The Ugly of Purple and Red

His voice sent a shiver down my spine. It went dark without a touch to flicker the lights, and the purity, innocence, peace, or joy in the air was disappearing because of the spook of his sound; a form of him I've never seen, not because I didn't know him, but because it was unlike him.

"What is that supposed to mean? Move aside. Let me in." I tried to lighten the air, brighten up our surroundings, and get Carmine out of whatever made him act the way he was. I poked at his back, purposely to annoy him, but I didn't get any response out of him. The tension at his back was still the same, and he only budged when I tried to make my way through, to block me from entering. "Come on! My face is exposed. If someone shows up it'll screw us both over worse than it already is! Move aside! Hey!"

"I really hope there's no such thing worse than this because I don't think I'll be able to take what I've already got on my plate." His words came out barked, but fragile at the same time. I didn't know what to make of it. It's his lower trembling stance and his fixed gape that made me believe he was more delicate than angry, and the hesitation in his feet of whether he should run in or stay put, pointed to that too, but the 'why' I was still missing.

"Carmine. What's wrong? What is it?" I made every effort to push through to find what he was hiding. He fought every single one, insisting by body language and his own force that it's for the better I stand behind him. When I did get a glimpse, by a tip-toed peek that was gone in the blink of an eye, I could feel every bit of his tension hammering through me like a strong wave against the shore, it could knock me over. "Wh-what happened?"

"You saw, didn't you? This is why I can't just leave the house. Something bad always happens to me." His words were barely heard. Life was suck out of him that there wasn't any drop left, and he used the same tone to dial the emergency number onto his phone.

This isn't the time for me to be selfish, especially saying words like that to myself countless of times. but I couldn't help to feel small when he said that. We spent hours talking. He showed me a place that meant everything to him, for it to be disregarded in the end, but it's stupid and wrong for me to think like that. This was much more important.

"My mom, she's gone." He murmured, as he entered his house to hover over her body. He didn't cry, but the pitch of his voice was probably more severe than what tears could express.

He checked for a pulse, responsive pupils, or movement of the chest, but it was done extremely half-hearted because deep down he already knew; the slash through the throat that was always the technique officials used gave away the murderer behind the crime, and they haven't ever in history allowed anyone to get away once they found who they were looking for. Any turf would become theirs when it comes to them, that it's unfair.

The slash wasn't the only wound left behind. The red drew a line to her neck, but it's purple that took over her body. Whoever it was out there that did this, knew both of our stories and wanted us to live through it again. Cruelty and wickedness in this world is on a steady increase. That's for sure.

"Wh-what?" It's all I managed to say. The evidence was right there in front of me, but I didn't want to accept that it was there. How could life be that fragile? How could it be possible? I was talking to the sweet woman before I left the house, and when I saw her car outside in the driveway, I was excited to see her again. She was so healthy and, so extremely alive that expecting her ending would be the last thing you'd do.

Carmine's face was emotionless. It was his way of reacting to the death of the one he loved, but as it spread across his face it made my heart burst more than it would if he did cry. Sobs attacked me, a different way than it was before, one that I hated more than I hated my own flashbacks we spoke about moments ago. I didn't know to hug him or to give him distance, so I stood there, awkwardly, but open for whatever he wanted.

"Connie is unlike any other." I used the present tense, because past tense would make more sobs ripple through my throat, and for one second I saw delight in the way Carmine's ears twitched, before it fell again, like the hill in a rollercoaster. "I don't see her everyday, but she's the one person in this world, literally, besides you, that does everything in her power to convince me that my different features are beautiful, and because of her help I could at least try to be proud. I could at least think about myself in a new light."

It's been years since I've felt that way, because I've longed for a mother's embrace all my life after my parents left, and naturally I became one man for myself, but Connie was different. She really was, and this felt like a punishment for the both of us, but most especially for him. Even in those blank eyes, I could see it. Possibly even more.

I've endured so much in my life, that I started to think I deserved it, but if it's going to affect an innocent soul like his, that couldn't get more undeserving, it couldn't be more clear. Many of the laws are there for our own benefit, but this one is far from.

Being proud of who you are should be a natural, normalized part of life. Not something that you're ashamed of, or that you lock up and store away. Attacking differences doesn't only hurt that one person, but so many people around them; the ones that's give their all to support them.

"She's important to you too, huh? Almost just as much as she's important to me." Carmine was beginning to break down, blinking too much from the sting in his eyes. I couldn't answer, even with a nod, and I instead, interlocked our hands together, squeezing it in its place. He squeezed in return, and I had to make a vow to myself, more for him than for me.

Even on the days I so badly want to give up and die a death for a crime I was supposedly born with, it's more important to me that somehow I make him happy. His pain was more painful than my own, and whatever it is I had to do to change the way things were going, if that's leaving or staying right here, I couldn't say, or more that I didn't want to, but once I accept the truth, I can't hesitate to do it. It's not just a rumor of what'll come from it if I don't and we know that too well.

With barely enough courage stored up, I eyed the limp body against the carpet, already knowing that this wouldn't have happened if she never met me to begin with, when my stomach was anchored down like a boat. An additional detail I didn't catch at one glance, made me want to burn myself alive. It pointed every finger of fault at me, if it wasn't that way already.

Connie was typically a very elegant woman. She dressed for an office job, even on her off days, and even recently since she's been fired. She wore her hair up tidy unless you caught her at the rare moments at night when she let it loose. That's the way she came when she arrived to begin with, but her clothing wasn't that way anymore. Her hair fell down her back, long in length, like mine, and she was clothed with Carmine's old wardrobe, like me on majority of days.

"C-Carmine?" I almost winced looking at her body, but I held it in so he wouldn't get the wrong idea. He would, if he didn't hear me out first, but either way, I was afraid of his reaction. "She was pretending to be me."

"Huh?" His hand gripped mine so tightly that it hurt, because of what I said, but it went back to normal as he expected me to explain.

"Do you think she knew they were coming? How valuable is that place you brought me today? So valuable that nothing is able to ruin it if you bring someone there and so valuable that everything has to be perfect? Is that why she-." I couldn't hold in present tense with the fact that I've found; something that Carmine had to be aware of, but the wobbling lip that came with it made me feel the need to repent for even saying a thing.

"Is that why she was pushing us out the door? That's what you were gonna say, yeah? You're right. I can't believe I didn't notice." He buried his face into his open hand as he interrupted me, the other still tightly holding mine. "That place - it's super important to us that once the date its set nothing can get in the way at any costs. We made that promise when I was a kid. I didn't know that she'd go to that extent to keep a childhood promise."

"But there has to be more to it than that, no? I mean, why would she pretend to be me? There isn't any reason for that." I couldn't connect all the dots. So much didn't make sense. Too much was happening at once.

"Because," he paused, lightly sniffling. "She doesn't trust herself. If they attacked her because they thought she was you, she'd die before she'd been pressured into giving away where you went." His expression changed, into anger or maybe resentment when he looked at me. "She sacrificed her life to save yours."

He dropped my hand, the last sentence from his mouth cold and darker than the overlapping of every night sky as if he wanted to ignore every piece of me right next to him. He focused on Connie, finding a note atop her body, reading it in a mumble,

Oops! Sorry Carmine. The wrong one is dead. Not that you and her were innocent, because you aren't. Consider this a warning for using that decoy-tactic to mess with me. Next time, it'll be both of you. Two birds with one stone, just you watch. It's not too late to make things right, or better than what you've got, I guess, since one is already gone. You know only one of you guys was born guilty. I only intended to have her, and if it goes that way, you can still save yourself. I'm carrying the order of the President. Break the law, or live by it. The choice is yours.

"I swear to God, that idiot doesn't quit." He said it under his breath once again, but a bit louder than the note he read, as he walked to the door when siren signals were going off in the near distance to wait for their arrival. He didn't turn back once. Adding that all together, I shivered as if a freeze rush went up and down my blood stream like some arcade game people played for fun.

"Carmine I'm sorry. I didn't know. If I would've known I wouldn't of-." An apology wouldn't be enough, I knew that, but I had to say something. At least that. Some sort of minimum had to be put out there. If only I could've noticed her intentions.

"The paramedics will be here soon to take her away. Just hide if you don't want to die too."