The Perfect Pair

When I think back to my childhood, I think of a big yellow sun, and a warm breeze pushing my hair back as I run across a field in Provence. My family is from France, and my younger brother and I would go travel with our parents to visit our grandparents every summer. After a few summers, my parents invited our neighbors, The Connors, to travel with us.

So, for a few summers growing up, my best friend Evan Connor and I had the countryside of Provence as our personal playground. We would laugh and run and play for hours, letting our imaginations run wild. In the morning we would be pirates who had just found land, and in the evening, we would be circus performers practicing their next act. We would always find time, in the afternoon to take a break and eat a pear or two from the pear tree just behind my grandparents' house.

Evan and I were inseparable up until high-school graduation. I was staying in our home state of New York to attend NYU, and he was off to the sunny state of California to attend USC on a football scholarship. Ever since he started playing football in high school and getting scouted, I knew I would lose him. I took every family vacation in the summer as a distraction, it was during those trips to France that I felt the closest to Evan. I pictured us moving to the countryside, buying a nice small cottage down the road from my grandparents, becoming a farmer and a teacher and raise 2 kids of our own. And of course, have our very own pear tree.

As I sat on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by cardboard boxes filled with childhood memories and college freshman necessities, I couldn’t help but wish I could trade in my NYU dorm for the French countryside. Evan walked in, with the moving truck keys in hand, it was his last day in town and he was helping me move. Typical, he was always putting others before himself. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him, but his amazing friendship is also why I’ve never told him. And now that he’s moving across the country, I don’t think I ever will.

“All ready, Sadie?” His voice instantly set off the butterflies in my stomach, but I tried my best to remain calm.

“As ready as I can be.” I responded, knowing that this was the day I’d never really be ready for.

We loaded up the moving truck, 18 years into 8 boxes, and drove to NYU. I tried to focus on the fact that I was coming here to chase my dreams, ever since I was 5 years old, I knew I wanted to be an actress and by age 10 I knew I would one day attend NYU. We arrived and after hours of unpacking the boxes, Evan said he had a gift for me, he reached into his backpack and pulled out a small pink bag with white tissue paper sticking out of it.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” I told him, hiding my excitement for my gift.

“Yes, I did, I’ll be thousands of miles away. You’ll need something to remember me by.” Evan replied.

As if I needed a physical reminder, Evan was burned into my memory. Forever.

I carefully took out the tissue paper from the bag and looked inside, there was a pretty perfume bottle, it was round and clear with a white flower on top as the lid. I sprayed a tiny bit on the inside of my wrist and lifted it to my nose. Pears. I instantly smelled Evan and I’s childhood. The laughter, the endless summer days all coming back to me. It was perfect.

“Wow, Evan…” I trailed off, speechless.

“You don’t have to say anything Sadie, you’re welcome. I’ll miss you, but I’m always going to be there for you”

I didn’t say anything. I just leaned in and hugged him. I held him so tight I never wanted to let go. After what felt like forever, Evan and I released our hug, I quickly wiped away a tear that fell from my eye hoping he didn’t notice.

“I love the smell of pears, and now it’ll always make me think of my best friend”

Evan managed to say the most perfectly bittersweet sentence. He’d always think of me, but only as his friend. Which was better than not at all. And just like that, he picked up his backpack and left, my best-friend was off to California as I settled in my dorm in New York. The distance already weighed heavy on my heart.

The first year of college flew by, and before I knew it Evan was back in New York for the summer. He had brought a friend from USC, Dylan, with him. I assumed the position of third wheel just trying to make the best of Evan being back. Then it was back to college, and the next few semesters flew by, free summers were replaced by internships and summer programs. Our busy schedules put up roadblocks in our long-distance friendship, but we managed the best we could with texts and video chats.

During my final year at NYU, I had my first starring role in a play for the drama department. My family was making it a huge deal and invited my grandparents to come in from France to see it, since they are in their 70s, they rarely travel, but they said they’d be happy to make an exception for their only granddaughter. I had sent texts and emails to Evan inviting him to the play. On opening night, I sat backstage fine-tuning my hair and makeup. I checked my phone for any messages from Evan.

“Sadie, good luck tonight. I really wish I could be there. Love, Evan.”

My heart sank. He wasn’t coming. I held back my tears, I couldn’t ruin my makeup this close to showtime. I grabbed my duffel bag and pulled out my bottle of perfume Evan gave me just 4 years ago. It was almost empty. I managed to get one small spritz out of it on to my wrist. I lifted it to my nose to inhale and got the most subtle hint of pear. After all this time there was barely anything left of the scent. Maybe the same could be said for Evan and me. After all these years, maybe a friendship was all that was meant for us. I took a deep breath and stepped out to the stage.

After the show I greeted my family in the lobby. My dad had a bouquet of flowers for me, and my mother and grandmother were wiping their eyes with tissues. My younger brother, Seth, seemed more interested in his phone than he was to congratulate me, but he was 16 so I couldn’t blame him. My mother hugged me first, blurting out her congratulations through sniffles and tears. Then I accepted the flowers from my dad, who hugged me tight and said he was proud of me, then my grandfather, always a man of few words shook my hand, said “good job” and handed me an envelope.

My grandmother came over and grabbed both my hands, she looked me in my eyes and said to me “My sweet granddaughter, you remind me of me when I was younger, so smart and full of promising talent. Please use it wisely and chase your dreams. And when you think you’re done chasing, keep going.” After she pulled away, I had this sense of appreciation wash over me, it was in that moment that I was grateful for my parents taking us to France all those summers I was growing up. It allowed me to have a relationship with my grandparents and made this moment with my grandmother even more special.

Evan wasn’t there, but I felt content and happy. I fell in love with acting and really started to make peace with not having him in my life the way I had always hoped. With my newfound peace I finished out my last year at school. Just a few days before graduation I received a call from my mother, she was in tears and couldn’t speak so she passed the phone to my father. My grandmother had passed away, soundly in her sleep.

The day after graduation I flew to Provence for the funeral. It was a beautiful service; it was only attended by close family and the neighbors my grandparents were close to, but it was intimate and perfect. My parents, brother and I went to my grandparents' house after. We didn’t want my grandfather to be all alone so soon.

After we settled in, I decided to take a walk, I hadn’t shed a tear for my grandmother since learning of her passing and thought the fresh air would comfort me as I would be alone with my emotions. I walked along the countryside, headed toward the pear trees I would snack from as a child. From afar, I saw a figure silhouetted against the pink-orange sunset. As I got even closer, I could finally make out who it was, Evan sitting under a pear tree. I went and sat next to him. We sat in silence for a few moments, and then his arm stretched out above us as he ripped a pear off the tree and handed one to me.

I couldn’t help but start laughing, as I took a bite of my pear. After I swallowed it, I looked up at him, we locked eyes for the first time during our reunion. Then tears quickly filled up my eyes and started rolling down my cheeks. Evan stretched his arm again, but this time he put it around me and pulled me in. I started sobbing into his chest, and I pulled away enough to finally say

“I love you Evan” to which he replied: “I know, Sadie, I lo…”

And before he could finish, I cut him off. Even though I had thought I fallen out of love with him, I knew in that moment I was just lying to myself.

“No, I’m in love with you Evan, I’ve always been in love with you.”

I was shocked I was able to get that statement out before I started sobbing again. My emotions were a mix of grief and relief, I didn’t realize how hard it had been on me to hold it all in. And with Evan there, holding me, I knew I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I let it all out, I cried more than I thought was humanly possible, and Evan just sat there, holding me the whole time. My steady rock against the delicate pear tree.

After I seemingly calmed down, I looked up at Evan who handed me his bandana so I could wipe my nose.

“I’m so sorry..” I started off, embarrassed knowing my face was a red-hot snotty mess, but Evan cut me off this time.

“I love you too Sadie, I’m in love with you, it’s always been you.”

Then he lifted my chin up and leaned in to kiss me. I accepted and returned it whole heartedly. It felt like our whole lifetime lead up to this moment, this kiss. We pulled away and I settled back into my spot against his chest. My emotions quickly catching up with the events that just took place.

I thought back to 10-year-old me and Evan, pictured us playing across the fields stretched out around us. I may not have everything 10-year-old me wanted, I’m not a teacher on the countryside raising 2 kids. But I had Evan, and we had our own pear tree, and in that moment everything was perfect.