The Most Boring

“I am boring. Probably the most boring person on earth. Nothing exciting ever happens to me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You know when people claim to have been near death and seen their life flash before their eyes?

Well.

I got mugged behind the grocery store the other day. Held at gunpoint, might I add.

I saw my life flash before me and it was a list of bullet points! It felt more like a presentation than an actual life lived! Why, it was so bad that I was this close to taking the gun and doing the job myself. This worried the man. He ended up letting me go and even recommended a therapist as I walked away.”

“Oh, you must be exaggerating. I bet your life has had more excitement than you are crediting for.”

“Oh no! Not at all. I’ve only ever worked to live and lived to work.”

“What about your childhood?”

“I don’t remember much of it.”

“What about your teenage years?”

“Spent my days studying.”

“College?”

“Graduated at the top of my class. Summa Cum Laude.”

“Young adult life?”

“I’m only 26!”

“Wow. It really does seem like your life isn’t as exciting as one would assume.”

“See? I told you-“

“Now, now. Let’s see. Are you married?”

“No.”

“What do you do?”

“Accountability.”

“Okay, this isn’t helping the matter. I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to tell you that your life is still worth living and you’ll find your purpose soon.”

“Do you really think so?”

“No.”

“Oh…”

“I want to be positive and tell you otherwise. But the truth of the matter is that you have lived the life you made. There is no use in complaining that your life is boring if you’ve never actually worked some excitement into it. Opportunities are everywhere. Excitement is everywhere. Romanticize all you do. Love yourself the way you’d love someone else. Don’t expect passion to spring where you have not planted. You can continue to mope about your boring life or you can do something about it. Life is not a given. It is an invitation. And if you don’t accept the dance, don’t expect others to dance for you.”

“I….I have no words….”

“Of course you don’t. The presentation of your life is almost finished. You will never get to dance again.”

“That can’t be right. You see, I agree that passion is not my strongest suit but I don’t think I should die simply because I have nothing going for me.”

“My child, you have nothing to live for.”

“Alas, I have nothing to die for either.”

“Let me ask you this, since you’re suddenly so full of answers. If you were to live again, what would you do? What would you change?”

“I wouldn’t change a thing. I may not have much for myself but I live for those around me.”

“That’s no way to live-“

“But it is still a life.”

“How so?”

“My parents depend on my income to live. If I were to leave, they’d be left with all of the medical and funeral costs. That would be too much of a burden for them to bear.”

“Is that all?”

“My siblings depend on my stability. If I were to leave, they’d lose the only person that provides them safe refuge. That would be too much of a burden for them to bear.”

“Is that all?”

“It would seem so. It might not be much. I might not have as much as others. But the little I do accounts for my happiness.”

“Just a moment ago you complained about not having any excitement in your life. And now you turn around-“

“I never said I wasn’t happy.”

….

“You can’t negotiate your life. Your fate is a finale not an intermission.”

“Can we flip a coin then? That’s not a negotiation but a final say of fate.”

“I suppose I can humor you before the inevitable. Which side of the coin would you prefer?”

“If my end is inevitable, does it really matter which side I choose? Go on then, flip the coin.”