Train of Thought

Darkness. At least initially there is darkness. That is until consciousness begins to flutter in like blood seeping into a carpet. Consciousness, at first, is encapsulated by hazy pixelations and incomplete imagery. Unfamiliar surroundings reign supreme in this new world. However, as the brain begins to integrate this incomplete picture, consciousness begins to feel like something more describable. The pixelations are beginning to feel more concrete. Finally, in what feels like an eternity, you regain complete control of your mental capacities. You are officially awake.

In the process of winning the battle to regain consciousness, an important discovery is made. You are aboard a train. This train seems to be uniquely distinctive. There are no passengers and there is no identifiable destination (that you know of). To complicate things further, you have no recollection of boarding the locomotive in the first place. Strangely enough, this realization is not bothersome. That’s not to say you’ve enjoyed your awakening either. Emotion is simply absent from this new world. Abject numbness seemingly enshrouds the interior of the train compartment.

After further inspection, it seems that your initial assertion of “no passengers” is incorrect. Just on the periphery of your line of sight you see a singular passenger. You aren’t close enough to the front of the compartment to get a great view, but from your particular vantage point it appears to be an older gentleman. He is seated forward, and the sunlight glistens on his distinctively bald head. It is not necessarily apparent if he recognizes your presence on the train, and you aren’t sure whether to make your presence known. After much internal deliberation, and the fact that this seemingly isn’t a bizarre dream, you decide to inch your way towards the man. Each step feels like a thousand miles, but you eventually reach the mysterious figure at the front of the cabin. He remains seated as before, but upon closer inspection, you notice a badge that simply reads “Conductor”. Conspicuous enough. However, strangely, he has still failed to verbally acknowledge your presence. The “Conductor” seems to be in a permanent haze. He is transfixed on the empty seat in front of him, and his eyes are lifeless, almost robotic in nature.

Putting aside the bizarre encounter, you finally take notice of the outside landscape. Maybe viewing your external surroundings will spark some idea as to the genesis of your predicament. However, just as with everything experienced thus far, nothing of substance is evoked. Just vast swaths of indistinguishable prairie. No sign of life, and no sign of vibrance. Much like the train, the surrounding world dulls the senses.

The slow clock of time continues to tick away. You aren’t sure how much time has elapsed, and even your perception of time itself seems to be clouded. It could be minutes, or even hours, but eventually you awaken from your monotonous gaze into the colorless world. Nothing has fundamentally changed in the train cabin. No passengers are present, aside from the mysterious “Conductor”, and the train continues to travel endlessly into the unknown. You do, however, come to the realization that there are other compartments of the train that have yet to be explored. In fact, when viewing through the window, the train extends so far in both directions that both the front and rear of the train are imperceptible to the naked eye. It’s time for action. You notice a door at both the front and back of the compartment. With both doors seemingly identical, you choose to investigate the door closest in proximity to the front of the cabin. After a quick glance towards the conductor, and still no sign of humanity, you firmly grasp the door handle. Brief hesitation gives way to pulling the handle down and stepping out of the cabin. You are instantly met with yet another door. This one happens to be labeled. Just one word: “Ecstasy”.

Upon entry, a rush of dopamine pierces your brain like a lightning bolt. You notice that this new compartment is nothing like its predecessor. Every seat in the cabin is occupied. Vibrance and extravagance exude from the passengers. Loud disco music pulsates throughout the cabin, drowning all its inhabitants in a sea of rhythmic delight. A rush of exhilaration has supplanted the lingering cloud of numbness. You also take notice of your external surroundings. Long gone is the atmospheric wasteland of nothingness. This compartment seems to be levitating through a city skyline. Ethereally gliding along, zigging and zagging through hordes of glistening high rises and nightlife. You momentarily awake from your rapturous stupor, and make your way to the center of the cabin. Hesitant trepidation gives way to a gravitational pull, a pull towards the life of the party. Once there, you are engulfed by a mass of humanity. Rather than being perturbed though, this only heightens the senses. Energy radiates from body to body, and with every touch of exposed skin, the mania of the moment increases. The reverberation of the increasingly loud music sends a vertical tremor throughout your body that can only be described as orgasmic. All there is left to do is submit your body to music, and become one with the mob of humanity.

Eventually, even amidst the boisterous cacophony, inertia makes its presence known. You are shuffled to the front of the cabin and released from the crowd, much like the ocean shuffling debris to the shoreline. There is yet another door. As exhilarating as this experience has been, fatigue has begun to grasp its hooks into you. It’s time to continue your journey….

“Tranquility”

A rush of a different kind washes over your psyche. Large crowds have subsided to scattered passengers, and the dopamine surge has given way to a state of “zen”. There is definitely a semblance of numbness, but this numbness feels different than before. Rather than a physically distressing numbness, you are experiencing a deeper numbing, an almost spiritual numbness. You look out the window to see the train floating on an idyllic lake. It’s not just a visual experience though. You feel the inner machinations of the train. The strong breeze emanating from the lake shores juxtaposed with the relentless beaming sun. The train wheels effortlessly gliding against the stainless steel track. The sheer magnificence of the manufactured locomotive against the natural beauty of the lake. Serenity epitomized in all of its glory.

Much like your past two spots though, your time in the compartment is relatively short. You have had no epiphany that explains your presence on the train, and thus, must continue your exploration. Subsequent stops on the train include “Synchronicity”, “Harmony”, and “Austerity”. Like before, each location harbors different idiosyncratic tendencies, and each paints a unique portrait on the blank canvas of your spotless mind. Eventually, after countless compartments, you reach a peculiar door. It is simply labeled “Thoughts”.

The train has now undergone cosmic metamorphosis and is now floating through space. Billions of stars speckle the soulless chalkboard of the universe. It is a breathtaking sight to behold. Much like the first compartment, there are no passengers aboard the cabin. You take a seat by the window and take the spectacle in. The train turned rocket ship eventually motors towards a comet. The lights in the compartment flicker as the train approaches the mass of light. As you make the final approach, the flickering light gives way to complete darkness, aside from the external illumination from the stars. The train finally comes to a rest beside the gargantuan comet.

The sheer magnitude of the comet is breathtaking. You are compelled to look directly into the celestial body, a hypnotic force to be reckoned with. What comes next you never could have been ready for. The comet is essentially a cosmic encapsulation of your existence. More specifically, it is a catalog of your “thoughts”. Every thought you have ever had from birth to present day. From everyday minutiae to life's biggest questions, your existence is found within the comet. The spectacle is so overpowering that you can only look at the comet for a few seconds at a time. You keep coming back for more though. All the dreams that were never fully realized in your life present themselves in an almost cinematic form. Conversely, all the nightmares, from the deepest recesses of your mind, also make their presence known. It’s gloriously terrifying.

At some point the train zooms away from the comet, and you no longer possess the wonderful power of omnipotence. The experience has forever changed you though. Like a calf being branded by its owner, the comet has irreparably seared its magnificence into your psyche.

Interestingly, the train has not regained any of the interior light lost by the energy of the comet. In fact, darkness seemingly engulfs the train the further it wanders from the radiating rays of the large star. The brief elation you once harbored is now replaced with gloom. You are a speck in a blackened universe. The train picks up speed. You believe that it’s time to finally move to a different compartment, away from the vastness of space, away from isolation, and away from impending hell. The front door to the compartment is visible (just like the others) and a reprieve is only mere feet away. The only thing left to do is walk right out. You just can’t though. A tidal wave of paralysis has washed through your body. It courses through your veins.

The train is now moving with reckless abandon. Barreling through the cosmic wasteland at thousands of miles per hour. You remain seated. Just a hapless victim to the chaos. You finally take notice of what the train is rocketing towards: a black hole. The train picks up speed. It won’t be long now before the hole consumes the locomotive. You fight with every fiber in your being to break the spell of paralysis, however, it’s futile. You accept your fate. The black hole will not be denied its prey.

Hundreds of feet now separate the train from total immersion. You place your hands behind your head and brace yourself for impact. Your very existence will soon be erased from the universe. Strangely enough, you are at peace. The hole has arrived. This is the end….

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Thank you for participating in “Train of Thought”, where consciousness and virtual reality collide. Please remove your headset and have a wonderful day.