The Secrets my Mother Kept

“Happy Birthday!” Rang Alexander's aunt Sydney as the door opened after a shave-in-a-haircut knock filled the front hallway behind the main staircase. “Oh, you're not Xander…” Sydney greeted Grandma Brittney. 

Grandma Brittney let out a sharp exhale and forced smile. “Sydney!” She smiled. The young woman shifted her bleached white hair fell over her ear. 

“Hi Brittney! Where's my nephew?” Sydney asked; she had a present in her hand. It was neatly wrapped in silver metallic and reflective wrapping paper, topped off with a crimson red velvet bow on the top of the box. The velvet bow reminded Brittney of her daughter's teddy bear and she strained a smile. 

“Upstairs. Come on in.” She expelled. 

“Xander!" Sydney called up the stairs, her voice carrying the same enthusiasm it always did. "Your favorite aunt is here!"

Alexander, still at the top of the stairs, froze. He hadn't moved since hearing the knock. Through the railing, he could see Sydney's gift catching the morning light, throwing scattered reflections along the wall. Something about those dancing lights made his skin prickle.

"Coming!" he called back, trying to sound normal. But what was normal anymore? He glanced toward his bedroom, thinking of Mr. Stuffings, hidden under his pillow, of the pearl and notebook in his drawer. Would Aunt Sydney see something different in him, too?

Alexander made his way down the stairs slowly, studying his aunt in a way he never had before. Sydney had always been the fun one, the rebel who'd escaped to college in California, where she had met Alexander's mother Airi while she was studying music. But now... There was something about the way she moved, fluid and graceful, like she was perpetually walking through water. Had she always moved like that?

Her bleached white hair caught the morning light differently than the silver wrapping paper - less reflection, more shimmer. Like the way his hands had looked in his dream.

"There's my favorite nephew!" Sydney exclaimed, but Alexander caught the slight pause in her movement when she really looked at him, as if she were seeing something new too.

“You've grown," Sydney said softly, reaching out to touch his cheek. Her fingers felt cool against his skin. Too cool for such a warm morning. "There's something different about-"

"Where's Dad?" Alexander interrupted, his eyes drawn to the silver-wrapped gift in her hand. Sydney's hand dropped from his cheek, but her eyes stayed fixed on him.

“He's..." Sydney hesitated, glancing at Gran. Something passed between them, quick as a shadow underwater. "He's finishing up some work. Promised he'd be here for lunch, though. You know your father - always caught up in his projects."

But Alexander did know his father, and that was the problem. Dad had never missed a birthday morning, not even after Mom died. “Oh…” Alexander breathed. He sounded a little more than disappointed and Sydney and Grandma Brittney knew that. It was almost frustrating how let down Alexander's father made him as of late. 

“He'll be here” Sydney reassured.

Alexander's throat tightened. "What kind of work?" 

The question hung between them like smoke. Sydney's smile flickered - just slightly, but he caught it. She always did that when she was choosing her words too carefully.

"Just some research at the lab. Time-sensitive stuff." Her fingers worried at the velvet-laced bow on his gift. "You know how he gets with deadlines."

"On a Saturday?" Alexander's voice came out sharper than he intended. “On my birthday?” He corrected under his breath.

Sydney's smile disappeared completely now. "Alexander..."

"You're lying." The words tumbled out before he could stop them. "Both of you. You've been lying since I came downstairs." His heart was hammering now, the truth of it settling into his bones. "Something's wrong with Dad, isn't it? This has to do with what happened at the lake."

And the beach.

Alexander thought of the notebook.

"The lake?" Sydney's hand went still on the bow. "What about the lake?" Grandma Brittney asked. The sound hung in the sudden quiet like a caught breath.

Alexander felt the weight of the notebook upstairs, hidden in his bedside drawer. He hadn't understood most of it, but he'd understood enough.

"Nothing," he said, but his voice betrayed him. It came out too flat, too careful. Just like Sydney's smile. "I just meant... Mom always took me to the beach after the lake. For my birthday."

Sydney and Gran exchanged another look, longer this time. Alexander could almost see the current of unspoken words passing between them.

"Maybe we should give you your present," Sydney said softly, but her fingers trembled slightly as she held out the silver-wrapped box.

Alexander stared at it. Last night's thoughts still dancing behind his eyes as they first summer's rain pattered against the windows, but the sound felt distant now, underwater. 

"I don't want it." He stepped back. "I want to know where Dad is. The truth this time."

Grandma Brittney spoke this time, "Your father loves you very much, Alexander. Sometimes love means-"

"Don't." The word came out hard, brittle. "Don't tell me about love right now. Tell me why you're both acting like he's..." He couldn't finish the sentence. Wouldn't.

Sydney placed the gift on the coffee table, the silver paper catching the gray morning light. "Like he's what?"

"Like he's letting me go."

The rain grew louder, or maybe that was just the blood rushing in his ears. He watched their faces, searching for any crack in their careful expressions, any sign that would tell him he was wrong about what he'd read, about what it all might have meant.