The Woman From Neptune

There are more deaths on Neptune by people falling through the ice of frozen ponds or lakes than anything else. That’s the parting advice I received from my travel agent friend before making the 8-day Trans-Orion shuttle voyage to the edge of our Solar System. Go any further and you’re into the black abyss, where mostly uninhabited dwarf planets yearn for colonisation, but what’s the point? We barely do enough with the existing seven that mankind has already colonised over the past millennia.

Neptune is a prime example. Very little was known about what actually went on there, with the exception of a few strange facts akin to the frozen lake deaths. It was most certainly off-limits as a holidaying destination, but that’s not why I was going. I didn’t have a choice.

I figured I would just steer clear of any unthawed areas, before then finding out again from my friend that 97 percent of the planet’s surface is some type of frozen body of water, rendering them almost unavoidable, but I wasn’t going to be wandering off-grid. I was determined to not be a reinforcement for that grim death statistic.

I had another reason to take extra care in keeping myself alive anyway. Prior to leaving Earth I’d been shown a video of a woman - a rare Neptune native - who informed me over a recorded message that she would meet me soon after landing and take me where I needed to go.

My contact with women over the last few years has been minimal. My mother died a long while ago, and my sister doesn’t particularly like seeing me anymore, after what I did. Perhaps that could somehow be related to why none of my previous relationships ever really worked, but I’m older now, less distracted and easily influenced, and had my sights set on this beautiful woman from Neptune. The chances of us getting together were next to none, but when you’ve been in my situation for so long you’ll accept and believe in any miniscule opportunity.

She was on my mind as I prepared for the journey, and got me through a convulsive lift-off which saw at least half of the fifty-strong passengers and crew throw up. I just closed my eyes and focused on her holographic pixelated appearance, the only image I had of her stored within my brain, more than enough to power me through.

Once we were up in space everything was calm, cruising at around fourteen million mph - that still blows my mind. We were placed in our week-long hypersleep, and you can guess who found their way into my dreams; the one I remembered best we both went skating on a frozen lake, more of a frozen pond, gliding around until we could glide no more, and ate a picnic on the ice, under the stars. I’d always wanted to do that… well, not the part that involved sitting on the freezing ice, but needs must when on Neptune.

By the time the shuttle landed I’d lived a life with a woman I didn’t know and hadn’t even met.

After disembarking we followed a man along a dull, windowless corridor to a large room, like a school sports hall, where we were instructed to take our places on the rows of benches that took up the entire floorspace, and await further instruction.

No one spoke, at least not out loud to the group; a few mumbles broke the nervous inhales and exhales of the unknown; the occasional sniff or cough made some jump. I like to think I remained one of the calmest, although the damp patches in my armpits would tell a different story.

Fifteen minutes felt like fifty, felt like fifteen hours, and then there she was, stepping into the main entrance, taking my breath away, even better than the video version; the woman from Neptune, in the flesh. She wore a tailored grey suit that perfectly complemented the white-blonde hair fiercely tied back in a ponytail that fell between her shoulder blades. Everyone was looking, turning and gawping. If anyone dared wolf whistle I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. I didn’t have anything to lose at that point. A lifetime of hard labour in the mines of Neptune was already set in stone, no pun intended. I felt at that moment like I needed to protect her from these dregs of society I had travelled almost three billion miles with, despite being one myself. If that’s all she saw me as right now then that was okay, but I would sure be doing my damndest to change her mind, to get her on the ice, under the stars, falling in love.

“White 664?” She said, and my heart skipped a beat as her voice echoed around the room.

I stood up, suddenly more nervous than ever, and couldn’t keep the nerves from my response. “Yes.”

She looked right at me, as if we were the only two people in the room, the only two on this frozen planet. She didn’t smile. I thought I’d get at least a faint smile. “Please, come with me.”

I didn’t hesitate, and followed her out into the grey tunnel of the corridor. None of us who had landed had yet seen the outside.

Each diversion we took led to more empty, seemingly endless corridor; our journey through this eerie tunnel maze made even more uncomfortable by the silence. The woman from Neptune - always a few steps ahead - had no desire to get to know me. I’d been such a fool for allowing myself to think it would be any other way, at least during this initial stage, our first, silent date.

We eventually turned into a dimly-lit room with five huge corrugated shutters occupying one wall. Beside each was a pair of lights, one red and one green, with only the reds glowing at that moment.

She gestured for me to stand by the closest one while she stood back. “Wait for the green light, then step through when it’s fully open.”

I moved into position. This must be it, the mineshaft. Maybe I never would see the outside, and I guess that was okay, but I desperately needed to know one thing, after weeks of anticipation, followed by - so far - bitter disappointment. “Will I be seeing you again?”

She frowned. “Do you want to see me again?”

I shrugged, but of course knew the answer right away. “Well, I was hoping to maybe… maybe get to know you.”

Her frown persisted, and she didn’t immediately respond. The red light shut off and the green lit up, but I was no longer focused on the shutter, which slowly began opening from the bottom in a grinding whir.

When it was fully open, leading only into darkness, she sighed and spoke again. “Remind me what you’re in for.”

I hadn’t told anyone in a while. I didn’t like talking about it anymore. I hadn’t been that person for the best part of a decade. “I drove a van through a crowded protest, killed three and seriously injured another fifteen or so.”

“What were they protesting?”

“Shark culling.”

She didn’t reply. What was there to be said to that? I didn’t know much more anyway. All I remember now is this inflatable shark clogging up my windscreen, amidst thumps, and screams, and then sirens. The afternoon that defined my life. She didn’t ask if I’d done it on purpose or not. Maybe she didn’t want to know.

She looked from me to the darkness beyond the hole in the wall. “I can’t say for certain whether you’ll see me again, but you need to hurry now, please. I’ve had twenty of these so far today from an earlier landing, and have another thirty-four from the group you landed with.”

It wasn’t surprising to hear that I was just another number in a long, shameful line, but it still hurt, thinking of her doing this same journey with almost three dozen more of those criminal wretches I’d travelled with, perhaps getting more chatty, more flirty, as the day wore on.

I actually felt tears bubble up in my eyes, and in my embarrassment turned away from her to face the opening. Nothing could be made out in the blackness. Only a very slight cool breeze brushed the uncovered parts of my skin. “So, the mines await in there, down there?”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on,” I said, wiping my eyes and looking back around. “We all know why we’re here. We all know of the massive overcrowding problem in the prisons back on Earth, so they select a number of us from various countries every year to see out our sentence mining where the resources are some of the most valuable in the whole Solar System. Are you going to put me out of my misery?”

For the first time, she smiled. The woman from Neptune actually smiled. “Do you think you are a perfect physical specimen for the hard labour of the mines? Only a tiny percentage of those sent up here actually fit the criteria we need for such work.”

“So what am I here for then?”

Her smile was suddenly sinister, or perhaps I was reading too much into it. “Why don’t you step through and find out, then tell me later if it’s what you were expecting?”

I gulped, and turned back to the black opening, this next stage of my life, most likely the only remaining stage of my life. I’d never see my sister again, and in this moment of all moments, that made me incredibly sad.

Without another word or looking back, I stepped through. The shutters began closing straight away, and a few further steps in I lost my footing, only it appeared I was meant to; I felt myself hurtling down an enclosed slide in the pitch black. It spat me out on a smooth surface, ice cold to the touch. There was light here, but not much. I stood up and squinted around me, but I was caught in a gloomy grey haze; a chilling, soundless fog.

I took one step forward, and that’s when I heard it, the crack, under my feet. I was standing on ice, and watched in horror as the crack I’d created zig-zagged ahead and disappeared in the mist, but no doubt still continuing.

I didn’t have the motivation to even attempt to run, with no choice but to accept I’d imminently be adding to that grim statistic the only friend who carried on talking to me after my rampage told me on his final visit, evidently just like the majority of us sent up here; Earth’s solution to overcrowding of the most violent offenders, sending all but the physically superior to our deaths, through the frozen lakes and frozen ponds, and no one will ever know.

We could’ve been so good together, me and the woman from Neptune, but damn, I really hated her right now.