The Split

BarnOwl06 is online.

Zae_83 is online.

BarnOwl06: I have been waiting an eternity.

Zae_83: Wow! Eternity is much shorter than I imagined it to be!

BarnOwl06: You’d be surprised. Where have you been?

Zae_83: Sleeping! You know as us regulars do.

BarnOwl06: It’s offensive you call yourself regular. For one, that’s calling half the population irregular, and two, you are anything but regular.

Zae_83: You’re sweet. And irregular.

Zae_83: Do you want to meet tomorrow?

My hands shot away from the keyboard at speed hovering in the air as my heart thumped loudly in my chest. Tomorrow seemed too soon, tomorrow was only measly hours away. My mind raced through its usual stack of excuses, trying to rack up one that would be convincing enough without hurting her feelings. Hesitantly my fingertips touched back down on the keys and tapped out a sentence into the blank reply box on the screen. I stared at it.

Actually, I have to work late tomorrow. I’m behind on a project.

My finger hovered above the send button, but before I had the chance to do it another message appeared on my screen.

Zae_83: Oooh did I scare you, Iris?

Zae_83: Since when do you ever take more than twenty seconds to respond?

I was immediately met with the discomfort of feeling my heartbeat in my ears, and a heat flooding through my body that made me feel uneasy. Without overthinking I let my finger delete the excuse from in front of my eyes.

BarnOwl06: Where would we meet?

BarnOwl06: And now look whose impatient! I had to go to the bathroom.

So I lied anyway. I shook my head at myself, disappointed. I watched the screen for her response as my brain started to work through all the possibilities of how we could possibly meet. I had met Zae over two months ago on a dating, friend-finding website designed for the other side. It just so happened to be made by the company I work for, and a website that I wrote the code for. The profile I made was definitely against the rules, but when you’re the one who can make a backdoor, it was a temptation I couldn't resist.

Zae_83: I thought you were the expert at sneaking over here? You know I’m a law-abiding citizen and I would just get a visitation pass.

Zae_83: But I would really like to see you, like soon.

BarnOwl06: I want to see you too. Visitation is an impossible system, we’d have to wait months. I’ll figure it out.

Zae_83: I hope you do! I can’t wait to finally meet you.

Zae_83 is offline.

I drummed my fingers on my desk, feeling instant regret of what I had just agreed to. Of course, I wanted to see Zae, but I knew how this went and it was a bad idea. Getting close to people was just something that I shouldn't do, that’s the whole reason I had made a profile for the other side, because they were exactly that far away out of my reach so I couldn't hurt them, on the other side.

No one had seen The Split coming, first, the government had started funding research into circadian rhythms, and then quickly started talking about what would happen if they split the population into morning people and night people. We all assumed it was a joke until they started realizing splitting the population would increase productivity with people working 24/7. "We will always be protected, this is what God intended when he created us" one politician had tried to reason. Within nine months The Split had happened and we had been divided by the Boundary; a way to keep us separate so we wouldn't be tempted to return to the old way.

Everyone was required to take a test determining which side we belonged on, it had been no shock that I had been sent into Night, ever since I was a baby I had preferred being awake while everyone else was sleeping. The disappearance of being forced into getting up early every morning had felt life-changing, but the adjustment to living in the constant cover of darkness had taken a little longer to get used to, and the curfews in which we had to abide by. The Dayers and Nighters still shared the city, but only those with commuter passes for specific jobs were allowed to cross the Boundary and those passes were extremely hard to come by.

I didn't have much family left anymore, my grandpa and my dad had died and my mom lived in Day, the applications to be switched were available, she had considered it so she could be with me but I had told her not to. She was already unhappy, living in Night would only have made it worse. Last year on her birthday I had snuck across to visit her, it had been a fluke that I had made it through so easily as the Boundary was usually heavily guarded.

It was almost ten in the morning, by no means was it late for me to go to bed sometimes I would be up until the afternoon. Frequently I had even stayed awake until Zae had gotten home from work just for the chance to talk to her more than once a day. I dug through the closet looking for the blueprint I had of the Boundary from the last time I had snuck through, spreading it out on the table, I turned on my daylight lamp it was easier for my eyes to adjust to than having the actual sun shining into the room, I ran my fingers over the blueprint. Was this really worth it?

I thought about how Zae and I had talked every day since we had met, how it felt like she actually understood me. I didn't have a lot of friends but it wasn't just that, it was the fluttery feeling I got in my stomach every time she replied to me, and the fact that I thought about her whenever I was doing anything and wondered what it would be like if she was here too.

*

It’s not easy to sneak anywhere in broad daylight especially not when there is patrol out, especially when you are pale from an obvious lack of sun on your skin. The obvious solution was to meet at sunrise, that way I would already be out and on her side, she would be waking up then allowed out soon after so she wouldn't get in trouble. I couldn't imagine letting her get into trouble because of me, that couldn't happen.

Zae_83: Are you sure you can pull this off?

BarnOwl06: Watch me. What’s the worst that can happen?

There was construction happening in the southwest quadrant of the Boundary, I figured my chances were as good as any to sneak across the gantry and into Day. I told Zae I would meet her at the West Edge where a large park that homed many different gardens stretched towards the water. Patrol wasn't the same on the other side, they worried less about people trying to sneak over into Night, whereas on this side people were getting caught weekly trying to cross over to Day, desperate for some sun or to see their families again.

I had lazily eaten half a bowl of cornflakes before I had left my apartment the regret was already setting in as I walked by the food market with all the enticing lit-up neon signs, but I didn't have time to stop, and I didn't want to. Finally, I was getting to meet Zae, it felt like I had known everything about her just a couple of days ago but right now this whole situation was so unknown, it felt like I was going to meet a stranger. Anxiety clenched in my chest and churned my stomach, there was a part of me that knew I shouldn't be doing this, people around me had a tendency to die and I knew better than to put this girl in harm's way. In my way.

I tucked my blonde hair down the back of my sweater and tugged on a black baseball cap from out of my backpack. Black was a stupid color to wear considering I was going to be in direct sunlight but moving around while it was still dark gave me an advantage.

The stars were still out above me when I reached the southwest quadrant, a yellow gantry crane lit up with floodlights stretched up and over the steel Boundary gate, a staircase wrapping around the right leg towards the top, there were less than ten workers at the base all wearing reflective high visibility vests and headlamps. All I needed to do was get up to the top of the gantry and make it down the other side, it seemed too good to be true, but most people from Night didn't come this far away from the city to try and escape, they all went for the central commuter Boundary crossing and for the most part failed every single time.

I watched as the construction workers came and went into the makeshift office, two of them went home, then ten minutes later another two came out without their vests on and walked over to where the trucks were parked to leave too. In the distance I could see a dark orange glow of the sun starting to rise, I knew I didn't have much time left to make my move. I snuck down closer to the Boundary keeping in a low crouch, the only thing I could hear was my breath, the air smelt dewy and warm already. Three more men went into the office to clock out and I made a break for it, my original plan had been to wait for them all to leave but I also knew a patrol car would come by to check on them soon, and now seemed as good a time as any. I tried to move quietly but my anxiety was making me clumsy, a twig snapped underfoot and my footsteps were far from silent as I approached the stairs. My breath quickened as my eyes darted around to make sure no one was coming, I leapt over the railing to the stairs and began to ascend them with as much speed as I could, the stairs were flooded with light, there were no blind spots, no room for mistakes.

“Hey” someone shouted from below, I grabbed the railing and hurled myself up the stairs faster I was so close I could see the top right there, I was almost - my foot was abruptly yanked out from underneath me, my face struck the railing as I slipped, a coppery taste filling my mouth.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing” a gruff voice boomed from behind me, the voice was attached to the hand holding my foot. Involuntarily my eyes prickled with hot tears as pain seared through the centre of my face.

“I was just—” I don't know why I even bothered at that point, the man yanked me up with one strong hand, he was about three times my size.

“Back down,” he instructed giving me a small shove towards the stairs to walk. He stayed close behind me all the way back down to the last step where three more men were waiting with folded arms.

“You think you could pull a quick one on us kid?” the one in a hard hat said accusingly, I frowned.

“Not a kid” I mumbled under my breath. They herded me into the office, as a headache pierced my temples from hitting my head. My mind filled with the image of Zae waiting for me all by herself, she was going to think that I stood her up or I was too scared to come. I was thrown into a chair and they zip-tied my hands behind it 'just to be safe as' one of them had said, as if I was stupid enough to try again right now. Well, I considered it briefly, I knew they wouldn't be able to catch me a second time, they were all overweight and exhausted, but they might tell whoever was on the other side and they would definitely be able to stop me. I didn't want to risk it.

“We’ll wait for patrol to come and pick her up,” one of them declared. At that moment the door opened, everyone in the room assumed it would be patrol, the last thing anyone expected was that it was going to be a familiar face.

“What’s going on in here?” I almost didn't recognize him it had been so many years, the last time I had seen him was at my father's funeral. The recognition struck him about the same moment that it did for me, the whole expression on his face softened. “Iris?”

“Hi, George.” I had a guilty smile plastered to my face.

“What happened?” he asked letting the door close behind him. “Cut her loose, c’mon what the hell is this.”

I watched carefully at the speed that I was set free, George was clearly the boss.

“And get her a tissue to clean up her face too” George shook his head. “Someone tell me what happened, right now.”

“She was trying to get over the Boundary,” hard hat said bluntly and George shot a look at me.

“Is that true?” he asked. “Why would you do that?”

To see my mom, the lie sat on the end of my tongue knowing that he would probably sympathize.

“It was a dare” I chose another lie instead. “To see how far up I could get.”

George shook his head and furrowed his brow. “Iris. You know better. If patrol had gotten here first you would be in serious trouble.”

“I know it was stupid, I’m sorry.” I hung my head in fake shame, the man who had tripped me on the stairs caught my eye as I looked down and narrowed his eyes at me. He knew I was bullshitting.

“Let me take you home,” George insisted. I let out a silent sigh of relief.

George told me all about his managerial position all the way back to the city, I tried to listen with interest but all I could think about was Zae, I wondered if she had given up waiting yet, I wanted to tell her what happened so badly, impatience felt like an agitated rabbit jumping up and down inside me.

Zae_83: I don’t know if I should feel stupid or concerned…

BarnOwl06 is online.

BarnOwl06: I GOT FUCKING CAUGHT! I was coming, please believe me!

Zae_83: I knew something was wrong, I knew I wasn’t crazy. Are you okay??

Zae_83: What happened?

Zae_83: Are you in trouble?

BarnOwl06: One of my Dad’s old friends was there, it could have been a lot worse.

Zae_83: Holy shit.

BarnOwl06: There is blood all over my face though.

Zae_83: Who did that? I’ll fight them.

BarnOwl06: I’ll point them out to you one day.

Zae_83: …and until then?

BarnOwl06: I’ll try again tomorrow.

Zae_83: Tomorrow?? Are you sure that’s a good idea?

I paused before I replied, I usually wasn't so forward. But I was irritated that today hadn't gone the way I had wanted, and I felt bad. I wanted to see her. Despite every ounce of my body telling me it was a bad idea, that I would ruin her life by just being in it. This was already dangerous enough. A picture of grandpa sat beside my screen, it was just how I remembered him, happy, old, loved by the sun.

“What would you do?” I asked him and waited in silence to be met with no reply. I knew what he would do, he loved people, the point of life to him was connection and love. It couldn't be more different for me, connection and love brought me nothing but pain and loss. But I missed him every day, I missed the farm and having people around me.

I remember what it was like to have the sun on my skin, the way the warmth encased me like a cocoon, the way the honeysuckles smelt in the stifling summer air. During most of the drawn-out afternoons, I would be with my grandpa, picking strawberries, helping with the harvest, swatting at insects that tried to land on me, and waiting for my favorite time of day right after the sun had set behind the horizon and the sky would turn lilac. I would race through the fields to get an empty jar almost every dusk to try and catch a firefly. He would sit on a hay bale outside the barn wiping the sweat from his forehead, a grin plastered to his face as he watched me dancing around in the grass.

“My little owl” he would say to me, one hand on my shoulder as we went back inside once the stars had come out. “You’d be out all night if we let you.”

I was always endeared by my nickname Little Owl until the evening he called me over urgently.

“Iris, come and look, we have barn owls nesting,” he said to me pointing up to the rafters, I squinted through the darkness and was met with dark glowing eyes. I had never seen an owl in person before, it was ghostly pale and lankier than I had imagined, through the shadows I felt it watching me and felt a discomfort twist inside my stomach. It scared me, but I didn't want to tell him that and I didn't get to because the following day he had a heart attack in the field, and just like that he was gone forever. I had stormed back to the barn tears staining my cheeks, anger bubbling inside me.

“It’s your fault” I had screamed at the owl convinced that the eery feeling it gave me was because it had killed my grandpa, but the owl wasn't in the barn anymore. I didn't see an owl again until a week before my Dad died, and when one of my only friends from school was killed in a car accident at their funeral I had caught glimpse of the wide white wings of an owl I began to wonder if it wasn’t their fault, but mine.

BarnOwl06: I'll do better tomorrow, I promise.

*

The second time around I was smarter about every decision made starting with eating a sandwich before I left instead of some cereal, I wore shoes that made little to no sound when I walked and added a watch for timing, I waited for the last construction worker to disappear into the office before I made my break for it, precise with my feet as I raced up the stairs fearing the feeling of metal against my already bruised face. Within minutes I had reached the top, my adrenaline had gotten me this far, I paused and looked over the side from the crouched position I was in. George’s truck was pulling out of the site, it was too far away for me to be able to make out his shadow inside but I knew he was in there, I felt a fleeting moment of guilt that I had lied to him. The lights on his truck flickered before he pulled out and drove in the other direction, my brow furrowed it couldn't be possible he saw me. I didn't have time to dwell as I looked along the road that led back towards the city I could see the lights of the patrol car coming towards the construction site right on schedule.

Staring down the gantry I could feel the blood rushing through my body, my heart beating in my fingertips, the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon streaking the sky brilliant shades of orange and yellow the warmth of the day was already creeping across me and up my sticky spine.

Down was much easier, I pulled out the high visibility vest I’d stolen from the back of George’s truck, by no means was I convinced that I could trick anyone into thinking I belonged there solely because of the vest, but I did naively hope they would perhaps not look too closely at me if I passed by them. However luck must have been on my side because there was not a person in sight as I circled down the stairs to the bottom of Day, the sun was rising and the shadows were starting to disappear as I fled from the Boundary with sweat warm on the back of my neck.

Day looked different to how I last remembered it, the streets were cleaner, the trees greener, the colors more vibrant even in the early morning light. The park where I was meeting Zae smelt like fresh juniper and daisies, she had told me to find a bench in loving memory of Howard, and to meet her there. Howard’s bench sat amongst a small grove of trees, the grass surrounding it was wet with dew and made the earth smell rich, the first rays of the sun were hitting the tops of the trees, dancing in the leaves before hitting the ground. My eyes hurt from the brightness as I sat down on the bench and covered them with my hands for temporary relief. Nerves were fluttering inside me as I wondered if me getting here before Zae was a bad sign if it was my turn to be stood up.

I didn't hear her approach me, my eyes were blurry from being covered and then trying to adjust to the light but I knew it was her, her voice was exactly how it sounded in my head.

“You know I can still see you,” she said with a laugh that rang through the trees like bells.

“I forget that on this side you can’t hide,” I said instinctively getting to my feet as she wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug, her skin smelt sweet and sun-kissed.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” she said taking my face in her hands and examining my face, I felt self-conscious having her look at me so closely, especially about the purple and red bruise on my cheek. She was more beautiful than I could have imagined, her eyes looked dark until the sun hit them and they shone golden hazel, her dark hair was pulled into tight braids, two on each side, and her skin was a shade of olive that could only be achieved by constantly being touched by the sun.

We sat on Howard’s bench and talked about everything and nothing the same way we did online, there was nothing uncomfortable or different, aside from the way she was looking at me that made my heart do somersaults.

“There is so much I want to show you here,” she told me putting a hand on my leg. “How long can you stay for?”

Forever, I wanted to answer. Instead, I kept quiet, letting my mind roam the possibility of what it would be like to live in Day, to live in bright colors and warmth, to see the red and orange shades of the fall leaves on the pavement. I liked Night, I loved the neon lights, the shapes, projections, and technology of the New City, but nostalgia tugged at my heartstrings as I sat with Zae in the fresh morning air.

“Why do you always do that?” she asked me and I dared myself to meet her eyes.

“Do what?” I played dumb.

“At any mention of the future, you always go quiet.” Zae furrowed her brow in frustration. “I’m never trying to make you do anything you don't want to.”

“I know that,” I said with a sigh. Zae knew about my grandpa, she knew how many people I had lost and how lonely I was by choice. “I don’t want to hurt you,” I answered, honesty feeling foreign in my mouth.

“Shouldn’t I get a say in that?” she asked me. “What about what I want?”

I opened my mouth to answer but firmly closed it again, my dark eyes met against hers. She made me feel comfortable the way that my grandpa did, the way she looked at me made it feel as if there was nothing to be afraid of.

“You don't understand,” I remarked quietly.

“No I understand plenty.” her tone had changed, it was sharper. I feared that I had annoyed her and she would leave, as much as she should, I didn't want her to go. “You blame yourself for the people you have lost as if death is somehow your fault, and you now live under the impression you don’t deserve to be close to anyone.”

She studied my face in silence, I chewed on the inside of my lip. I didn't know what it felt like to feel so seen, it felt uncomfortable and yet she felt so safe.

“You know what,” she said after a moment “barn owls aren't just a symbol of death, they’re also a known sign of rebirth and transformation.”

I had never told her about the owl I had seen before my grandpa’s death before, but I realized she must have put it together by my username. She was observant, how dangerous.

“I’m scared,” I said finally. “I don't want to lose anyone else.”

“So you’re just going to give up and not even try?”

“It’s easier that way.”

“It’s depressing” Zae laughed. “Love isn’t dangerous.”

“Are you sure about that?” I asked.

“Positive” she answered, glancing at my lips before leaning in and planting a firm but a gentle kiss on them, she moved away quickly but I pulled her back my hand slipping around the back of her neck. Perhaps, I found myself wondering, I did deserve to be happy.

*

My birthday was one week later, it was not an event I ever celebrated nor cared for at all. I was perfectly content to let the hours slip by like every other day, into the abyss of time not to be seen or thought of again. But Zae felt differently, she had sent me a message a day earlier telling me that I deserved to be celebrated and that she had a surprise for me. I didn't know exactly what she meant by that, but because she was so terrible at being dishonest I figured that she was going to try and come and see me. I tried to warn her against it, it was too dangerous for someone with so much going for them, I told her I would come and see her again soon and this time for longer. But she firmly told me no, that it was my birthday and she wanted to do this for me, I offered help but she turned me down.

“I’m a big girl,” she told me and I could hear her voice in my head as I read it. She said her brother had a commuter pass so she was going to try and come across the Boundary that way, as much as I had urged her to go through the Southwest entrance.

I didn't know what to do with myself for most of the day, I couldn't sit still in my apartment, nor could I focus on anything except the time passing. I found myself pacing up and down the Boundary watching every person who came through, feeling a jolt of irritation and fear every time it wasn't her. The Boundary patrol officers switched shifts, curfew was in less than an hour which meant I would have to go back inside but I didn't want to, I needed to make sure that she was going to get through. I knew she was smart enough too, she was one of the smartest people I had ever met, but if you were caught by patrol it didn't matter how smart you were, there would be trouble on a sliding scale that was entirely dependent on how each patrol officer felt that day.

The siren rang through the city walls alerting everyone to the start of curfew, I sat crouched and hidden up a dense tree at the base of a skyscraper with a clear view of the Boundary gate.

“Love is not dangerous” I whispered under my breath as my fingers wrapped tightly around the branches, it sounded like a lie in my mouth but I tried to convince myself it was the truth. The city fell silent around me as I waited, light began to stretch across the top of the Boundary lifting the city out of the shadows. I couldn't shake the feeling of fear in my heart as time edged onward and there was still no sign of her.

I could hear birds beginning to wake up their soft song-like call, and then came the distinct hoot of an owl in the distance. My blood ran cold, and my careful balance in the tree slipped, I scrambled to catch myself using every ounce of my strength to pull myself back up but my hands didn't want to, they had given up, I fell to the ground and felt pain shooting up my back. I lay there for a few moments before dragging myself to my feet convincing myself not to give up on her I climbed back up to my perch and continued to wait, the sound of my racing breath filling my ears.

I waited and waited, holding on until my hands hurt, until my shaking legs shook my whole body and I finally realized that she wasn't coming.

Something had happened, and it was my fault. But I was going to find her.