The Marriage of Hades

Hades looked around the grand ballroom of Mt. Olympus as he waited for his bride, pleased with both the turn out and the décor. It seemed as if most of the gods and goddesses had come to attend his wedding to his beloved Persephone, just as he suspected they would. Extravagance was the theme of this wedding. The columns, walls, and even the floor was covered with an array of flowers for his darling bride. The feast was huge – wine, meats, cheeses, fruits. Even his beloved’s favorite pomegranates were on the menu tonight. While such things mattered little to Hades, he knew his wife would be pleased by the arrangements and that his guests would enjoy the grandeur of it all. While events such as this mattered little to Hades, and he often found excuses not to attend, he was looking forward to this one. Apart from it being his own wedding reception, he had a feeling that tonight would be quite entertaining.

His enthusiasm was even more pronounced as his lovely bride made her way into the reception hall, adorned in flowers and wrapped in beauty. Hades loved her more each day and didn’t regret making her his bride. His only sadness was that she’d be forced from his side for half a year, every year, thanks to Persephone’s mother, Demeter, but it was well worth the price to have her as his own. He’d think of that later though. He had other matters to focus on tonight, one of which happened to be his blossoming bride. Persephone regally made her way to his side, presenting herself as every inch the Queen of the Underworld that she was. Hades gave her a small, kind smile as she sat deftly at this side as their guests cheered and shouted their congratulations to the happy couple.

“Good job on finally finding a bride, even if you had to kidnap her to do it!” Zeus laughingly proclaimed, raising a glass in his honor.

“Three cheers to the kidnapping king!” Poseidon teased, also raising a glass as the others joined in. Hades smirked at their remarks, uncaring of their trivial opinions as he petted Cerberus who lay at his feet, watching the other gods and goddesses in their mirth.

“You look quite happy with yourself tonight,” Persephone stated, giving him a quizzical look. “I thought you abhorred festivities such as this.”

“I do, but I have reason to take delight. You’re here with me,” Hades declared, sitting back in his throne as he spoke softly with his queen, before taking her hand and kissing it lightly as the others danced below them, having the time of their immortal lives. The dancing was interrupted when, out of nowhere, a mysterious box wrapped in simple brown paper appeared in the middle of the ballroom and floated silently there.

“Hermes, were we expecting another gift? From my mother, perhaps?” Persephone asked as everyone stopped to stare at the small package.

“If it’s a gift from your mother, then I don’t want it,” Hades joked.

“No, my lady. We weren’t expecting anything else,” Hermes also replied. Hesitantly Pandora made her way to the box, forcing a chuckle from Hades lips. It would be her to approach it first.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, dear? You know what happened with the last box,” Athena called out, causing everyone to laugh. Pandora ignored them and went to the box anyway.

“To the handsomest god of them all,” Pandora read as she picked up the card attached to the mysterious wrapped box. “Eris, is this your doing?”

“It’s not me. I was actually invited to this wedding,” Eris intoned, downing her glass of wine before continuing her conversation with Hecate, utterly uninterested in the package.

“We should get rid of it. Nothing good ever comes from mysterious gifts at weddings,” Hades declared, getting ready to stand up and dispose of the wrapped box when Aries stopped him.

“Wait, wait, wait. Why should we do that? I think it only fair that the most handsome of us should be given our due,” Aries declared.

“And you think that god is you?” Poseidon scoffed.

“Who else? It certainly isn’t Hephaestus!” Aries declared, taking a jab at his lover’s husband, which, to his credit, he pretended not to hear.

“Don’t make me laugh. We all know I’m the most handsome!” Poseidon refuted.

“As the king of the gods, I believe that honor goes to me,” Zeus disagreed.

“You’re only the king because your mother swapped you for a stone,” Aries argued. “That says everything there is to say about your looks!”

“Not to mention he could only get Leda to sleep with him by turning into a swan,” Poseidon added. With that, Hera threw her glass on the ground, huffing as she stormed away at the mention of her husband’s infidelity. Poseidon ignored her and continued speaking. “I am very obviously the only one here worthy of such a gift.”

With that, chaos ensued over the reception hall. Gods were fighting gods, goddesses were fighting goddesses. Hermes, in his panic, flew into the feasting table as Poseidon flooded the floor in an effort to show off. Not to be outdone, Zeus rained down his lightning bolts onto the poor columns, flowers and food flying everywhere. Seeing his chance to eat the spoiled food, Cerberus rushed to the fallen feast, knocking down any god or goddess in his path like a wave even grander than the ones Poseidon could create in the sea.

Not to be bested by them, Aries joined in, trying to show himself off with his warring prowess. His antics captured the puppy’s attention. Distracted from the food, Cerberus began chasing the war god, all three of his heads barking joyfully at what he thought was probably nothing but a fun game as gods and goddesses continued to topple in his wake. Hades was able to remain mostly calm in the chaos until Dionysius drunkenly grabbed onto Apollo’s tunic to keep from falling. Instead of saving him, he ended up stripping the tunic off of Apollo instead, causing his sister, Artemis, to swoon. At that, Hades could no longer hold back his laughter. Persephone simply stared at the behavior around them, an appalled expression on her beautiful face.

“Stop this at once! I am not amused!” Calliope yelled, dashing to hide in the now unlit hearth to escape from Zeus’ lightning bolts as he continued fighting with Aries and Poseidon.

“Find your own hearth!” Hestia exclaimed, pushing Calliope out and causing her to fall head over heals onto the watery floor. Soon there wasn’t a dry tunic in the hall as the disheveled gods and goddesses scrambled to stop Zeus, Aries, and Poseidon from their feud.

“It’s not even a pretty box. I mean, look at the vulgar wrapping. It’s just brown paper. Surely it’s not worth all this trouble,” Persephone murmured.

“The things the gods will do to stoke their own egos, I suppose. Come, my love. I think it’s time we retire,” Hades decided, standing up and offering his bride his hand. She accepted it and stood up.

“You aren’t curious to know what’s in it?” Persephone inquired, sidestepping over Aphrodite who skidded on her bottom across the floor in front of them.

“Not in the least. Why should I be when I’m the one who made it?” Hades revealed in an almost hushed whisper so as not to be overheard, flashing her a dashing smile after he spoke while they continued to calmly walk to the doors as if pure pandemonium wasn’t happening all around them.

“You? Why?”

“I heard the other gods talking about how silly Hera, Aphrodite, and Athena acted over the golden apple, swearing they’d never behave in such a manner. Perhaps now they’ll think before they speak,” Hades told her, lifting his bride up and over Eros who lay knocked out and sprawled on the floor.

“You sly man. To think they all say that you’re the dull one,” Persephone mused, her gentle laughter melting his heart as they reach the doors, Cerberus running to their side. “I really must teach you the benefits of a package that’s nicely wrapped. Presentation is important too, you know.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” Hades assured, patting his puppy’s head.

“You know that I must ask. What is in the package?”

“Chaos, my love. Pure chaos.”