Thin Line

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Fingers with dirty nails shook as they struggled to tie bloody boot laces. Officer Perty was unsure of how his boots had come untied in the interaction. Blue and red light flashed around him, and he felt dizzy, sick, inhuman. ‘What have I done?’, he asked himself as he stood and looked at the body, the very small body of the man—boy that he’d just shot. Blood pooled around the body slowly, shining in the moonlight, reflections of the red and blue lights danced on the liquid. There was a buzzing in Perty’s ears, a low hum of blood pulsing through his own veins. His head was spinning with a deep pain, and his whole body vibrated with anxiety. Someone slapped his shoulder.

“Good job officer, you got one,” his partner, Turney, said with a chuckle.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Perty groaned.

“Ah, this is your first, you’ll get used to it after a while,” Turney said.

BLM

Fingers with dirty nails tied boot laces quickly, Officer Perty was not going to chase this kid with untied shoes. It was a hesitation but a necessary one in case the kid took off running. There had been a moment, a split second, where he thought the kid was reaching for a gun. He had grazed his own for a moment, ready to pull it. By some sort of divine intervention, he had hesitated for just a second and the kid was pulling out a stick of gum. It was a stupid move, a Black kid putting his hand in his pocket during a traffic stop with a police officer, but this kid was not used to this. Perty could tell he was just old enough to start driving. His hands had shook when he gripped the steering wheel afraid to step out of the car. He was doing all the things wrong, but Perty had been trained, the kid hadn’t. Patience was truly a virtue, and the kid had two pieces of gum. He offered one to Perty, who had to choke back a sob as he took the piece.

“Don’t ever stick your hand in your pocket when you’re interacting with the police,” Perty said as he unwrapped the gum.

“I’m sorry Sir,” the kid said.

“I’m not mad, I’m preparing you, if you get pulled over, stay calm and whatever you do, don’t stick your hands in your pockets okay?” Perty asked.

“Yes Sir,” the kid said, his bottom lip was quivering like he was freezing to death, but it was at least seventy out. Perty hoped he meant it, that he was really taking it in because it could make the difference between life and death. This was new for Perty too, he had just started that morning. This was his first traffic stop. The town was not busy, and he saw the car driving a little too fast but nothing crazy, a black kid behind the wheel. His partner had instructed him to pull the ‘punk’ over. But they had pulled over near a gas station and Turney had been trying to quit smoking. He even managed to go without a cigarette for a few hours, but the pull was too strong so he ran in to get a pack while Perty handled this kid alone. He let him off with a warning to go slower and a few other tips to keep safe during a stop. Fixing this shit had to start somewhere.

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Perty never thought he would be a part of this. He had joined to make a difference from the inside, not join the problem. He was going to be one of the good ones but in that moment of fear, he was just too quick to protect himself. The ambulance came and one of the EMTs had pried the kid’s hand open to see what he was getting out of his pocket. Gum, two sticks, that’s when Perty lost it, his composure and his lunch. It was almost too much to bear at the time. But then all his coworkers congratulated him. He was a hero, getting scumbags off the street. In public they wore sad faces and told the reporters that it was an ‘unfortunate accident’ and that Perty had feared for his own life. That was true though and it wasn’t hard for him to buy it, because it was the truth. People continued to be mad at him, certain people, people he had agreed with before he joined. But they were wrong about him, he was a good guy, he knew that. He had feared for his life, he knew that. They were wrong and he got more and more angry with them. He had made a mistake and that was only human. The only people not mad at him were his brothers, his team, the thin blue line that kept all those ungrateful people safe from the scumbags. They would never understand what it was like to pull someone over and be scared of them. Was the kid innocent? Yes but anyone could make a mistake? Right? How could it have gone any different? It couldn’t.

BLM

“What were you thinking Perty? You could have been killed?” Turney said.

“It was gum,” Perty said.

“This time, next time you might not get so lucky,” Turney said, “It’s not worth taking the chance.”

“It was worth it for him, and his mom,” Perty muttered.

“What was that?” Turney asked.

“Nothing,” Perty said and kept his mouth shut the whole way back to the station. The whole station was told about the interaction. It was hard. He didn’t feel like he belonged with these people, he wanted to help people not join a gang. He knew they were all going to be hard on him for a while, but he wouldn’t be ashamed. That kid was alive tonight because he had made the right choice, he couldn’t have imagined it going any other way.

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Perty spent a year as a police officer, he was one of the gang. His brothers were his life. He played by their rules and it kept him safe. It made it possible for him to keep his family safe. His wife and his little girl. Maisie was just four and she needed her dad to come home every night alive. If that meant defending himself by taking out criminals, so be it. He wasn’t happy about it but what was the alternative. It was a good life and on his days off he liked to spend time with his family. One day, a year after the first time he’d had to use lethal force, he was at the park. Beth, his wife, and Maisie were having picnic with him. They had a good lunch and played in the grass. Maisie got to playing with a dog that someone else had brought. The dog had a ball and Maisie was playing fetch with it, the owner didn’t mind. But then Beth and Perty began kissing, she was amazing and smelled nice that day, like roses. When they took a breather from kissing his wife screamed.

“Maisie!” she jumped up. Perty jumped up and spun around just in time to see his daughter chasing the ball out into the street. That was when his life ended, after that he couldn’t stand the smell of roses. He and Beth divorced and he lost his job. His life was over.

BLM

Perty felt good about going home that night, knowing he hadn’t taken someone’s life made it easier to look into his wife’s eyes. It made him feel proud that he could hold his daughter and know he was living a good example for her. Time went on and work got harder, eventually he had to quit. He wanted to change things from within but it was too deep. He got another job eventually even though it was a struggle. Beth worked too and they rarely got a day off together. One year after his first day as a cop, the day he had almost killed someone, they went to the park. Maisie was playing fetch with a strangers dog. Perty and Beth were making out on the blanket. When they took a breather, Beth screamed. Perty jumped up and saw his daughter running after the ball, it rolled into the street. She was chasing it but someone came running toward her. He grabbed her and she screamed but she was safe. The young boy carried her to her mother. Perty recognized the boy instantly.

“Thank you so much,” Beth said to him grabbing Maisie and hugging her.

“No problem,” the boy, who was about seventeen said, he looked at Perty, “do I know you from somewhere?”

“Yea,” Perty said reaching in his jeans pocket and pulling out two sticks of gum, “I think I owe you one.”