The Old Funky Barn

Eleanor and Jimmy thought to make a trip of it. “We should go to Cody for the rodeo,” she had said. Eleanor and Jimmy had moved to Cheyenne from Fort Collins. They had both graduated from Colorado State but didn’t know each other while they were there.

“Cheyenne seems to have brought us together,” Eleanor had said to Jimmy when they met. She had a degree in biomedical engineering and he in forestry. She was selling pharma, and he was tending buffalo from a desk.

“We should,” he agreed and scratched his thigh as he spoke. Crinkling his nose as if to sneeze he added, “if we go by way of Jackson Hole, we can make a vacation of it.”

There it was. They set out from Cheyenne.

Eleanor’s Tesla made fast and silent work of Interstate 80. Heading up 191, they hadn’t gotten to Eden, when the car stopped.

“Hmm, Eleanor, we had a full charge when we left,” Jimmy started.

“Left Cheyenne,” she finished.

“Remember when we got our smoothies in Rock Springs and I said I thought we were forgetting something and we laughed and turned our music up and danced in our seats rolling on?”

“I like your dancing,” she said.

“And I like berry smoothies,”

“Yep. We forgot to charge up. We should have danced at the smoothie shop while we charged up. We could have done a swing, You were cute though,” she sighed.

“Yep. We should have charged. I was lost in your smile, it made me a little dizzy,” he sighed and scratched his thigh.

They checked their phones for signal and found they had a bar between them.

“In the future,” Eleanor said as she dropped her phone into what Jimmy had considered to be a large bag that she carried as a purse, “we should perhaps use a bit more wisdom when we make our choices.”

Jimmy looked into her eyes, momentarily transfixed, caught his breath, and whispered, “Yes, but I don’t really want to.”

Eleanor blushed.

Jimmy attempted to make a call for road service but the service couldn’t hear him. “You sound like an alien,” the voice on the other side said and hung up.

The car was getting warm in the summer sun and Eleanor opened the door for air. She noticed that just past a string of barbwire and across a field there was an old barn. “Maybe there is someone there with a phone that works.”

Jimmy agreed, grabbed some paper from a briefcase in the backseat of the car and scribbled a note to tuck under a windshield wiper. Eleanor grabbed a blanket from the trunk.

At the fence, Eleanor threw the blanket across the top of the barbwire near a post and deftly did a scissor kick over the wire, her yellow floral dress momentarily billowing gracefully with her movement. Jimmy tilted his head as she leapt. “If ever there was a time for a favorable breeze, it was that moment.”

Eleanor’s eyes widened at the comment and then she smoothed out her dress, blew him a kiss and he took his turn at the fence. She held out a hand and he grabbed it. She squinted at the barn, looking for life, and he watched her while they walked.

From the highway, it had been hard to discern the size of the barn. As they got closer, it was big, not massive, but big, almost like it could hold a couple airplanes but the doors were too small. The wood was gray with age, warped and flecked with chips of red paint. In its day, it must of stood out like a big red beast among the foothills.

“Hello!” shouted Jimmy as he put his hands on the door.

“Anyone here?!” shouted Eleanor.

Jimmy leaned into the door and slid it along its rail to create an opening. It groaned but moved with surprising ease. A large black velvet curtain covered the entrance.

“Hello! Hello! Hello!” shouted a voice from the other side of the now rippling curtain. A pudgy man appeared, his neck so thick that his that head seemed to just be set on his shoulders. He was wearing a long hand-woven skirt and a bowling shirt with the name Mr. Sands embroidered above the breast pocket. Jimmy wasn’t sure where to look.

“It’s a glass eye,” said Mr. Sands, “throws everyone off at first, you’ll figure it out. Now, what brings you to the barn?”

Eleanor suppressed a giggle and Jimmy continued to stare at the eye.

“Our car ran out of charge,” and Eleanor pointed toward the road. Her voice was musical as she spoke and both Jimmy and Mr. Stands simply stood listening for a moment as if hoping for a little more.

“Oh son,” said Mr. Sands, “this is good,” and nodded toward Eleanor.

“We ran out of charge, the car’s electric, and our phones don’t seem to have signal,” replied Jimmy, but he also nodded as he spoke, unintentionally agreeing with Mr. Sands. “I think I do love her, but right now I can’t get signal.”

Eleanor took a turn to stare for a moment at Jimmy, taking a note and finding herself smiling just a little bit. Mr. Sands, nodded, this time in approval.

“You got T-Mobile, don’t you?” Both Jimmy and Eleanor were silent, as if guilty of some crime although it certainly wasn’t. “I have T-Mobile. It’s great anywhere else in the world, literally. I was working with Forest elephants in the jungles of Burma and I could get signal – thank god or I might have lost my other eye. It’s crap out here though. Needs a booster, otherwise you’d do better with a dixie cup on a string.”

Jimmy still wasn’t sure whether or not Mr. Sands was speaking with him but he nodded politely. Jimmy took a back step when he realized Eleanor was glaring at him, and that seemed to be what Mr. Sands’ other eye was doing as well. “What?”

“How come you told Mr. Sands you love me?” Eleanor asked.

“You never told her?” Mr. Sands shook his head. Jimmy scratched his pant leg and looked past Eleanor.

“Well, I guess I just figured I was doing a fine job just showing you so I didn’t really need to say all that. I don’t want to set expectations that I can’t meet.”

“You should tell me point blank sometime.”

“Yeah, you really should tell her sometime,” agreed Mr. Sands. He untied the knot at the top of his skirt and flapped it for a moment to get air circulating underneath then quickly retied it. “Got this not far from where I left my eye, outside of Mandalay. They call it a longyi – big fabric thing for both men and women. You get used to it, and if you have an irregular shape like me, well, you can see the advantage over pants. It’s made out of woven lotus.”

“Like a kilt,” said Jimmy.

“No. A longyi. Kilts are flashy. You don’t see me showing off my knees like some kind of stripper do you? Kilts are also associated with bag pipes. I can’t listen to bag pipes for more than ten minutes without getting hives, like I’ve got some kind of allergy.”

Eleanor nodded in approval then asked, “What’s behind the curtain?”

“It keeps the funk inside. Why don’t you make your call first,” Mr. Sands pointed to the upper level of the barn, “Got a booster here that should get you through.”

Eleanor called the car service who told her they couldn’t get a flatbed out to her until morning. Mr. Sands was listening and told her not to worry.

“We can’t stay in an old funky old barn for the night,” said Jimmy.

“You love her?” Mr. Sands asked again.

“We went over this, okay yes I do.”

“Cool,” said Mr. Sands, “you love him?”

“What?” Eleanor blushed, nodded and kicked a small stone at Jimmy.

“Come on in then,” said Mr. Sands, “It’s an acoustic curtain. I told you, it keeps the funk inside,” and with that he pulled the curtain open. The bass shook their very hearts in their chests and a horn section punctuated a number of sonorous shouts.

“Welcome to the barn of funk. This where all funk resides when it isn’t spreading love around the world baby baba. Only love is allowed inside and here, you can wait till morning.”