Tornado Tex And The Ice Queen

** Inspired by a true event. Names have been changed to protect the guilty **

It was a warm spring day when Tex, the longhorn bull, decided to make his arrival into the world. He didn’t arrive quietly, bellowing loudly from the moment he took his first breath of air. He had been warm and cozy before being unceremoniously pushed out and dumped on the cold, hard ground. He considered it downright rude and had no hesitation in letting the world know he wasn’t happy.

His mother really didn’t know what to make of him. For the most part, he was an enjoyable calf, with an easy-going and loving nature, but he was undeniably loud. And if there was mischief or mayhem to be found, he was like a magnet and would be located in the midst of it. If the pigs escaped from their pen you could guarantee it was because Tex had knocked down a fence post. If the food containers got knocked over you could bet Tex had something to do with it.

Farmer Mike Peterson was convinced that Tex was a tornado of trouble, and would be the death of him. Early one morning, he could hear a ruckus coming from the goose pond, with all the geese honking loudly. He came outside to find the gate to the goose pond wide open, with the pigs splashing in the shallows, the goats eating the flowers that grew along the pond fence, the llamas up to their knees in muddy water, and Tex calmly grazing right in the middle of it all. The geese were honking and flapping their wings crazily, agitated at all these uninvited guests using their pond. Mike wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry, but from that day forward, Tornado Tex was the name that stuck.

Early next Spring, the decision was made to keep Tornado Tex and give him a small herd of cows. He was indeed a fine-looking specimen, mottled grey and black, with a long body and broad chest. Being a young bull, Mike decided to take things slowly, mainly due to Tex's inclination to attract trouble. Hopefully, the attentions of the females would keep him distracted. The plan was to place Tex and his herd in the large back paddock that bordered the neighbour's fence line. What Peterson didn't know was that this would be the biggest mistake he could make.

Starting with four Longhorn cows, Mike herded them down to the back paddock. It was a smooth and simple operation. No dramas, no fuss. Next was Tornado Tex. Keep in mind Longhorn bulls can have a horn span of two metres, and can weigh up to half a tonne. Tex definitely wasn't dainty and had not yet reached full growth size. Trying to steer a large bull where he didn't want to go was a lesson in futility.

Tex being Tex, he wanted to stop and check every tree, every flower and every new thing he saw. That was until he poked his nose inside one flower and was stung by a bee for his efforts. With a mighty bellow, he took off in the opposite direction of the new paddock while Mike watched in both despair and amazement. Going back to the farmhouse for backup, he returned with two more men. An hour later, covered in sweat, and cursing more than he ever had, Mike finally locked the back paddock gate behind Tex.

The four cows slowly walked towards Tex to investigate the newcomer. Tex, not keen on being investigated, or the centre of attention, kept backing up towards the fence. Hitting his rump on the electrified fence, he kicked and bucked, hollered and bellowed, and startled the cows, who promptly turned and fled in the opposite direction. Mike put his hands in his head and silently said a prayer, reminding himself it was only the first day and things would improve.

Fortunately for Mike, the allure of females eventually won Tex over. You could almost see Tex chest out, trotting with pride, showing off his manly appendages, and trying to impress the cows. Not easily impressed, the cows ignored him for the most part. Days were spent grazing while Tex kept an eye out for any threats to his herd. And by threats, that could mean a squirrel in a tree, a raccoon in the grass, or even a flock of geese flying overhead. At the first sight of what Tex considered a threat, he bellowed, he hollered and he generally drove everyone crazy.

So you can imagine the noise level that Tex reached when the neighbouring farmer placed his Red Angus bull named Billy, and Billy’s large herd into the paddock next door. Billy taunted Tex by trying to charm and flirt with Tex’s cows, and Tex retaliated by hollering until he was nearly hoarse. As far as Tex was concerned, Billy was a threat of the highest order even though a fence separated both herds.

Hoping to add a new bloodline to his stock, and to distract Tex from Billy, Mike purchased a Longhorn heifer called Ice Queen from a breeder in the next county. Ice Queen was so named for her demeanour of aloofness, and the icy whiteness of her coat. If a heifer could be considered beautiful, she would be leading the pack. Mike was hoping for offspring the following Spring, but whether the mating would be successful, only time would tell.

The trailer with Ice Queen aboard rattled and bumped down the dirt driveway, coming to an abrupt stop near the farmhouse. Mike was eager to view his investment purchase and opened the rear of the trailer. Turning her head, she stared at him with big brown eyes. Grabbing the halter rope, he reversed her out of the trailer without any effort. Calm and placid, she was happy to follow him towards the back paddock. What they stumbled upon left Mike scratching his head, and Ice Queen wondering whether she had arrived at a madhouse.

Tornado Tex was busy staring at the butterfly, flapping lazily above the green paddock grass. How dare it trespass on his territory! Snorting loudly and pawing the ground, he took off at a gallop ready to run the intruder down. The butterfly lazily flapped his wings and soared over Tex's horns, fluttering away to a more quiet location. "Take that, you interloper! Stay out of my field!", he snorted with indignation. Turning, he trotted proudly back to his herd, knowing he had done a wonderful job of protecting his ladies.

Every cow raised her head to watch the spectacle unfold before them. They had learned early on that living with Tex was like having free access to the entertainment channel. The problem was the only option was comedy, and not everyone enjoyed it. They shook their heads, sighed amongst themselves, and went back to grazing. The chain on the gate rattled as Mike swung it open, and once again all heads turned in unison, but this time towards the gate.

For Tex, suddenly everything seemed to be in slow motion. He was mesmerised as he watched the most beautiful creature follow Mike into the paddock. He watched as the other cows came forward, sniffed and greeted, then went back to their business. Tex was totally and utterly smitten with the newcomer, but it seemed that he had suddenly developed a dose of intense shyness. Mike noticed that for the first time ever, Tex was quiet, and still. He was not entirely convinced this was a good sign and released Ice Queen from the halter with some trepidation. He shouldn't have worried. She took one look at Tex and walked in the opposite direction towards the gully and creek that ran along the neighbours back fence line. Nope, she most definitely wasn't going to stick around to introduce herself.

Tex looked at Mike, then at his herd, then at the rear end of Ice Queen as she wandered down into the gully and out of view. He stood there forlornly undecided about what action to take. His heart wanted to follow Ice Queen, but his brain told him he had to stay and protect his herd. He walked a few steps towards where Ice Queen had disappeared, then a few steps back towards his herd. He stopped in the middle, and swung his head to and fro trying to decide what he should do. Mike started to laugh at the confusion Tex faced. Tex reacted by bellowing at the sky.

Nearly a week later, nothing much had changed. Ice Queen would join the cows for her breakfast in the morning, then turn and leave for the gully. Like a lost puppy, Tex would try to follow her. After a few kicks from her rear legs, he would return to the herd. He would begin bellowing and hollering, and would not cease until she returned in the evening for dinner. Mike was now starting to feel desperate. Another day of listening to Tex bellowing would surely drive him mad.

Mike decided desperate times called for desperate measures. While the herd were eating their morning hay, Mike and his men quickly placed an electric fence across the corner of the paddock, thus ensuring that Tornado Tex and Ice Queen would be confined together in a smaller area. Mike was soon to find out, this was good in theory but not in practice. On returning for the evening feed, he found the poles of the electric fence pulled from the ground, and the wire wrapped up like a demented ball of cotton candy. What was left of the fence was wrapped around Tex's horns. Mike groaned in defeat and got to work rescuing his bull.

The next morning Mike received the shock of his life. There was Ice Queen grazing beside Tornado Tex and the herd. Maybe his plan had worked after all? Day after day, month after month, it remained the same scenario. Only one thing changed - Ice Queen's girth began to grow bigger and rounder. By the six month mark, Mike was certain that Ice Queen was carrying a calf, and had the vet assess her to confirm his suspicions. Tornado Tex was going to become a father and celebrations were in order!

One day in early Spring, Ice Queen began to labour. Mike called the vet and everyone made preparations for the exciting new arrival who was finally on their way. Clearly uncomfortable, Ice Queen would get up, then lie down again, and repeated this process for several hours, her large stomach contracting at regular intervals. By late afternoon the calf's hooves had appeared, and the birth was imminent. Everyone was excited and holding their breath in anticipation. The head soon followed, and with a few more pushes, the calf was born, landing on the ground with a small thud.

Ice Queen turned and began to lick at the calf, removing the bloody mucus and membranes. Mike grabbed some old towels and went over to help rub the calf down and check it over to ensure it was in perfect health. But what he found left him speechless. The feeling of disbelief and hysterics bubbled up from deep inside him, and he couldn't contain himself. Roaring with laughter, tears streaming down his face, he realised mother nature had gotten the better of him. Standing before him on thin wobbly legs, was a beautiful bright red calf that was the spitting image of the father. Only that father was Billy, not Tornado Tex as originally thought.

The answer to the mystery of how Ice Queen and Billy mated was never solved. Endless searches along the fence line found no clues, no broken wires, no holes dug underneath. Neither did anyone find a pair of discarded wings, a ladder, or a magic hidden bridge. Mother nature kept this love secret to herself. For Tex, the betrayal was a constant reminder of a love battle he lost. For Mike, it was a lesson to never, ever take things for granted or to assume anything when mother nature or hormones were involved.

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