THE TITLE I'LL FIGURE OUT LATER

WHEN I FIRST moved to Thornbury there was nothing much here on first sight. It's funny how when you move to a new city you have no sense of direction and the sky seems lower.

There were some cafés and hairdressers and I wondered what kind of people got to sit in them all day enjoying themselves while I went to work on the train. At some point I heard chatter that at the hairdressers it was the pensioners, and to the cafés it was the mother's of children; all trying to keep sane.

I was trying to keep sane too so I walked up, every morning; and I've been doing it for over six years now, to the same café - the closest one to my house. I love that coffee although I had to develop a taste for it when I first started this ritual. It was my connection to the world. Everything else to me was just sitting in a room by myself. I had to see some eyes, or teeth, on somebody else; rather than my own confused reflection in the mirror.

This went on for years. It still does. I sent my landlord's rental agent an Intention to Vacate last night because I can't afford the rent anymore. I have no money and I have no means of getting a job. I sure will miss the hot water pressure here thought. A retired plumber owns all seven apartments and he takes care of the plumbing - the water pressure is good. He wants the rent, but I don’t know if he needs it. I don’t know his situation at all; only that he rarely replies.

Those people who work in the cafe I go to have seen me progress for years now. I've worn all kinds of costumes and disguises into the cafe but they all still remember me. In fact. Every store owner on this street knows me. I've sold, bought, fought, and made deals with all of them.

But this is the next step of my life and I can't fight it. I've got better things to fight and a landlord is not one of them. A boss isn't either. Nobody is my boss and I'm very firm on that. I will not fight unless it goes against my natural progress through life as art; because that's all it is. But you might scoff at me. Most people do.

I've been excluded, deluded, ripped off, stolen from, raped. I've answered calls I don't want to answer. I've gotten flogged on the street and slept in my own blood and beer. I chose that, it didn't choose me. But writing it down is the other way around.

I have no advice. But I can tell you what I do to feel happier. I just take one step at a time and I try not to think about too much else, although it's very hard.

I read, and I listen to classical music and modern music and all types of music. I read the backs of lotto tickets and that dockets that fly swiftly across car parks.

But y'know what, I have an unbreakable Will now. I'm hardened up and I will not divert from my path. I will not listen to anyone else. The troubles I have always had in life have been the result of doubting my natural intuition. And I won't do it anymore.

I want to lose. I want to be cheated. I want to die. I want to live. I want to cry, and I want to be able to what I want to do when I feel like doing it.

Don't you feel that way too?

For this to be published it has to meet a six hundred word limit. Here are three. Now I’ll give you five more, one extra on the house, and even a couple more; why not!

Don’t listen to anyone who says what you should do; they’re always wrong about what’s good for you.