The Reset

Come in Mr. Doe and we’ll get started. Would you like some tea? It’s best to be hydrated. No? Very well. Have a seat. Yes, right there. Comfortable? Oh, did you get a snap? Hazards of shag carpeting, I never know when one of my clients will be shocked. But it does add to the mystique of being a personal hacker. Let’s see, where did your bit of trouble start? Right, right your file is…I found it,yes.

It began the same year all the billionaires rocketed off into space, at least, that’s what most of the textchats claim in the history pods. Anyone who digs deeper, has an archeology focus, or collects ancient Terran artifacts will say it started with an apple. But of course, that is utterly ridiculous. When did communication and technology devices interface with fruit?

I’m kidding. Don’t give me that look. Had to know if you were my client or merely a bystander in the wrong place at the right time. The old tech comes with baggage and always at a cost. You and I both know I’m not talking about Quads. Ok, back to your situation Mr. Doe. One of those rich bastard rocketmen had the bright idea for everyone to put their financial data on an implant in their hand. Why not, right? We were already using fingerprints and faces to unlock our devices. What was one more level of security?

Harder to hack, harder to steal, you can’t leave it behind. Was great for going out on the town until trillionaire daddy wanted his money from all the clubbers and socialites. Oh sure, at first there were protections for the common populace but enough dark money to the politicians and eventually that roadblock went away. Eventually Trillionaire daddy owned anyone that didn’t read the fine print and nobody reads the fine print.

You think I’m joking, but did you? Oh don’t mind the restraints, those are for your safety, you must stay still or I cannot help you and that is why you came, no? But back to the question at hand.

When was the last time you read all of a contract, including the small print before you checked a box, eh? Two paragraphs before you start skimming, three if you don’t trust the company right? Your eyes catch on a few words, the ones they want you to see, but that’s about it. It’s written like that on purpose, reading it through practically puts you to sleep unless you are a lawyer or go at it with a good dictionary app. Next time try Legalzip.anon before you click. They are one of the more trustworthy groups. When they aren’t moving servers to avoid getting a permanent shutdown.

Yes, so after fingerprints and faces, little implants in the hand, what better way to keep data safe than going straight to the source, right? There were science fiction books written about it long before it became a reality, computer chips in the human brain that made it more functional. Oh first it was for altruistic reasons. You know, people who had lost motor functions or had a stroke. People who had learning disabilities. People who had been damaged either at birth or later in life. All well and good you know? Things always start out that way.

You are going to feel a light tapping now, this is normal. It won’t hurt, nor will it harm you or leave a bruise. This is merely the electric connection, and now you will feel warmth spread along your skin. Now, where were we? Oh yes.

The first ones to use enhanced intellect were the rich. The first to skip a data interface and just nod their head to click, or use their eyes to ‘look’ tap a word were the one percent. But that’s always the way, isn’t it? And yet the trillionaire himself was rumored to have nothing at all in his brain, imagine that, the man at the top of the pyramid, can have anything he wanted and yet he never altered himself at all. Dark net rumors said he didn’t trust the tech he himself built. Paranoid until the day he died. He is still known as the grandfather of our current corporate state though, and the most cursed name we never say out loud lest we draw the attention of his electronic spies.

Don’t roll your eyes. This history is an important part of the process. What bits of it you know need to piece with the bits that you don’t, as if we were putting files in the right order. There is an ancient term for it, back when computers had a shell and needed a separate screen to show its contents. I’m defragging you. Isn’t that a neat term? They once had a whole children’s show about it called Fraggle Rock, though the few clips I’ve seen of it needed a bit of defragging themselves to make sense. The music and puppets were cute though.

Ok, we are at the tricky bit now. Hold still, stare straight ahead at the red dot on the wall. No it’s not a laser, it’s an ancient pet assistance device. Terrans would give one to their pet so the animal could put their paw or snout on it and express their needs. A bit primitive compared to our pet and human interactive devices but ingenious for its time. No, don’t look at me, look at the dot. On the wall. I’ve almost got it. The tapping will feel harder now and the warmth will tingle at the tips of your fingers and toes.

Speaking of chips in the brain. Human computers. Daddy Trillionaire. Humans were conscripted by corporations. Nobody reads the fine print. Life went on. Society didn’t notice until the first ‘please reset your password’ was sent.

What? Reset a password? Wasn’t that obsolete? Who needed a password when the computer was inside their mind? There were redundancies, firewalls, safety protocols and more anti-viral, anti-malware updates than you could spit sleeth at. Nobody used such antiquated things as passwords anymore, because their brain, their cortex, each individual synapse itself, was supposed to be their password, right? The human, everything that made them, them, was supposed to be unhackable.

And no, I don’t have any sleeth. Disgusting habit that it is. Don’t you know those little buggers will rot your teeth right out of your head? If you don’t spit them out fast enough, I’ve heard some of them start going the wrong way. Think about that the next time you start craving living popping candy creatures. You don’t need one snapping around in your graybox, it’s not pretty.

But, back to your problem, hmm? No, Mr. Doe, you did not come to get your warning turned off, I am afraid that is not possible. I am Kye W1n, personal hacker and chip assistant extraordinaire. I will be seeing you through your transition today. Well, not entirely yours anymore. You see, the fine print of the contract you signed gave us full and entire legal rights to your body and all its assets if at any point in time you could not or would not pay your bill in full and on time.

We gave you a generous grace period of three months Terran original Earth time, which is four days, nine hours and seventeen seconds on Sindical 010. I will be resetting your password for you to a new Mr. Doe, who will be given the same contract and opportunities as those you once enjoyed. If you would like to leave a message for the new Mr. Doe, you may do so at this time. Please say what you will at the beep. Beep.

I’m sorry Mr. Doe, that kind of language cannot be enshrined electronically lest the new Mr. Doe find it offensive. May I suggest a few less epitaphs? The situation is not ideal, but you will not be entirely erased, your data will be held at our facility until your contract expires and may be renewed at any time by family members or other loved ones who might wish your companionship to continue, either in their mind chips or their at home service devices. They may also add you to their Galactic Positioning System if they miss your charming vernacular and dulcet tones.

Very well, no message at this time. I shall proceed with the process. Goodbye Mr. Doe.

Hello Mr. Deux, welcome to Sindical 010! I hope you will be satisfied with our services. I am Kye W1n and I will be assisting you with your contract today. Please read it thoroughly, then initial the small boxes here and sign in the large boxes here and here. Yes, just so. Thank you Mr. Deux.

You have been implanted with the SFX mark 2.105 chip set. You will be able to interface with the net, accept phone calls, take photo stills and video memories. We have many payment options as you can see, initial and then sign the one most convenient for you. Should you for any reason be unable to pay your bill, please contact me or another personal hacker to assist you with your options for continued service. Should you fail to do so, you will be given a grace period of three Terran months. Time varies colony by colony, planet by planet and station by station. It is your responsibility to know your own time difference and therefore the requirements of your contract.

Otherwise, Galexa thanks you for your business and if I have been helpful, or may be of continued service, please do not hesitate to send me a textchat. There will be a two second survey once I disconnect. It has been delightful serving as your personal hacker today.

—-----The above was transcribed from a recording of the Galexa Universal Business Archives for quality and research purposes. Agent Kye W1n personal hacker on duty, customer John Doe data chip password reset due to collection and repossession of company property, new customer Johan Deux contract engaged