The Ten Thousand Calorie Challenge Cheat Day

Terry looked up from the map on his smartphone and across the street. There it was. Greasy Gary’s Grill. Sounds appetising he thought to himself sarcastically. Still, if this is where his mate wanted to meet, it might be better than it sounds. He waited for a couple of cars to pass before crossing the potholed street.

He approached the door, which was scabby with dark red paint peeling off, revealing the pine underneath. The glass that was not covered with aging dirty stickers for beer companies was streaked with dirty fingerprints. He pushed it open with his jacketed forearm and walked in and stopped by a lectern-like menu holder with “wait here to be served” scrawled on its chalkboard front. He surveyed the booths for his old friend but did not see him. A small middle-aged waitress smiled broadly as she walked quickly up to him.

‘Hello. Welcome. Table for one?’ She started reaching for one of the dog-eared menus.

‘Hi. Actually, I’m here to meet a friend. I don’t know if you know him. He’s called Barry?’

‘Barry? No.’ She paused for a second. ‘Do you mean Baz?’ Before he could answer, she called loudly down to the far end of the room. ’Baz! You know this guy?’

A big guy with a shaven head in the far booth turned around and smiled.

‘Terry! Get over here, man!’ He stood up and held his hands out, ready to embrace his friend.

‘Thanks,’ Terry said absentmindedly to the woman. He was taken aback by the appearance of his old friend. When He’d last seen the guy, he was skinny and average height, with long hair. Now he was built like a tank, thick muscles covered his body, and his precious moshing hair was replaced by shiny skin and stubble. He walked down to where his friend waited and was embraced tightly.

‘Jeeessss!’ Terry’s legs buckled slightly before Baz released his crushing embrace and grinned.

‘Terry. Good to see you.’ Baz gestured towards the booth. ‘Come on. Sit down. How long has it been?’

‘Eight years. I didn’t recognise you. What the hell happened?’ Terry said as he slid into the booth opposite Baz and removed his jacket.

‘Oh, this?’ Baz said as he flexed his bicep and admired it closely as it danced under his control. ‘I’ve been hittin’ the old weights a bit these days.’

‘A bit? Looks like you’ve been living in a gym for the past five years.’ He then surveyed the table. There were already two dirty plates stacked by the window, with another plate of chicken wings in some kind of sauce and another plate with garlic bread, both sitting in front of Baz.

‘You’ve started early,’ he said, nodding at all the dishes on the table.

‘Yeah. It’s my cheat day. I’m aiming to beat the ten thousand calorie challenge today.’ Baz grabbed a wing and expertly removed the flesh from the bone in a couple of seconds.

‘Ten thousand calories. That seems like a lot. Why?’ Terry watched Baz chew a few times before swallowing the chicken.

‘It shows that I’m a real man. Not a wuss. Real men eat lots!’ He licked the hot sauce off his lips and started on his fingers.

‘Real men must be real fat.’

‘Yeah, well, some are. But not me. I’ve got abs, bro.’ He started on another piece of chicken.

‘Yeah, I saw. Anyway, what’s with Baz? You used to hate that name.’ Terry watched Baz grab a piece of garlic bread and use it to wipe the excess sauce off his fingers as he chewed and swallowed.

‘All my pals at the gym call me Baz. It’s cool now.’ He stuffed the entire slice into his mouth and chewed vigorously.

‘Alright Baz. So, what…’ Just then, the waitress turned up at the table with a big smile and her notepad at the ready.

‘Hey Baz. Are you ready to order your next course?’

Baz forced the bread down his gullet and then grabbed his glass of water and took a few gulps.

‘Yeah Sheila. Oh, here, Terry.’ He passed his grubby, sauce-stained menu across the table. ‘Have a look.’ He turned back to Sheila. ‘I’ll have the quad G.’

‘A quad G. You bet.’ She scribbled onto her notepad. ‘What about you, honey?’

‘What’s the quad G?’ Terry said as he scanned the menu.

‘That’s the Greasy Gary’s Grill Gargantuan. Four half pounders with bacon, cheese, mayo, ketchup, mustard, pickles and salad,’ she rattled off quickly.

‘Five thousand calories. I eat that, I’ll be nearly there.’ Baz said as he grabbed another wing.

‘Yeah. Fine. I’ll give it a go. Can I have a beer too?’ He put the disgusting menu down at the far end of the table.

‘Certainly you can sweetie.’ She scribbled a little more and smiled at Terry. ‘Back in two seconds.’ She turned and headed off toward the kitchen. Terry watched her go. She was quite cute for an older woman. He wasn’t sure if she was hitting on him or just being friendly, but he liked her. He turned back to face Baz who was again soaking up some sauce with a piece of garlic bread.

‘So, what have you been up to since I left?’ He sat back into the soft upholstery of the booth and waited for Baz to empty his mouth again.

‘Well, not much really. College didn’t work out, so I’m still living with my folks. I hit the gym every day except Saturdays which are cheat day.’ He picked up the last leg and shrugged as he bit into it.

‘Sorry to hear about college. Have you got a job then?’ He removed his designer glasses and started to wipe them on his t-shirt as he waited on the answer. Finally, Baz swallowed.

‘My dad gives me an allowance. I don’t need any more than that, so it’s all good man.’ Baz shifted uncomfortably in his seat before reaching for his last slice of garlic bread.

‘Your dad gives you an allowance? Wish mine would.’ He replaced his glasses just as Sheila turned up with his beer.

‘There you go honey. The food ’ll be with you shortly,’ she said with a smile as she plonked the bottle in front of Terry.

‘Thanks,’ said Terry as he reached for the beer and took a swig.

‘Not at all, sweetie.’ She smiled and sped off to welcome someone who was waiting to be seated.

‘So anyway, you look kinda fit. You train?’ Baz seemed anxious to change the subject away from his lack of career.

‘Yeah. Just a bit of strength training and cardio…’

The pair talked about training for a while. This was a subject that Baz was enthusiastic about, but he constantly belittled his friend’s training methods as inferior to his own. Terry didn’t mind much, but he wondered if they had anything in common anymore. He was a successful structural engineer and getting married soon, and Baz is still being supported by his parents. He seems like a bit of a dick now too. Sheila interrupted them with two big plates covered with beige food. The centrepiece of each being a towering burger which was held together with a skewer.

‘There you go boys. Two quad Gs.’ She simultaneously slid a plate in front of the two men. ‘Enjoy!’ She smiled, then pivoted towards another booth.

‘Oh man! Five thousand calories. Here we go.’ Baz removed the skewer and flattened the burger with the palm of his hand. He picked it up and tried to squeeze it into his mouth. It wouldn’t quite fit, so he flattened it some more between his palms before taking a big bite. Sauce and grease flowed between his fingers and down his chin. Terry silently watched the spectacle before opening the burger and removing a couple of patties which he left on top of the pile of fries.

‘What ’cha doin?’ Baz said, spraying little bits of food out of his mouth as he fought to swallow his first bite, pointing at Terry’s burger.

‘There’s no chance of me eating all this. I’ll just have two of the burgers.’ He started to replace the bun lid.

‘C’mon man. Don’t be a wuss. Just eat it. It’s easy!’ Baz sneered with derision.

‘I’ll eat it if I’ve got room.’ He ignored Baz’s tone, picked up his burger and took a bite. He nodded his head as he chewed. It was better than he had hoped.

The pair ate in silence until Baz had finished his.

‘So, you gonna eat that or what?’ He pointed at the two burger patties on Terry’ plate.

Terry shrugged. ‘Maybe, but I doubt it. I’m not rushing though.’ He still had fries and onion rings on his plate too. He popped the last of his burger bun into his mouth.

‘Lightweight wuss,’ Baz muttered as he shook his head. ‘You having dessert?’

‘Nah. I’ve got enough to eat here. But you go ahead,’ he said through the mouthful of food.

‘Course I’m going ahead! I’ve about one thousand calories to go. I’m having the best chocolate cake ever. You should have some.’

‘Thanks, but I’m good.’ Terry picked up a fry and examined it slowly before taking a bite.

’Sheila!’ Baz shouted towards the kitchen. A few seconds later Sheila hurried out and over to their table.

‘Yes, hun? Everything ok?’ She looked at them both in turn. Terry nodded as he chewed and gave a thumbs up.

‘Tell that hubby of yours that he’s the best chef in town!’ Baz smiled as he cleared his plate onto the pile of dirty dishes that he had accumulated.

‘I will indeed. Now, is it chocolate cake time yet?’ she chuckled.

‘Time for chocolate cake. With cream. Just me though.’ He pointed a thumb at Terry. ‘He’s a wuss and can’t even handle a quad G.’

‘Oh, that’s too bad,’ she laughed as she scribbled in her notepad. ‘Maybe next time.’ She smiled warmly at Terry before heading back to the kitchen.

She’s married to Gary? Guess she’s not hitting on me then, Terry thought to himself as he took another swig of beer.

No sooner had Sheila disappeared into the kitchen, she emerged with a bowl and a small jug. She returned and placed them in front of Baz.

‘Thanks Sheila,’ said Baz as he proceeded to pour the entire contents of cream onto the large slice of chocolate cake in the bowl.

‘You’re welcome, love.’ She smiled and hurried off.

Baz picked a big soup spoon off the table and proceeded to eat his cake with gusto. A few spoonfuls in, Terry noticed that Baz’s speed was dropping considerably, and his brow was sweating profusely.

‘You ok man?’ Terry asked.

‘I’m nearing my limit, but I’m gonna push through. I’m gonna do it. I’m not gonna be a wuss’ He wiped his brow with his forearm. He forced in another couple of mouthfuls before he stopped abruptly. He covered his mouth with his hand and jumped out of the booth, legging it to the toilets.

The whole diner could hear his conversation with the porcelain telephone as he ejected half a banquet from his stomach.

He emerged a few minutes later, looking pale and shaky. He returned to the table and drank some water before dropping some banknotes.

‘I’ve gotta go. Good to see you.’ He turned and left without another word.

Can’t handle his food. What a wuss! Terry thought to himself as he finished his beer, watching his ex-friend leave. He turned his attention to his remaining burger meat. I can do this.

Sheila came over to the table and counted the money before stuffing it into a pocket on her pinny.

‘Don’t worry about Baz. It’s the same every week.’