The Periodic Table

Prompt: writer a 500 word peice based on one of the following themes: Prison visit, the wall or let there be dragons. I went with the wall and I ended up going on a tangent and it became a part of one of my on-going fics I post on A03. On the next local writing meet up I am bringing this with me but someone else is going to read it. It will be interesting to hear this read out by somebody else.

This was originally posted last night on the fan fiction website: Archive of Our Own aka A03.

Vicky Pollard bounced on the chair. The wooden legs creeked. She adjusted her position as the boney frame dug into her bottom. Squinting until she spread her legs open to a comfortable position. Slouching over to her left, she threw balls of paper at her classmates for their attention. Grinning, she released her excitement.

“Oh my god,” Vicky whispered. “This week at school has been well weird. I so can’t believe that Sakura punched Brock in catering class and got away with it. Brock is such a pervert, he will get it on with anybody. It’s like total carnage and karma. Anyway, none of it would have happened if Eric Cartman’s mum kept her legs shut.”

“What!” Eric screeched. “You are mistaken. It’s KYLE’S MOM who should have crossed her legs” As he twisted towards Vicky, a button from Eric’s coat flew into Vicky’s cheek.

She cupped herself. “ Oh my God, I so can’t believe you just did that. I thought you loved Kyle, amd then you slag him and family off. You’re just doing this because you fancy me and you know I’m having your baby.”

Eric crossed his arms. “It’s not mine,” he muttered. “You know it’s not!”

“Well I know it’s you because it happened on the day that Kari’s cat turned into a human angel and then it turned into a fluffy pink dragon. Then Shin Chan was running around naked raising money for prostate cancer and then we visited him in prison and bailed him out. It was on the same day you took me to that really expensive restaurant called McDonalds and we made mad passionate love in the disabled toilets. And don’t you dare deny it cause if anyone can back me up it’s Kari Yagami cause you tried to play ping pong tennis but she laughed at your tiny knob.”

“You’re not even pregnant,” Kari barked. “You’re just saying you cause you stole chairs from Burger King and you’re diverting attention.”

“Yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, cause I am pregnant so shut up. I know because I sat in Eric’s bath water. Everyone knows the reason why Kari’s grades are so high is because she sleeps around.” Vicky pointed at Kari and grinned. “One day the world is gonna find out what an evil tart or something or nothing you truly are. Cause you stole Ash Ketchum’s ballon’s and used them as condoms cause you couldn’t be bothered to buy it yourself. Oh and buy the way, the next time you talk about me behind my back, you are well going to get beaten by my army of gangster jigglypuffs.”

“How fascinating,” Professor Snape said, leaning against the wall with a faint smirk. “It sounds like the making of an international bestselling novel. A worthy episode of Jerry Springer. Snape sneered at Vicky and directed his attention to the poster on the wall. “Now, what does this have to do with the period table?”

Vicky shrugged her shoulders. “Na.”