The Untamed Ambition of Civilized Men

“Oh bloody hell, it’s another one of those darned insects in my sleeping bag, they told me that nothing would get inside, the latest in ‘fabric science’ they said. Insects don’t care about ‘fabric science!’”

“Oh shut up, and rest up Earnest, you really will need your wits about you tomorrow. Financially lucrative if we get it right, and tenure, we will have our choice of elite campuses if this works.”

“Easy for you to say, you aren’t dealing with the scourge of Africa’s Entomology! There we go it’s out. Now a last check before I zip up again.” he said falling forwards.

The local Zulu trackers laughed at the movements of the shadows in the back-lit tent. The shaking out of the sleeping bag, the pointing and gesturing of the two figures playing out on the sides of the tent.

Guffaws of laughter ensued when the one tripped over his sleeping bag, and fell face first.

The other then bending over him was knocked backwards, onto his bottom, as the former stood up in a hurry with his sleeping bag in his hands. It was like a planned comedy routine.

Nightfall brought silence initially and then the sounds of the night, the cackling of hyenas in the distance and the roar of a lion, answered by another roar, a greater distance away.

“I hope you sprayed the ‘predator repellent’ around the tent Humphrey?”

“Yes Earnest I did, our safety is guaranteed. ‘Beast Away’ apparently has the same effect on animals as skunk odour. Oh the wonders of modern science, they figured out how to make it odourless to us, the pinnacle of all species.”

“Agreed Humphrey, as usual it is scientific ingenuity that allows us to rest easy. I am looking forward to tomorrow, good night.”

The professors were a long way from their comfortable beds and leafy urban suburbs. They were face to face with nature on the African savannah.

Earlier in the evening the Zulus had observed in silence as one professor had sprayed all around the outside of their tent and much speculation about evil spirits, and revengeful ancestors had been discussed by the trackers.

The deep darkness of a night without light pollution seemed to be colder and material, like a large back sheet covering everything. The professors drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the heat and physical exertion of the day.

The trackers sat around a fire and talked long into the night, the day’s activities had hardly been taxing in fact, the day was a lot easier physically than most days.

Morning arrived, the golden rays reaching into the professors’ tent. Humphrey was first to awaken because of his head position in relation to the gap in the tent flap.

“Earnest, Earnest, don’t move there is a snake coiled at the bottom of your sleeping bag, lie dead still. Earnest can you hear me?” whispered Humphrey.

“Yes I can hear you, does it look poisonous?”

“I don’t know? I’ll get a tracker to come and assist, lie dead still.”

The tracker looked into the tent, casually walked over and picked up the snake, grasping the head between thumb and forefinger and removed it from the professors’ tent.

The excited chatter amongst the trackers was followed by the snake being roasted over a fire.

The professors ate their scientifically formulated breakfast bars and drank their protein whey powder drinks.

The trackers had what looked like large quails roasting on another fire away from the snake meat.

The ‘marogo’ leaves they ate with their guinea fowl and a small side helping of roasted snake was far from a scientific diet, but had served them well for many generations. The recipe, minus the snake, was passed down from one generation to the next.

“Well Humphrey, I must say that the pheasant that they are cooking over there does smell quite tasty, not sure I’d go for the green leaves and the snake though thank you.”

“Yes Earnest, I agree, but thanks to modern science, we have the complete and balanced nutrition required for the rigours of the day, and speaking of modern science, don’t forget the CRISPR gene editing darts, for when we confront the beasts, that’s our ticket to success!”

“We are locked and loaded Humphrey, your darts are in the bag.” he said gesturing to the bag and patting the rifle that he held close to his chest. They were proud of what they would achieve for modern science. This expedition would elevate them amongst their peers.”

Later on, they moved out of camp while the trackers put out the fires. They ordered the trackers to carry their bags and camping equipment, arrogantly gesturing instructions to the Zulus. Both professors were clinging to their precious rifles. Those rifles and the bag of vials were their tickets to glory.

They would reach the watering hole by midday and that was where they were certain to find the beasts they seek for modern science. It was a particularly hot and dry day, and the trackers assured them that male lions would be there together with rhinoceros, elephant and Cape buffalo too. They would have their choice of beasts.

While on their way to the watering hole, one of the trackers stopped to eat large caterpillars that he found on a plant.

Both the professors started to gag at this, while the other trackers also began to snack on the worms. They enjoyed the Mopani worm delicacy, to the dismay and disgust of the academics.

“Did you see that Humphrey? The savages are eating worms from the twigs, how disgusting! If I hadn’t have seen it, I would never have believed it.”

“Yes Earnest, it truly is revolting, oh look, they are offering us some, no thanks! You, you enjoy your snacks. I think I’m going to vomit, the one has worm juice running down the side of his mouth.”

The three trackers talked excitedly amongst themselves as they continued inspecting plants for more worms.

The professors put their collars up and pulled the brims of their hats down as their skin started to feel the burn of the African sun. This was far from their air conditioned offices, but they were both steadfast in their focus on the financial gain that awaited them. The book deals and the honour and recognition made it all worthwhile. To think that these snake eating, worm snacking savages would be out here year after year while they sat retired on an exotic island somewhere in the pacific, or south of France. They hadn’t quite discussed the detail yet, but their future was brighter than the sun that was baking them.

Suddenly the trackers motioned to the professors to ‘get down,’ which meant, sink to the haunches. They peered through the golden strands of grass to see a large male lion surely they were close to the watering hole now. They could taste success and retirement.

They made their way slowly towards the watering hole and were amazed at the diversity of life they encountered and being downwind, they were not detected. The trackers knew their stuff. All Animals need to drink, and the stage was set for the darting.

Earnest and Humphrey picked out their beasts of choice and fired together.

Both the CRISPR darts found their respective targets. The Cape buffalo and the lion dropped, the other animals scattered.

“Right on target! Now you need to film both of us in the cages with our beasts. We must be filmed at the same time, because we have both partnered on this scientific journey together. The gene editing darts will render these creatures harmless when they awaken, and we must be in the cages with them.” said Earnest.

“I don’t think that is a good idea gentlemen.” said the one tracker, surprising them with his command of the English language.

“Well, well, I was not aware that you could speak English? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“You never asked.”

“Umm, you know when we mentioned that the men were savages eating worms and snake meat, those comments were in jest, you do understand?”

“No offence taken professors, I would be happy to film both of you, the scientific community will be in awe. Your success is our success.”

“If you don’t mind me saying so, your English accent is an ‘Oxbridge’ brand, were you educated in England?”

“Cambridge, masters in zoology and botany.”

“How capital, well you know exactly what we require from the filming then, you do understand how the universities work?’

“I do indeed professors, and I will be delighted to film you both with the beasts in the cages.” In the distance a truck bumped its way along the dusty road. “Here come your cages with bars of gold not iron. Congratulations gentlemen.” said Robert

“Absolutely that’s a good analogy and a great play on words, ‘bars of gold’. I like you young lad.”

“Thank you professor, I will ask the other two trackers to be ready with their rifles in case the CRISPR darts do not fully work as intended.”

“Oh not to worry, the science works, trust the science! What is your name young man, you are a fine young man indeed.”

“My name is Robert Mkhieze. I am pleased to meet you both. I know all about the animal genetics papers you have both published. It truly is an honour.”

“Well that’s what we do, not so Humphrey? We educate the masses, the elite masses mind you, being at the cutting edge of gene editing technology.”

“Quite Correct Earnest.” said a self - assured Humphrey.

A harness was placed over each of the sleeping beasts and they were dragged to the cages, by the truck. The men who arrived with the truck managed to get both beasts into the cages, so that the scene was set for filming.

The professors each entered their respective cages containing their sleeping beasts, while the filming took place.

The beasts awoke and the result was completely unexpected. The men tried in vain but the beasts had taken the lives of the learned men. The CRISPR darts had not worked, the science had failed.

“Right gentlemen, you will all share in what comes of this, in the true spirit of Ubuntu!” said Robert Mkhieze.

Months later Robert flew from Johannesburg International airport to London.

The evening at Cambridge University was a magnificent affair, the setting was befitting of royalty and Robert started his presentation.

“Esteemed guests, the scientific board, ladies and gentlemen of the alumni, I am Dr Robert Mkhieze.

My presentation tonight is my thesis which I have titled, ‘The psychological consequences of the civilized world’s trust in science, to the detriment of the natural world.’

We are all saddened by the loss of Professor Earnest Fernsby and Professor Humphrey Dankworth. It has been some weeks now since I completed my thesis, after coming to terms with the loss of such men of academia….”

Dr Robert Mkhieze presented the key findings of his thesis to a packed and extremely appreciative academic audience. The pompous evening was an incredible success. The lucrative book offers and research grants set Robert up for life. He did not have to work another day of his life.

In the true spirit of Ubuntu, Robert was true to his word, he went back to the men that had been part of the experience on the day and rewarded all with money and a holiday that he paid for in Fiji.

An excited group of men gathered at the airport ready for their tropical island getaway, all of them grateful to Robert.

It was on the third evening of their holiday, when one of the trackers came to sit and observe the sunset with Robert. They looked over the ocean bathed in gold and sipped cocktails, the pink and blue water painted hues in the sunset sky looked magnificent.

“Well Robert, thank you for all that you have done for all of us, we really appreciate it. Imagine making money out of pompous professors, and their complete reliance on science?”

“Having a PHD in psychology helps me understand the way people think. Personally I find that a lot more fascinating than trying to destroy the natural world with gene editing technology.”

“I meant to ask you about that Robert. You see Johnson and I could not understand how that CRISPR technology had not worked this time? It had worked on those zoo animals in Russia that were exactly the same species?”

“Who knows Moses? Nature does not always work how scientists think it will work. By the way did you all get the traditional treats this morning at breakfast?”

“Oh yes thank you Robert, the Mopani worms were a wonderful touch, and all the men celebrated by tucking into them at breakfast. Robert, the CRISPR vials were not what were used on those beasts. I stumbled across the CRISPR vials in the bush. But you knew that didn’t you?”

“Sometimes Moses, the natural world must be left alone, western elitists must stop messing with nature.”

“I knew it! So it was you, the guys were speculating about it all. Just so you know your secret is safe with us Robert. What did you put into those vials that the beasts were darted with?”

“A temporary sleep formulation, that’s why they were only out for an hour and were their natural selves when they ‘greeted’ the professors.”

“Well like I said your story is safe with all of us.”

“Yes I know Moses. I have full confidence that none of you will be saying a word.”

“How can you have full confidence? Oh, I’m feeling a little dizzy. Some of the men may try and blackmail you for more money. Some may have an attack of conscience. You seriously can’t expect me to keep what I now know from them. Can you?”

“You can tell them whatever you like. In fact I will address everyone at dinner tonight. I will tell them everything myself.”

“Thanks Robert, I better get back to my hotel room, feeling a little dizzy, it was great to chat and thanks once again for everything.”

About an hour later as dinner time was approaching Robert answered a knock at his hotel door.

“Sir your taxi to the airport is waiting.”

“Thank you, here are my bags.”

Two days later Robert was in his Dubai hotel room watching CNN, breaking news. “And in Fiji, 11 men were found dead in their rooms, poisoning is suspected, no other guests have died. Mopani worms an African delicacy is believed to be the cause.”

Robert answered the knock at his hotel door. “Mr Richard Adesanya your taxi to the airport awaits you in the lobby, I hope you enjoyed your stay in Dubai, and do enjoy Fiji!”

“Why thank you. Dubai was magnificent and I have a feeling Fiji will be marvellous!”