The Peace College

Every crevice of the campus looked manicured and well-kept. The lights hung like lanterns in a jungle of steel and concrete. The family, Serri Albatross (father) and daughter Donna Albatross strolled the parts in their best Sunday attire, slacks and a short sleeve shirt and a sundress, respectively.

“You’ve heard of war colleges. Well this a peace college,” student guide Guidamere Lonker told the group of other short sleeved and sundressed father/daughter teams.

“We specialize in instructing the student body with ideas relating to being pacifists. We discuss no wars, no battles, no skirmishes, no fights, no brawls, nothing like that. We’re here to express only peace.”

Albatross looked cross. Donna beamed.

Guidemere continued.

“If you look to your right, you will find that the names of brave peacekeepers have been etched into the wall. They were brave souls who wanted nothing more than a civil earth. Their memories will live on forever in this wall. Now, does anyone have any questions so far? Yes, sir.”

Albatross raised his hand. “Yes, so there’s no word on all the wars that were fought and the fights that helped to pave the way towards peacetime?”

Guidemere looked down and then looked up. “Well, Mr…”

“Albatross.”

“Albatross, yes. You have to realize that the Gregorian Peace College is a place where undergraduates and graduates will be educated in the ways that other schools don’t or can’t. We have no ROTC. We have the POCT.”

“That is?”

“Peace Officers Complete Training. It is offered to those who wish to advance their studies and make up their own minds about nonviolence and passivity. They go on to become officers in the Peace Force.”

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“Peace Force. It should be in your brochures. They go throughout the world spreading the notion of a nonviolent world.”

“But force is in the name?”

“We’re aggressive about our peacemaking.”

“So,” Albatross started but Donna tugged his arm.

“Daddy, can we please just get on with the tour?”

“Wait, wait,” Albatross intoned. “I’m asking the kind man a few questions just to see if this school is a good fit for you, honey,” he said winking. A sly smile slid across his face.

“No, please, Mr. Albatross. Continue. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

“Well, let me ask you this…coercion and force are basically the same thing. Is it peaceful for your institution to accept federal funds from taxpayers? Isn’t that violence in its own right?”

“Well, I don’t think,” Guidemere began.

“And isn’t it true that a general founded this school and gave it its first endowment? And actually, didn’t a whole host of other warriors pour funds into this place. Those same ‘fighters’ that somehow changed their viewpoints and discovered some mystical voice before dying, don’t they have their names plastered on the walls of this so-called college?”

Donna was completely nonplussed. She just rolled her eyes and held her arms.

“I see we have an educated man. Perhaps a war fighter?”

“That’s right. I served. In the military. And correct me if I’m wrong, my actions served to keep this country with the little freedoms that we hold dear. So whatever it is you’re selling to these people, my daughter’s not going to have a hand in it. Peace is desired but it must be won. And sometimes that means bombing a country and leaving little infants burnt to a crisp. That’s the cost of our precious liberties. The individual rights we know are sacred have to be guarded by those who know how to fire weapons. That’s the deal. C’mon, Donna. There’s plenty of other schools for you to attend.”

On the car ride home, Donna unfolded her arms.