The Willow Tree

The Willow Tree

As I ponder over memories near and far . I can still feel the warmth of the joy they brought with them. Constantly reminding myself that no matter the difficulty, it’s all apart of God’s plan and his divine timing. As beautiful as it is true , my heart takes comfort in the tears I relinquish ever so frequently.

It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve been in a car alone. Since mine had broken down and all that mess took place with my Tt. It’s been bus this, lyft that , you get the the picture. My mama at work and I got about 45 minutes before I have to pick up my brother. I don’t want to go home just yet. So I drive . Now , as theatrical as I’d like this to be , I know exactly where I’m headed. I’d like to say something beautiful. But I’m going where I always go when I need emotional clarity. Star Lake. Now this park isn’t as green as you’d like to imagine. They do have beautiful willow trees, and grass, and a love swing. But, it’s literally a busy street on one side and row of houses on the other. To be quite frank, I’m betting it was man built. But I like it , it’s open enough to keep the weirdos away , and closed enough to feel personal and refreshing.

Before we’d ended things , I really wanted to visit the willow trees. I’d always gravitated towards their presence especially at night. It was something about the therapeutic symphonies they gave off as their vines swished against warm air in a summer’s night breeze. There had been a little bench right underneath the eastern tree which sat above the lake. It was the perfect spot because it allowed you to take in the moon as it glistened against the mirrored waters. Sitting there was bliss. Sitting there with the one you loved was a small token of heaven from God himself.

This time was different however. I’d saw a picture on Twitter of this girl sitting in the willow tree; the sun peaked thru all the leaves crevices and it was just beautiful. I wanted that . It was about early September so we still had a lot of time to make it happen before it got too cold . We’d made plans , as you can imagine, however, they fell thru. As they did most of the time. As I write this I honestly feel slightly better.

I know everything that happens is meant with purpose. So it honestly adds to the fact that our dissipation was for the best to begin with. In my sadness, I’ve discovered different forms of peace. Contentment that I could never find when we were together. It doesn’t stop me from missing him though.

September had came and went. It’s now exactly one week from Thanksgiving. It’s Chicago. And it’s cold . As hell. Also it’s just me . The leaves are still prominent, a natural effortless array of golds and greens dance in the winter breeze. Although I’m not even sure if that term is applicable for these winds. They’re more like a slap in the face if you don’t own a hood.

Today’s the day though. Like when is the next time that you’ll have this opportunity. The leaves won’t last long and the ground shall surely be covered with snow. So I park my mama’s car and start my walk. I notice the geese so I make a mental note to take the street and not the bird shit littered grass. It’s cold, but pleasant. I really feel like God added a little razzle dazzle when making me because the natural awareness of my synchrony with this Earth blows my mind every time. I’ve since cone to find out that everything has been created with conjoined intent. It’s just a matter of tapping in. I walk past the Geese after our five minute stare down . Didn’t know if I was bout to get jumped or what , but once again , I am one with this earth. Finally I make it.

The climb is so easy , I don’t think I’ve actively been in a tree since 4th grade on Applecourt . Another very interesting time of mine . It’s cold up here as expected. I ponder him . I ponder my dad’s call . My life and God’s plan for it. The stench from my four hour old pad. I seriously need to get home . And then I just relax. Take in the cool air. The coming and going of the cars. The nearby rather friendly geese . The lady on the bench on the other side of the park with smiley face pajamas that are extremely familiar to my own actually. It’s all kind of nice.

The air is bitter. A lot sharper than where my feet make a joint with concrete. But the scenery makes up for it. “This is peace”, I say to myself. “This is peace , I’m doing fine, and it’s all in God’s plan”. Tuh, I can’t even convince myself of anything; How did I ever lie to so many folks and almost get away with it? Oh the lies. My mind drifts with the water to a darker time. “I can’t believe I willingly put myself thru so much avoidable bullshit”, I think. “Like damn girl , you had a good thing , you were literally equally supposed to be a good thing “, I say .“KaVonya”. “Nope , don’t be saying yo’ name now. . . This is literally yo’ own fault . Yo own pile of shit”. “KaVonya!”. Wayment , I quickly come to my senses and realize it’s not me that I hear saying my name. Startled, I looked down . “Ezra, what the …”, I say to myself. I’m sure I had the slowest look on my face when I realize I wasn’t envisioning this man in my head . I clear my throat to use actual vocalized words. “Ezra?”, I say. “Can you come down? , We should talk .”