The Old Barn and A Small Town Love

We went to that barn together, everyday, as kids. "Merrilyn Jane!" I yelled out at her. She finally turned swiftly to meet my eyes with hers. Gah she's beautiful, I thought to myself. Her brown hair so light in the wind, it almost made me feel even lighter just looking at it fall into her face as she sat in the summer grass of a meadow. Shes gripping a book and leaned against the wood of that old barn. Our usual meeting spot after school. The wildflowers surrounding her.

When does she not have her hands in the pages of a book, I thought.

"MJ! - hey, let's go get a couple of those orange pushup pops you like so much eh?" I swear I've never seen this girl turn down orange sherbet. "Yea sure!" A reply I'm always so thankful to hear.

She starts out the conversation, as she usually does. She's definitely the talker between the two of us, and I'm completely fine with listening to her voice. "Hey what happen in Mr. Bridges class today? I heard several people buzzing about it."

"3rd period? - Holy smokes M, get this... you know where I sit, towards the back next to Will and Noland... well Bridges is in his office and the rest of us were working on projects in the other part of the barn. I dont have a clue what Noland ate, or drank or God knows what, but the man is gripping at the rear like he's going to explode if he doesn't hit the pot FAST."

"Oh no... but isn't the toilet still broken down there?" "Yup! So Bridges walks out, says he will be right back. And Noland SPRINTS to his trash can-" "noo.." MJ replies and hurries her hand to her mouth in shock of what she knew was coming after. "Yea. He takes a dump in his trash can!!" She burst in laughter and covers her face in her hands, almost embarrassed for him.

We've reached our bikes. "So Bridges shows up about 5 minutes later, sits in his desk and says "what the hell is that smell??". And for the love of God we are all trying not to lose it. And then "who shit in my trash can!?" "Does he know who did it??" MJ asked. "Absolutely not." We giggle as we jump on our bikes and start to peddle.

For whatever reason that memory is so clear to me. Her smile and her soft laugh. She was always good around my friends. The guys loved her, considered her one of them.

I haven't seen her in years, I think to myself as I stand in the light squeezing its way through missing pieces of wood in the old barn walls. My family moved away just after we graduated. We tried to stay in touch but she went off to college and being the good student she always was, she got so wrapped up in school. She stoped having the time for phone calls and then soon for text. Until finally we both just got too busy and fell into the quiet buzz of everyday life.

A friend in class had passed away from a horrible car accident. I was here for the funeral. Dressed in my best black, I went ahead and sat on a pile of hay, and leaned against the wood as I replayed the funeral in my mind.

I looked for her. The whole time. Is that wrong? I didn't hear any of the words spoken by the pastor. I just kept looking for that familiar silk, brown hair. Even after the service I stood and chatted with some of my buddies and we smiled about good memories. Still. I looked.. No sign of her.

I sit here in this barn, regretting not chasing after her a little harder. Regretting not calling a little more. Regretting what I might have missed out on.

I hear twigs snap behind me, outside by the silo right next to the barn. My heart flutters and I plead inside my chest that its her. As I step out I look at the silo, it being just as tired and worn as the barn.

Nothing.

Just a doe and her fawn enjoying coming out of the woods to warm the evening sun. That moment of stillness breaks as a distant sound of a car comes rolling closer. My heart speeds up again and I can hear the blood pumping harder in my ears.

The car makes it into sight...It's just Will. He rolls up next to my truck and yells. Then waves at me to come towards him as he steps out, leaving his engine on. I make it over to him. "Heeyy Mikey Mike," he goofs as he reaches his arms out to smother me in a manly embrace. "Whatcha doing out here? Everyone's gathered for the dinner, put together for the funeral." "Nothing," I lie in reply. He grabs my shoulder with his strong grip and says, "come on, let's go eat bud."

We eat the meal at the dining hall, connected to the church. It's a pretty small town so just about everyone is there, yet the new parking lot still had a space or two empty. I mingled some and gave my condolences to the family.

I felt bad that the emptiness I felt was not from the funeral but from the disappointment that I didn't see her at the barn, where we could always find each other. So I decided to go for a walk.

I walked over to the high school. Even though no one is there, as I passed the football field I could hear all the sounds of a game and smell the grass on my uniform. Gah how I wish she was here too.

I went back and found my car. Not that it was a tough search or anything. Most people had gone and the town is starting to quiet down. The sun is almost gone as the night starts to lay itself like a blanket, over a long day.

I decided to start the drive back home, 3 hours away. I stopped by our spot and picked up that classic orange sherbet push pop, a bag of honey roasted peanuts and a coke for the road. I smiled as I smelled the ice cream.

10 minutes on the road and suddenly the truck infront of me slams on the breaks and swerved off the road. I managed to get a grip on wheel as I see a doe make it to the other side of the road and people start passing us. I pull over in the grass with the truck and I get out to make sure the drivers ok.

Her face in her hands, she looks like she might be crying. There's a little blood on her front left light. She hit it. I make it over and knock on the window, startling her even more. And what I saw seem to suck the air right out of me. The most beautiful woman. A flash back of familiar feelings and memories rush through mind and a moment, it felt like I had been standing there for years as our eyes met.

My MJ. "Mike!?," she stutters as she gets out of her truck in a hurry. A few tears running down her soft cheeks from what just happened but a look of aw on her face at the surprise that its me. She hugs me. Tight. And I can't figure out if this is a dream, as I feel I'm floating in shock. I hug her back so tightly that I worry I could be hurting her.

Her familiar smell, her wonderful brown hair, all of it, all grown up yet somehow still exactly the same. "It's ok you're ok," I manage to mutter. And in that very same moment I think to myself, this time...I'm not letting go.