pet policy all because he hates cats…Free-rent here I come’ “Wait, Mr. Epstein, my sister says she has the rent from you. She said, could you come to get it from her room? Come in, please!”

Mr. Epstein: Jingling the keys to expeditiously open the door, as he spills his bottle of Johnny Walker onto him and the floor. He begins to unlock the door as he burst through the room, calling out to her. “So, you finally gave in. I tried to tell you that playing nice with Uncle Epstein could get you a friend and a home for life. Where are you, my sweet? I want to see you in the coral lingerie that I slipped in the back of your closet.”

I was so nervous at what I was about to do that I was trembling with anticipation and disgust. I couldn’t believe what was racing through my head and heart right now, but God knows about how many times this man had inappropriately groped on my sister and other women, harassed me about our music, the partying coming from the party, and above all, made me send my cat back home to live with my parents. Screw it, and all morals were out the window. I’m saving my sister.

Zeke: “I have someone what do I do?

Rod: “Just tell him to come to the room, and I’ll do the rest.”

Zeke: “Zoriah! Call Mr. Epstein, your room. You heard what we have to do.”

Zoriah: “I’m back here, Mr. Epstein!

Mr.Epstein: “Now you know I told you to call me Uncle. We’re family now, let me take care of you…but you need to be dressed how I would like you to be when I come around, do you understand?”

I wanted to punch him in his wrinkled sick face, but I needed my sister more. I bit my tongue and proceeded to play nice and agreed. He walked over, and with every step he took, I took one further to the black box known as the TV. A voice appeared.

Rod: “Mr. Epstein, look into my eyes. Your soul will now be televised!” (Zapped! ZZzzzzzz!) And just like that, Zoriah was back. Hugging me ever so tightly, we both stopped and yelled, “Quick! Toss that damned thing!” Never tune in to another television again.