The Rose and the Bud

The river ran backwards on the day the queen vanished. Or maybe it ran forwards for the first time in my life. That feels more accurate at the moment. Everything currently feels a bit unreal. It has been only a few days since the queen’s disappearance, and for some reason, that one thing changed my life’s circumstances drastically.

My name is Reagan-Rose Reamy, and as of today, I am officially an adult. That's right, there is no “teen” at the end of my age anymore, which means, I can finally begin living life on my own terms. I have always had big dreams about life and my future. Literal dreams. I would wake on some mornings in actual tears because the life I had in my sleep was so much more beautiful than the one I have been born into.

Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly grateful for the things I do have, and I know things could always be worse. My parents made sure I never truly missed out on anything in life. Even if it meant they had to go without something or another, I certainly would not. I will always appreciate that about them. If I wanted a new dress, Mama would go without having her primp sessions with her friends for the month. If I needed new supplies for my art or anything for school, Daddy-O would work extra shifts at the butchers and walk to his weekend shifts at the pub, instead of paying for a ride on the train. They have always done all they can for me, even when I was not the most deserving.

On my 20th birthday, I was not at all surprised to wake to the smell of fresh biscuits and the sweetness of mama’s honeyed ham. It was a meal I had every birthday morning since I could remember. I always wait in bed for daddy-o to come in with my morning tea, and sing his birthday song to me:

My little honeybee, you are a dream,

another year of bliss for me.

For my honeybee, I’ll do anything,

so, I’ll give you the gift of my singing.

Honeybee, honeybee.

Give Daddy-O a smile with teeth,

Today you should only feel happy,

Because you have gifts, plus mama and me!

His singing was awful, but it’s my favorite start to any day, always. Mama comes in just before the end, and always sets the tray of food on my bedside table as she kneels by my face and gives me a big, toothy smile. I love her smile.

“Time to eat, my love.” Mama says just after pushing a loc of my hair behind my ear.

“Hurry up, honeybee, you know mama won’t let me eat the biscuits until you do, and all that wonderful singing has me starving. I’ve worked up quite the appetite!” Daddy-O says dramatically as he rubs his belly.

Mama stands and crosses my room as I am sitting up, and she picks up a small box that was right outside of my bedroom door. I am immediately excited for whatever it is, but daddy-o clears his throat and looks pointedly at my plate on the bedside table.

“Okay, okay, I’m eating” I say as I spoon some scrambled eggs into my mouth and pick up a piece of ham and press it against a biscuit then bite into it, moaning before speaking with a mouth full, “Oh, mama it’s like you make it better than the last time, every time.”

Daddy-O chuckles and turns to walk out of my room so he can get a taste for himself as mama sits on my bed.

“Reagan, my rose, I have been anxiously awaiting the day you would open this gift. It has been 20 years with you, and it is finally time for you to truly know how loved you are. I am confident that you will always remember your values as you take this first step into adulthood. I can only pray you never change your heart.” Mama has a slight red to her cheeks and her eyes begin to water as she reaches over to my stuffed cheek with one hand and taps the box on her lap with the other. “My sweet girl, I love everything about you, and I am so grateful to be your mother. Always remember that.”

I swallow and reach a honey glazed hand up to cup hers on my cheek, “I am so grateful that I have you, too.” We stare at one another for a moment. There is so much love in her eyes, I could cry.

“Alright, are you two getting emotional already?” Daddy-o walks back into my room with his own plate and a mouth full as he continues, “Pru, you promised to wait until after she at least opened the box before the tears.”

Mama pulls away and pats at her face, “I couldn’t help it Carlo, I am just so proud she is our baby girl.”

I finish my last bite before I scoot closer to mama, “I have done nothing of significance, today. I literally woke up another year older, is all.”

“That is enough for me, my perfect little rose. I love every single day with everything that is you, sticky hands and all.”

I smile warmly at her and pat the other side next to me, “Okay, old man, sit, it’s time to open my gift!”

Daddy-O sets his now empty plate on top of mine and sits at my empty side and places a hand on my shoulder. He exchanges a slightly nervous look with Mama, before he presses a gentle kiss on the side of my head. Mama takes a very shaky deep breath and hands me the box.

“You two just made this feel very serious. Usually, you seem a little less intense.” I chuckle as I pull the card from the ribbon on the box to read it.

The cards they give me are usually some sweet handwritten poem they wrote together that also gives me a clue as to what’s inside of the box, and I look forward to them every year. As I open this one, I feel mama tense, and Daddy-O shifts a bit as he removes his hand from my shoulder. I look at the writing on the card and I don’t see the slightly jagged lines of my dad’s writing, or the tiny, rounded lines of my mom’s. No, this writing has more of a smooth elegant stroke.

As I stare at how beautifully my name is written, I cannot help but gasp. “Wow, did you guys pay someone to write this? Is this part of the gift? Because if so, this is absolutely wonderful. Wait, Is this a box of Calligraphy pens? Gods, I have been wanting some! How’d you know?” I exclaim as I look at Daddy-O and then mama with the brightest smile, ever.

They both look a little uncomfortable and they pass another glance at each other before Daddy-O responds, “You have to read the card for the clue, Honeybee. You know that.”

I smile and look back at the card, back at my name that looks like it belongs in a frame, and then I unfold the parchment to read:

“Reagan-Rose

As you enter into adulthood, it is my greatest honor to be the person who gets to share your truth.”

I look at mama, “Where’s the rhyme?” I turn to Daddy-O, “Why so formal?”

“Keep reading, you’ll see.” His response felt chilly as he looks at mama with... concern?

I continue reading:

“a little more than 20 years ago, your mother came to me with a request that was like no other, and I was thankfully in a position to grant her request personally.”

“Wait, this is not from you? Who wrote this?” I ask Mama, and just before she could respond, there is a knock on the door. Mama gets up and starts for the door, and I call after her, “Wait, who would be here this early? Everyone in town knows my birthday morning is for us three!” I now look at Daddy-O who has his gaze fixed on something outside of my window.

I set the box and the card down where Mama was sitting, and I get up and start for the door, but Daddy-O grabs my hand. I look at him in confusion, and he raises a finger to his mouth telling me to be quiet. He shakes his head slowly and leads me back into my room. I say nothing as he closes my door almost all the way and he turns to me with a very clear look of fear. I am frozen where I stand as I hear Mama’s voice come into focus.

“She promised she would find a way. She promised!” Mama sounds terrified, and that only causes me to shiver in my frozen stance. Daddy-O is staring at me, and I cannot understand what the look in his eyes means. Mama says something else I cannot quite make out through her scream, and then I hear the door slam and Daddy-O opens my room door as mama comes barreling back towards my room. “Carlo! Carlo, she lied! Carlo, please! We have to stop her! She was supposed to find a way!” Daddy-O embraces Mama as she falls into his arms, she just keeps saying, “She promised me! She lied!” Mama is beside herself and Daddy-O is trying to guide her to my bed to sit.

I am still frozen in place, next to my bed, watching my mother cry, and my father is doing his best to console her. I have no idea what is going on and I am afraid to ask. As they sit on my bed, the gift box falls to the floor and opens. Inside lay a stack of bound letters, two large keys, and a beautiful silver spoon that looks to be made for a baby. I stare at the contents of the box a bit confused, as I listen to Mama’s wailing as it begins to sound further and further away.

Something about this gift feels wrong. Something about this day feels wrong. Is this one of my vivid dreams? If it is, why is it so sad already? Why do I not know why it’s sad? These dreams are usually a happier place, so why does this one feel like it may turn into a nightmare?

I look up, and there is a slight blur to my vision. I cannot hear anything except a high-pitched noise that has taken over my fear and replaced it with confusion. Daddy-O says something to me, but I cannot hear him. I no longer hear Mama, either. I look at them and shake my head to try and reel in my thoughts.

What is happening? What is that noise? Daddy-O is yelling something, and a soft edged version of Mama is looking at me pleading, but I don’t hear anything. I begin to panic. I am looking around, and that blur in my eyes is getting stronger. I try to breathe, and I look around for something to focus on, when I see that card from the gift box. It fell a little ways away from the box and its contents, and for some reason, it is clear as day, in my blurry vision.

I fall to my knees, reach for the card, and open it up to read:

“Reagan-Rose

As you enter into adulthood, it is my greatest honor to be the person who gets to share your truth.

a little more than 20 years ago, your mother came to me with a request that was like no other, and I was thankfully in a position to grant her request personally. It was of divine timing, and I saw this as a means to have everything we all dreamed of and more. I had only one request of my own for her to grant me. I needed your mother to keep this secret of ours until you became of age to learn the truth and make a very important choice. It would become an exchange for the greater good.

Your mother could not conceive a child on her own, and she did everything she could. The orphanage would grant mothers children in the event they could prove they were both married and worthy in the eyes of the church. With your mother being unable to give her husband a child of his own, he abandoned her to start a family elsewhere. Your mother came here, to Lightleigh shortly after, to start over. When your mother came to me to ask for my help, she was broken. She expressed how badly she wished for a child and explained her inability to conceive being what chased away her husband. This was a most unfortunate situation, as the church would deny her, but I felt the pain in her eyes. I knew she would make a wonderful mother despite what she had endured because I could feel the love radiating off her.

I was secretly with child at the time, though no one knew. I could not have this babe and continue my own life, so I made your mother an offer in private.

I would give her my baby, to raise as her own, and when that child became an adult, they would have the choice to know me, or not. In knowing me, there is a lot of responsibility. In the letters attached to this one, you will find every answer you may seek with this new knowledge. There are keys you will need once you decide, as well as the only thing I have ever had made in your name.

Please have an open heart and an open mind when diving into this story of how and why you are here.

Please know that while you do not know me personally, I have loved you every second of your life.

Your mother deserved a chance to love you, too. She may even love you more than I do, so please don’t be upset with her for keeping this from you. It was not safe for anyone to know about your existence in connection to me.

I hope you choose to know me after all of this.

Until then, Happy birthday, My Princess.

All my love,

Queen Rosaleigh Lightream

P.s. I picked your name the day I felt your heart beating. I hope you love it as much as I loved it in that moment of pure joy and my hope for you.”

I am sure I have stopped breathing. Everything is coming into focus. My parents are staring at me, silently. I am stuck. I swallow as I close my eyes and inhale deeply.

With a heavy exhale, i say, “So, are you two why The Queen is missing?"