The Shift

“I hope it’s not meaningless to apologize because I am so sorry,” I whispered. Her heated breathing faltered for a moment but she said nothing. Soundless tears dripped heavily from my eyes but I followed her instructions and continued walking out of the house.

I had known this would happen. The consequences of being caught might not have been in the forefront of my mind, but I knew. I knew what I was risking. Despite telling myself - and her - that I would never lie to her or hurt her like this, that was exactly what I had done. Every part of me was filled with a toxic guilt and I felt it eating away at me. I hated this but I had no one to blame but myself.

I grabbed the last of my things and shoved it into the trunk of my SUV before climbing into the driver’s seat. I took a deep breath and a final look at the house that had been my home for the last year and a half. It was doubtful I would ever look at it again. That thought brought new piercing tears to my eyes. Enough. I started the engine and drove away.

I decided I would drive until my car broke down and then I would make a new home - start a new life. In my old beat-up hatchback, I shouldn’t have been surprised that I barely drove for two days before the car died. I barely dragged her into the state of Idaho. I saw a big sign welcoming me to Boise. I had never learned much about Boise, Idaho, or any part of Idaho for that matter but I figured this would do. It was far enough away from Maria that no part of my past could be recognized.

I called for a tow and stood outside my car in the hot weather. I would have guessed it was in the high 90s. That was hotter than it ever got back where I was from but I figure this kind of change could be good. I could learn to deal with this.

“Lisa, I presume?” asked a tall man with a dark red scruffy beard. His eyes were sharp like jade crystals regarding me with curiosity. I swallowed hard. I hadn’t really built up an expectation of Boiseans but he was certainly not what I expected.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. He smiled and nodded his head to suggest that I should join him in the front of his tow truck while he hooked up my beater. I sat up front watching him from the review mirror. He studied my car and took a few notes before attaching it to the hatch on his truck. I swallowed again as he moved around to the front of the car.

“Well, I’ll have to take it back to the shop before I get a real diagnosis but I feel pretty confident in telling you that you might be better off just shopping for a new car,” he admitted. I shrugged feeling embarrassed.

“If that’s the case, could you recommend a fair dealership around here? I’m… new to the area,” I answered. He gave me a sideways glance out of those sparkling eyes.

“Sure, thing, ma’am.”

I smiled and turned my eyes back to the road. There was a small twinge of guilt in my heart still for what I had done and who I had been but I felt confident this fresh start would be better. Things were going to be better this time.