THE SECRET

A few years ago, I made the difficult decision to keep a secret. It took several weeks before some of my friends spoke to me again.

Keeping secrets is something I always thought was a part of good character - something that people would find worthy to respect. While those friends ignored me, I still felt that I had made the right decision.

This is what happened. A few of us “girls” stopped at a local bar for happy hour. While that wasn’t unusual for us, we picked a place we hadn’t visited before. The little bar had a small dance floor, an outdoor seating area, and promised a good time for those who stopped in. It was all of that. The band was fantastic, the snack food was delicious, the atmosphere gave a promise of fun, and yes, we sat outside and danced when we were so inclined.

Not long after sitting at a table that we found in a corner and ordering our drinks, as a habit, we looked around to check out the other clientele. Now and then, we would see someone we knew and would invite them to join us. That night was no different. While we were happy with just us four, if we added a few more to our group, well, as the adage goes, “The more the merrier!”

It was then I noticed a familiar face in the opposite corner sitting at the bar. I wouldn’t have said anything, but my other three friends also noticed.

“Isn’t that Mike?” Linda asked in a horrified tone of voice.

“Sure looks like him,” Margie answered although she only was able to see a small profile of his face.

“What do we do?” Terri queried.

“Nothing,” I replied shrugging my shoulders and trying to sound blasé as I turned my back to nurse my drink.

My friends stared at me as if I had five heads. I felt, in my heart, there was nothing we should do.

Mike was the fiancé of Rena, another of our friends but he wasn’t with Rena. He was sitting at the bar, openly flirting with another woman. When I say openly flirting, I mean, holding her hand, rubbing her back, dancing really close, whispering in her ear. Those kinds of things normally associated with flirting.

Although we tried to enjoy the rest of the hour, seeing Rena’s fiancé with another woman dampened our mood and before our pitcher of beer was finished, we began saying our goodbyes for the night. We were feeling somewhat depressed and also a bit angry. How could he do this to Rena? Should we approach him? Just leave?

My friends and I opted to leave, but they also wanted to alert Rena to what Mike was doing. They decided I should be he one to make the call. That was a call I didn’t want to make.

“Remember to call Rena,” Margie urged.

“You have to tell her,” Linda persisted.

“I’ll go with you if you plan to visit her,” Terri offered.

I stood determined not to do say or do anything to hurt our friend.

“Why me? And why are you all so insistent that we hurt Rena and rip apart the relationship she has with Mike? Before we do anything, we should find out how much she knows. For all we know, she might know everything and chose to do nothing. We should wait.”

They all disagreed. Margie said that since I knew Rena longer, it was not just my job but my obligation to tell her.

“You’re right,” I said quietly. “I have known her longer and we are closer. It’s for that reason, I won’t say anything.” I was determined to remain quiet.

Linda gave me a look of disgust and waved her hand in dismissal. As she walked away, I heard her say in what I deemed sarcastic contempt, “So much for friendships. Glad to know we can all rely on you to watch our backs.”

As I stood there in dismay, Terry and Margie said their quick goodbyes and walked to their cars without even a wave goodbye.

Normally, when we’re parting after a night out, we do our girlfriend’s hugs and verbal pleasantries: “have a great night!” “call you tomorrow”, those kinds of things.

That night, none of that happened.

After three weeks, my so-called friends still hadn’t said a word to me. I know eventually, the possibility existed that they might. At least, I thought they might. However, at that point in time, I wasn’t sure if I would even bother to answer them, if they did.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to say anything to Rena about her fiancé. She suspected him of seeing other women for a long time and without telling anyone, was at the same bar that same night and saw him.

She was dressed in baggy jeans, a very large, hooded sweatshirt that kept her identity unknown to us. We never noticed.

A few days after that dreadful night, Rena visited me and between heartfelt conversation, coffee, wine, and a lot of soothing ice cream, she finally broke down and poured her heart out. She didn’t want her friends involved since this was between her and Mike. Rena felt the more people that knew, the more embarrassing the situation would be. I knew I made the right decision.

Being a strong woman, she wanted to handle matters in her own way and appreciated me taking a step back. She said it was only a matter of time, anyway, until Mike slipped up. After all, you can’t cheat forever and not get caught. That’s why she kept putting off arranging a wedding date. She wanted to be sure.

Smart girl! I thought as she hugged me before falling asleep on my couch.

As I pulled a coverlet over my friend, I realized that no secret is truly safe. The more people that know, the more likely the secret won’t remain a secret for long. Eventually, the one who starts it, will break it - whether by word or action.

Another thing I realized is that there is no need to go running to your best friend with every small detail that might cause hurt. It’s more important to be around to pick up the pieces and lend a strong yet comforting shoulder. I also realized that my integrity was still intact and to me, that’s something to be proud of.

I smile now as I think back to that time A few years ago, I made the difficult decision to keep a secret. For a few weeks, several friends ignored me like a very infectious plague. I had wondered just how long their silence would last. Rena being the true friend she is, intervened.

Rena made the decision and invited us to her home for mimosas and lunch. It was then, she told us what she had discovered about Mike and when. She said she saw us and knew, then, what we saw.

She also said she was heartsick that our friends left it up to me to inform her of Mike’s infidelity but very grateful that I didn’t.

I knew that once our little luncheon was over, my so-called friends would call again. It would just take them a bit of time to swallow their pride.

I also knew then it would be up to me to decide if I should answer their calls, knowing also that they would pretend nothing ever happened.

Friendships work both ways. You can’t be a friend only when it’s convenient to you and when it’s on your terms. A true friend will be there for you, in thick and thin and stand with you rather than turn against you when times get rough.

Rena and I are still very close, and each week go out to dinner to celebrate her freedom. She hasn’t started dating yet but said she will one day. She’s just enjoying being single. I celebrate my friend and the fact that I took a stand that didn’t hurt anyone.

There are times when honesty can be hurtful. We must always think twice before we speak. I am ever grateful that I did.

The most ironic part of this episode in my life is what happened to Mike.

He took the liberty to push a relationship with his new “friend”. Turns out she really wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship and dumped him a few months later when she realized how serious he had gotten.

Rena hasn’t heard from him, and she said, “good riddance.”

Yes, it took several months for our three friends to call and arranged another night out and this time, Rena came with us.

Yes, we all got together but things are definitely a lot cooler with us. Maybe it was all on my side since I still felt saddened at their actions that night. I still felt betrayed but then, maybe they did also since I refused to make “that call”.

Maybe we’re staying friends out of habit. Maybe necessity since we’ve been friends for so many years.

Who knows?

Guess we’ll see what the future brings.