The Unreliable Narrator

I was sitting in a haze. The sky was clear as day although it was night.

The awful smell of rotting flesh wafting through the air.

My thoughts unsettling and continuously shifting I decided to go on a walk.

I kept reassuring myself that everything was okay.

I could feel my head spinning like I was trapped in a vortex of destruction.

My body floating on top of the calm waters, hidden in the distance, but put in the spotlight of the moonlight.

My mind replaying the last half hour of this week. 

My thoughts racing slowly repeating over and over what could I have done differently... nothing!

Had mine eyes really seen what my ears had heard.

How could I be certain of the uncertainty that resulted from those few split indecisive decisions that unfolded.

I tried to take a minute to rewind what had just played forwarded.

Could anyone else relate to my madness the sane thoughts that were flooding in and then being pulled back out.

It was as if time had stopped as my future kept going forward.

I looked left as I stepped right. I backed up then reversed my direction. As if my body said not to step here nor there. So I stood still.

A moment passed by, then another, until it had felt like an eternity had passed.

I reached out to a close acquaintance of mine. I needed answers but really just wanted a listening ear.

Had I lost my mind in my quest for the truth.

It was my journey of learning to let go although I couldn't stop holding on.

And in the end my life began to flash back from the beginning.

It felt like I was on a roller coaster going up and down as my body swayed from side to side.

My stomach had turned upside down although I was sitting upright.

My life which was headed in one direction became out of control as it turned the corner and came to a complete halt.

I was searching for what was lost that could not be found.

I tried to remain hopeful although all hope was lost.

I looked high but felt low. I talked it out in my own head.

There was a thin line between love and hate when it came to my relationship with life.

Every time I wanted to win, I could do nothing but fail.

Even when the bar was set low, my ambitions were raised.

I could not be perfectly imperfect. These are the games my mind would play with me, despite the fact, I don't remember getting invited.

The wrong ideas would come screaming through pushing out the right ones as they fell quiet as a whisper.

I found myself lost within the darkness. Reaching out in front of me for a switch to turn on the light.

My soul no longer soared high in the sky, it crashed into the bottomless abyss.

I reminded myself you can't pour from an empty cup. Whenever I was asked to do something or go somewhere I said yes even though I really meant no.

After all that had happened, will I ever recover.

I had to come to grips as I felt my old self slipping away. I had died and was free to be reborn.

My life has been destroyed all that is left to do is to rebuild.

I saw in my mind's eye a fiery phoenix rising from the ashes.

It has to be possible, "I seen it..... I seen it!"

Was it really real or just a delusion of my mind!