These Humans Are Weird!

A blue, green, and white marble sphere loomed closer as two greys - one a green shade and the other a blue shade peered out the window of their spaceship.

"Is this the planet?" the blue alien asked.

The green alien took a quick glance at the holographic screen of their control panel and nodded. "According to our navigation system, it says it's Earth."

He then proceeded to tap the control panel bringing the spaceship to a slow hovering crawl. Earth loomed in front of them in the not too far distance.

Their spaceship was a far cry from the massive mothership their colony from their home planet had. Their leader had assigned them on a mission to investigate Earth and abduct a human in order to study them and their civilization.

"Why did the leader assign us to visit Earth?" The blue alien hesitated. "We've never even seen a human in real life. How do we know they're not dangerous and more advanced than us?"

"Listen! As long as we follow the leader's orders, everything should go according to plan. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" the green alien rolled his eyes as he pressed a button on the control panel sending their spaceship even closer to Earth.

Their small spaceship hovered just between space and Earth's atmosphere.

"Where exactly on Earth should we go?" The blue alien pondered as they both stared at the vastness of Earth.

The green alien took a sweeping glance on the screen that projected an aerial view of Earth.

"Anywhere should be good," he said. Strange buildings not like those from their home planet appeared on the screen. "This looks like a good enough place." He gave a firm pull of a lever sending their spaceship down to Earth.

After a quick sweep around, the aliens settled on a spot to land their spaceship. It was just partially concealed by a wooded area with a cul-de-sac neighborhood nearby.

The green alien nodded at the spot they found in approval. "The good thing about this spaceship is how easy it is to hide."

"I still wish we were able to bring the mothership. How can we expect to abduct any humans if we can't beam them up?" the blue alien said as he grabbed a few branches to give their spaceship some added concealment.

Unlike the mothership, their little spaceship did not have the ability to beam any humans or anything for that matter up.

"Are you kidding? We don't want these humans to expect anything." The green alien started walking towards the neighborhood. "Let's go!"

The aliens proceeded closer to the buildings and into the neighborhood.

A small figure wearing a cape and mask and carrying a bag skipped past them.

"That one?" the blue alien asked.

The green alien rolled his eyes and sighed. "Not yet. It's too soon. We're here to observe first."

As they continued further, strange eerie music unlike any music they've ever heard blasted from one part of the neighborhood.

"This must be the kind of music they to listen to," the green alien observed.

"I don't like it," the blue alien whispered cringing as a maniacal laugh could be heard with the music. "It gives me a weird vibe."

Another taller yet still small figure hurried past them also carrying a bag. This one wore a mask that resembled that of a green swamp creature.

"Trick or treat!" it shouted.

Both aliens watched the figure in confusion as it hurried past like the one before.

"Are you sure these are humans?" the blue alien questioned as they watched several more figures in unusual attire pass by. "They don't look anything like the images of them we've seen."

"Of course they're humans. What else would they be?" The green alien scoffed as he slunk back in the shadows and away from sight, the other alien following his lead. "We'll just spend some time observing them more and plan our abduction from there."

The aliens watched as still and as quietly as they could as these strange and peculiar humans of all shapes and sizes passed by.

"These humans are weird," the blue alien muttered.

"Quiet," the green sneered.

"How about that one?" the blue alien suggested anxious to get the assignment over with.

"No."

"That one? That human looks easy to abduct."

The green alien rolled his eyes at his accomplice. "No, here's what we'll do! We'll just knock on a door like these humans are doing, they'll let us in, and then we'll abduct them."

The blue alien was skeptical of the plan. "I hope it's that easy."

Picking the next random house they saw, the green alien knocked on the door while he turned to his accomplice. "Remain calm and just follow my lead."

After a few seconds the door opened, and a woman who looked like she could be a grandmother appeared.

"Oh! What neat looking costumes! They look so realistic!" She reached over and presented them with a bowl of candy.

The blue alien started to reach for the candy when the green alien glared at him and knocked his hand away.

"These aren't costumes," the blue alien said in his most serious tone.

The woman laughed as she set the bowl to the side. "How cute!"

The green alien ignored the woman and kept his tone serious. "We are here on a mission to take one human to our planet for scientific observations."

"We think you're a good enough human as any," the blue alien added but in a far less confident tone.

The woman stared at both aliens raising her eyebrows at the peculiar trick or treaters.

"We are not -" the green alien started in a sinister tone before he was interrupted by another group of small oddly dressed humans running up the steps.

"Trick or treat!"

Both aliens attempted to speak but they were drowned out by the laughter of the costumed figures reaching for candy.

"Let's go onto the next," the green alien muttered in defeat.

The aliens continued to walk this time taking a turn to another part of the neighborhood. More music could be heard, the sound getting even louder, but this music was different. By the time the aliens reached the source of the music, they could barely hear themselves over the heavy vibration.

"This music is even weirder than before!" the blue alien shouted.

"Whaaat?!" the green alien hollered back.

They stood back as they watched much taller humans than before but still oddly dressed walk past them, laughing and conversing with each other.

"Cool costume, bro! That's sick!" one of the humans in strange attire gave the blue alien's back a hard yet playful slap startling him.

Before the green alien could speak, another human also strangely dressed approached them. "Where'd you get the costumes? Steal them from a Hollywood set?" Both humans howled in laughter.

"These are not costumes. We are here to take one of you humans back for -"

"Are you guys here for the Halloween party too?" one of the humans asked as they tossed them both a can.

Both aliens stared at the cold can they each held completely perplexed as to what to do next.

The human that tossed them each a can smiled in approval. "Go on. We have plenty."

The green alien carefully observed as a human and then another took a sip from the same kind of can they had.

"Poison?" the blue alien whispered to the green alien.

The green alien shook his head. "No, they're drinking it as well." He observed the humans more in an attempt to understand how to open the can.

Eventually, after a brief struggle to open, the can made a loud pop and fizz startling them both. "Just go along with it, then we'll make our abduction," the green alien said as he brought the strange drink close to his mouth.

The blue alien followed the green alien's lead bringing the drink to his mouth as well.

The green alien following his observations of the humans, took a large gulp from the can and instantly spit it out.

The blue alien did the same a second after.

"This is what humans drink?" the blue alien gagged.

The green alien turned towards one of the humans. "What do you call this strange concoction you humans drink?"

The human only raised an eyebrow and laughed at the strange question. "It's beer!"

Both aliens watched in total frustration as the humans continued to talk and laugh among each other.

"Now what?" the blue alien asked.

"We're not getting anywhere here," the green alien grumbled. "Let's go back to our spaceship and find another location."

The aliens found their way back to their spaceship when a sight made them stop, catching their instant attention.

"Our spaceship!" the blue alien exclaimed. "What are those humans doing to it?"

The green alien ran ahead as about four small sized humans wearing strange masks and clothing climbed on top of their spaceship, some trying to peek in the window. "Get away from our spaceship! It is a very complex machine!"

All of the small humans that were around the spaceship scattered, not from fear but giggling.

The blue alien stared back at them in total perplexity as he and the green alien climbed safely into their spaceship. "You think maybe we should have abducted one of them. I mean they were right there."

The green alien shook his head as he tapped a few buttons and pulled a lever sending their spaceship up into the sky. "These humans are looney. Let's get out of here!"

***

This short humor story has been hanging out in my mind for a while off and on.

Aliens visiting Earth for an assigned alien abduction on the night of Halloween / Trick or Treat!

It will soon be summertime. Autumn days and Halloween are nowhere close but who cares?

I've never really written a humor story like this before. Hope you enjoyed!