Trust Me. I Know Things.

Yeah, yeah, it’s nice, isn’t it? We own the whole area. The house, the grounds, and this pond.

Well, that’s what I wanted to explain. Ya see, the thing about this pond is that it allows you to go out of bounds. Now, if you’re a gamer, you know what that means. If you’re not, then allow me to explain, briefly. Going out of bounds, in gaming terms, means that you leave the defined area of the game; the area that the designers have built for you to walk around in. Sometimes you can find ways to break the boundaries which are designed to keep you trapped in that area. And if you do, you can often go around other in-game areas and skip them. You can effectively get to later parts of the game much quicker. Or, you can go backwards, which can lead to all manner of weird things.

Well, this pond, allows you to do that in real life. Yeah, you just swim down 20 feet, and you’ll find that actually there’s no bottom. The bottom is fake. You can just swim right through it. And if you do that, then swim left at a 35 degree angle for 10 seconds, then a 90 degree angle for 12 seconds, then swim up again, you’ll surface into a fountain, 7 miles away. BUT, and this is the important part, that fountain, 7 miles away, does not exist. At least, not in this time. No, it DID exist, but it was filled in 11 years ago.

So, basically, what I’m saying is, you can travel back in time 11 years using this glitch. And to come back, you simply swim back the way you came. Easy. Only problem is, you only have 3 hours, 57 minutes precisely when you get there. Why? Because 3 hours and 57 minutes from when you surface is when the crew comes to drain it, and fill it in. So, whatever you gotta do there, you gotta do it 3 hours and 57 minutes.

Yeah, I get what ya mean. But no, it always takes you to that same place, always 3 hours and 57 minutes before it’s filled in, so it can be done at any time, now, or in the future. It’s just 11 years ago from now. Next year it’ll be 12 years, and so on.

Am I serious? Of course, I’m serious. Go try it out for yourself, you don’t believe me. Remember the instructions though. They’re very precise. Any deviation, and you will die, even if you take breathing equipment with you.

Why, you ask? Because you fall through the map.

What does that mean? That means that you can enter a part of the map – ya know, the physical world we exist within – that has no collision. No water, no ground, no nothin’. So, you just fall, endlessly, until the game, or in this case, the universe, kills you. It’s a risk you’ll have to take.

How likely is that to happen? Well, I dunno. Depends on you. If you take some time to play around with it, and practise, you’ll reduce that likelihood, won’t you?

So, what ya think? You up for it? You want the job?

Yeah, I just need you to do that one thing for me. That’s it.

Well, it ain’t murder really, is it? It’ll be in the past. YOU can’t be arrested NOW for it, can you? I checked you out. You were nowhere near that place 11 years ago. Haha.

Look, it’s up to you. That’s the job. It’s pays 10 grand. Take it or leave it.

No, no, it wasn’t me who found that the pond could do this. It was someone else. I put it in game terms though since I’m a gamer, and I thought it was cool. Anyway, that is by the by. You want the job, or not? I ain’t got all day. There’s other people.

50 grand? Haha, come on now, let’s not be silly. I can go maybe 15.

20.

25.

Ok, deal.

Says here, you’re a champion swimmer. Gold medallist at the recent Olympics. Nice. That’s why I picked you. Part of the reason anyway. I know you’ve fallen on hard time since then. The 25K should make up for that, though, right? Huh?

Yeeeaaaahhh, see, you know it will.

Ok? Happy? All right then.

Absolutely.

Why don’t you take a dive, and try it out? I’ll get the money ready. I’ve cut a hole in the ice for you. Don’t worry, it won’t freeze over again for a good few hours yet. We just think it’s better to do this in winter, ya know? Less obvious if anyone starts poking their nose in.

Yeah, I’ll get you the floorplan too. You’ll wanna look it over.

Sure, you could take it with you, I guess, if you cover it up and keep it dry. Bottom line is, all you gotta do is get from that fountain in the central courtyard, into the house, up to the office, do the deed, and then get back again. And all in 3 hours and 57 minutes.

I hear your concerns. But, look, of course it’s important. Ok? The last 11 years, and the entire future will be better after this. Trust me. I know things.

Good, good. Ok, let’s get to work then.