The Oddity Emporium

“Good afternoon, and welcome to the Oddity Emporium. Would you like to simply browse, or are you looking for something in particular?”

“Good morning, my good sir, and I am indeed looking for something, but I’m not so sure in the specific. I do need a something, a je ne sais quoi, certainly. But pertaining to its shape, or quality, or provenance, I am a bit perplexed.”

“I noted that a price point was not mentioned in that list, so I assume it is not relevant?”

“If it is the right thing, it goes home. I know no other way.”

“Very good, sir. Are you the type to ask for guidance, or the kind that would demand I make the choice for you?”

“Wait, there are those types in the world? The latter, I mean.”

“Indeed sir, and a great many come here. This, and also jewelry stores, like the shiny facets and glittering gold are a lamp to their mesmerized moths.”

“That’s a disturbing image. Both are, actually, now that I think on it.”

“Come in often enough, and you’ll see what I mean.”

“I had a devil of a time finding you! I’ve wanted to patronize you for years, and I swear I’ve tried to find you, and only now was I successful enough to actually find you!”

“Yes, we are an odd little store, with even stranger hours. I go on many buying trips, therefore business hours can become a bit erratic.”

“Not a terribly efficient business model, is it? A bit of advertising and regularity would do wonders for your bottom line.”

“I assure you, sir, I do not need the money. And word of mouth suits me just fine. And repeat customers, and people like you, curious enough to keep hunting.”

“Hm, well, just saying. Well, I would avail myself of your offer to guide me, since my taste is very eclectic, I’m not sure just what I’m looking for.”

“Is it to fit a particular space, or is the object itself more important? Or its history?”

“Hunh. Never thought of it that way. Not to fill a particular space, unless you mean the void I feel.”

“Can you describe how big a void? Feel free to wave your hands vaguely in the air, it rather helps.”

“Are you serious?”

“Just try it. Humor me. You sought this establishment, you asked for my assistance, it does you no harm to stay the course.”

“Out of personal curiosity, could you explain why?”

“Because sometimes your mind knows, but has no way of conveying the information to your conscious mind. So we circumvent your rationality, by using body movement.”

“If you say so… Well, hmm, about like so? And so?”

“Very good, sir! So, not a large piece of old furniture. Not some of the larger items, like the seventeenth century boat out back. Not a piece of jewelry, that’s too small. Something like a vase, or a casket, or bowl, or centerpiece. Perhaps as large as a jardiniere, perhaps as small as a mantel clock.”

“Not pottery. Where in the world did that come from?”

“Your subconscious. Let me guess, not a big fan of majolica?”

“Can’t stand the stuff. To bright, too much tin. I know others love it, and that’s fine, but it’s not my thing.”

“Excellent, sir! See, it’s working! We have already eliminated a great many possibilities, allowing us to focus on your interests.”

“That’s… rather amazing, actually.”

“Wood? Metal? Glass?”

“I do like wood, but… not this time? I think? I’m pretty sure.”

“Metal and glass, then. Let’s go look at what I have. Aisle four would be a perfect place to begin.”

“Lead the way, good sir.”

“Very well, we go this way, and make this strange turn at the corner of the counter.”

“Odd configuration.”

“Necessary to fit into this location, I assure you. Ah, here we are. Silver, brass, copper; tin and pewter are on the lower shelf, we can ignore it unless our initial quest proves fruitless. A few gold-washed items, mostly silverware. Anything catch your eye?”

“Um, no. That’s odd, I thought it would be in silver, but these are too plain.”

“What about engraved? Chased? Figural?”

“Do you have anything jeweled?”

“Ah, aisle five. We’ll just turn halfway down the aisle, here, at the gap. Patens, pyxes, caskets, trinket boxes, reliquaries, even a few puzzle boxes-”

“This. This one. This is it!”

“Most excellent choice, sir! It is a true Limoges, give or take thirteenth century. That particular one was rumored to be an important relic box before I acquired it, but long empty by the time I touched it. Not stolen; I did due diligence before I bought it. Just an impoverished baronet that needed fast cash, and smuggled it out on his own. He was quite happy to part with it for what I offered.”

“It has a false bottom. Is there something in it?”

“You haven’t even opened the enameled lid, how could you possibly know that? I don’t even know that!”

“But, isn’t it obvious? Here, let’s go back to the counter, I’ll show you.”

“We shall go, but… I think you should keep what you find to yourself. If I didn’t know, I don’t think that knowledge was for me, but for its owner.”

“But, you owned it. Well, own it, till I purchase it.”

“Not really. I have my own eclectic collection, surely, just as everyone else who comes in the door has their own eclectic collections. As do you. But I am only a temporary caretaker of the pieces that are on these shelves, flotsam and jetsam of esoterica left on the shore of ravaging time. These are never really mine, in any certain sense of the word.”

“That’s deep, sir. You remind me of a friend of mine, he calls himself a devotee of history. Has these deep conversations with me, when he’s had a snort of good whisky.”

“Sounds like a man after my own heart. Did he tell you about my emporium?”

“Strangely, no. I don’t think he knows you exist, honestly. A fellow collector did, when he saw my shark-tooth sword. Said he collected ‘dead aminal parts,’ offered to buy it. Told me about you, and he’s been trying to find you.”

“Ah, well, when one is looking for ‘dead aminal parts,’ one might not be able to locate my establishment. But, your friend? Tell him about me. I have quite an assortment of books, that he would likely get lost in. Would do him a world of good.”

“Ah, he’s the poor professor type, he couldn’t afford your quality. By the way, here’s my credit card. Doesn’t matter the cost, it’ll go through.”

“Oh, sir, I didn’t say he’d have to buy anything from me. My own collection is quite eclectic, as I mentioned, and includes being the acquaintance of many a student of history. Some enjoy coming just to hunt in the stacks, searching for wonderful nuggets of strange knowledge to share. I’m sure we could come to certain agreements, or trades.”

“If you say so. Sure, I’ll tell him. Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate your time. Hopefully I can find you again, when the urge to fill the void hits.”

“I’m sure you’ll return in good time, and with your friend. Here is your purchase, sir, well wrapped against the elements and damage. Enjoy it in good health, and a very good day to you; thank you so much for visiting my establishment.”

“Wait. Did you say a boat? Out back? But, we're in a city, how can it fit-”

“Ah, good sir, that shall have to wait for another day! You did say you had an appointment you need to fulfill, so enjoy the afternoon, and your purchase, and come again soon!”

“Um, yeah, I do, can’t miss it again. Um. That stuffed bear, beside the door, was that there when I came in? It’s very lifelike, that’s a bit disturbing. Like it’s alive, and will breathe in a moment, but it’s holding its breath...”

“Of course, good sir. I keep it there on a whim, so patrons can say they exit, pursued by a bear.”

“Oh, haha, that’s a funny one. My friend will love that, I’ll get him in here.”

“Of a surety, good sir, till we meet again.”

“Well, see you later, have a good one…”