To Gerrymander or to 'Gerund-mander'?

[A Senator:] Off the record, how are these people?

[Another Senator:] They act above us but we should get what we want from her. There'll be some Chaucer-talk.

[Senator One:] Choctaw?

[The Other Senator:] No Geoffrey Chaucer talk.

[Senator One:] Oh.

[Group Leader:] We are now on the record.

Juneau Alaska, March 15, 2079. U.S. Senate Study Group on the Downfall of New Earth.

Query (Senator Samantha Bush-Kennedy, R Alaska): Dr. Better-Jean-Double-M-Smarter, you were born on New Earth, earned a doctorate from New Yale, and worked there as a professor of 'New Human Progress'. The Mars colony was meant to last for hundreds of years. New Earth was started less than three decades ago and the colony has collapsed. You are one of only forty people left. Please tell us how and why the colony we hoped for fell so soon.

Dr. Smarter: Thank you, Senator, though there seems no reason to thank you. Although you are all from Old-Earth government and therefore corrupt you may have my expert help. Meseems the best start to cover the conceptual fundament of the colony. You see, Founder M was an expert at technology. He saw to our tech needs. The Founder's own genes seeded much of the planet's populace. My gene father and one of my gene grandfathers were both the Founder. He knew that the newness of our world needed better mores, more advanced language, even a new form of God. He thought technology was the greatest output of Heaven. As a techspert who had not managed to pass the Arts courses at school, he knew that he was completely unable to address these challenges, so he left all these matters to the care of the Most Exalted Prophetess, Mother Selene. And for the record my mother and one of my grandmothers are, as for genes, Mother Selene.

Bush-Kennedy: Your founder grew up a member of the Church of England. Selene Burgeon belonged to that church, but left to study New Theosophy from the Reformed Red Brotherhood?

Smarter: You are correct. Mother Selene thought--pardon me for her words, Senators--she thought that Earth had brought about decay and death by ego and self and she set about to make our colony free from those negatory forces.

Bush-Kennedy: How was that attempted?

Smarter: She felt that language was the structure of thought so she started on language. She wrote that the most dangerous word of the common tongue was the letter that came between H and J. That letter, she taught us, was the root of all hatred, exaggerated self, melancholy, war, and doom. For example, that letter spells an ego pronoun, one that has caused much damage, even death.

Bush-Kennedy: That argument persuaded Founder M?

Smarter: Probably more her argument that the letter was key to the gerund, the part of the word that made verbs become nouns. Those words catch us, turn work to stale, slow processes. Suppose you present a problem. When we say we have found the answer, that statement announces a good result, a seamless cycle of query and answer. When one uses a gerund you ask and we say that we are partway there, a process, a slower cycle of doubtful outcome. The process cycle traps us, holds us to a loop of endeavour that may have no end. Perhaps the gerund argument appealed more strongly to a great problem solver. So our Founder ordered the letter to be removed the from the alphabet, and deleted the same from every text.

Query (Senator Dole-Obama, D Saskatchewan): Was your Founder able to grasp the argument about the gerund?

Smarter: No he had gotten an F when he took Grammar. But the task was easy for the new Synthete-Power-Compusmarts tech. Already every text had been loaded onto a platform. The software just removed that letter from the whole corpus.

Dole-Obama: My God, every text? How long was needed?

Smarter: Two and three quarters hours, then another half hour for a program to make sure that no one could type that letter as part of any text whatsoever. Further, our advanced gene researchers found a process to purge the letter and the urge to use the letter or plan for personal advantage or wealth from human gene memory. The project was called Purge the Urge.

Dole-Obama: You have never used that personal pronoun, never spoken the word or a word that used that letter?

Smarter: No Senator, that word has never been spoken by me. To utter that word would not be an act my persona would be capable of. We had no such pronoun, so the ego was suppressed. We were all meant to work for the good of the whole, the egoless colony. No quarrel, just seamless work together for the whole. Most of us were he-brothers and she-brothers.

Bush-Kennedy: That sounds close to Marx. The GOP does not countenance Marx.

Smarter: Marx never approached a way as complex or as tech-perfect as ours, Senator.

Dole-Obama: What were the results?

Smarter: Agreement, consensus, lack of ego. We all got along very well together. That seemed good, but not much new was created. Founder M offered rewards for creators, but no object or concept was created. M concluded that ego and self are necessary for progress. The urge to create and to excel was found to be related to the ego and self. Also gerund-named processes turned out to be necessary for advanced thought and to create.

The goal to expand the number of people of the colony was a larger, more urgent problem. We could not allow people from off-world to enter because they have egos. An award program was announced to encourage us to marry and breed together to perpetuate advanced humans, because the gene pool was small.

Dole-Obama: Hmmn. That wasn't the only problem, yes? A date between two descendants of M would be the same as to smooch your s-- ummmm to greet your she-brother fondly on her mouth, probably not a strong reason to marry and reproduce, yes?

Smarter: Your thought comes out somewhat crudely expressed, but you are nevertheless correct. There were challenges for men and women to get together. Would you please watch the record we made of a date?

All: Yes!

Bush-Kennedy: Dates on Mars, ought to be good...

[On screen a scene of a fancy restaurant; each table for two has a candle as well as two computer screens and keyboards. A well dressed couple looks puzzled. She speaks:] Where do you work?

Man: Data management. And you, where do you work?

Woman: Also data management. [She pauses and reflects, consults a manual:] Meseems the woman has the task to say the restaurant seems pleasant and you are clean shaven and well dressed.

Man: Ah, your sexy banter, though uncomprehended by me, must be well phrased. Maybe we can earn the bonus. One moment for my amorous reply. [He calls up ChatGpt on the computer and types 'male amorous reply to female data manager.' He scans the output and reads to the woman:] But soft, what photon-rays' emanence from yonder other half of our table breaks? Maybe the compass says 90 degrees and you, woman who works at Data Management, who could be named Ms. Capulet, could be the sun [he looks perplexed, as does she]. Get up from the table, pretty sun, and murder the mean moon. To be clear, meseems you are gender female and these words mean sun spelled S U N. Though also [he wonders], murder seems harsh and not legal so perhaps best not.

[Woman:] Although your reply-speak, clearly meant to seduce, confuses me, mesupposes that your speech must be very hot because we have agreed to attempt to earn the award. One moment. [She types on the computer at her end of the table, then reads:] Your name could be Romeo. O Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? [She pauses]. Well why could your name not be Romeo? Why would the name matter? We just have to have sex and reproduce to get the money. The challenge posed seems to be the sex, not your name. Are you Romeo? [A shake of the head says not]. Very well those words are needless. [She reads on]. Deny thy father. Oh but you cannot! We are both spawn of Founder M! One moment. Oh but we could deny my name Capulet because the name Capulet must apply to some other female. Maybe we should command food. The potatoes should be tasty.

[Man:] They must serve Vodka. The handbook says that large amounts of alcohol may help...

The screen fades to black.

Smarter: You see the problem. [All nod]. M reckoned that the best way to populate the planet was to re-seed us of M's own gene matter. We had no ego but he had a stupendous ego. He had frozen more sperm.

Bush-Kennedy: How was that?

Smarter: Cold and unusable. The gene pool was much too narrow and the sperm were too old to reproduce.