The Lonely God

Hurtling through the cosmos, worlds whirling by as I passed galaxy after galaxy, I wondered what was wrong with me.

There was nothing wrong with me though. I was perfect. I was a god. An almighty creature capable of creating entire galaxies. Capable of ripping through the fabric of the universe to reach another.

If I was the epitome of perfection, why did I think there was something wrong with me?

It wasn’t my corporeal form. How could it be when I was forged by the cosmos to be this way. Brighter than any star or sun, I zipped through space as a glowing green light – a comet of godly power.

It wasn’t my power; that was infinite and incomparable. Nor was it my mind considering I was all-knowing.

I could not discern why I felt as if something were wrong with me. Perhaps that was the problem. I was supposed to be all-knowing yet there was an answer beyond my grasp. Determined to remedy this flaw, I rocketed through the galaxies. I stopped at every planet with sentient life to observe them, to learn their flaws and look for them in myself.

Years passed as I studied them all. As I searched for an answer, the only thing I found was other creatures. I witnessed their births, their growth and finally their deaths. I jumped from planet to planet, galaxy to galaxy, and universe to universe searching endlessly.

This single thought drove me to near madness as I sought my answer. I had to know. I knew everything and I wouldn’t let it escape me.

There were other gods out there, other versions of myself from parallel universes. We were forbidden to interact though, and I could not ask my other selves if they knew the answer I sought.

This unrelenting need to know haunted me for centuries until eventually, I drifted along without any purpose.

I floated into a solar system long forgotten by myself. As I recalled though, there was only one planet with life here. It had been a primitive species at the time, and I was interested to see how they evolved since then. Observing from afar, I witnessed how far these cave-dwellers expanded. Their technology was near to interstellar travel although their space programs were still in their infancy. I saw all the signs though. This planet was quickly nearing the threshold that would launch them into different galaxies.

Seeing this species thriving lit a spark in me that had been dulled by my lengthy search, a spark of joy for the life around me. Invigorated by this, I watched this planet. I watched it expand and evolve until the day my consciousness latched onto one person.

The first time I truly looked at her, all I could see was the shining soul beaming out from beneath that human shell. Her soul looked like me. Like a glowing orb of green light. I’d never seen a soul look like that before. Typically, they were varying illuminations of gold. Those closer to death had dimmed souls while newborns shined as bright as any sun.

Her soul called to me like no other.

Intrigued, I followed her every move. Time slowed down for me as I experienced her life, met her friends and family and watched her age. Elle was her name, and she was as near to perfect as any creature had come to matching me. Her intelligence was vast although she was not all-knowing. Her beauty blinded all that dared to look upon her, but she was scarred from an accident as a child and carried too much weight in her thighs. Her power could not create worlds like me, although she created imaginary ones through writing. Her influence on this world was transient while mine was everlasting.

There was one aspect she excelled at above me though.

Elle excelled at living. Her life was fleeting yet she lived more than I had in millennia. She loved and lost, and cried, and screamed at the universe. She felt every emotion so intensely and openly while I had never even known the touch of another.

The roiling insecurity of doubt in my core simmered as another thought came to me. This time, there was no problem with me. On the contrary, I’d finally found my answer.

There was never anything wrong with me.

I was not flawed. I was lonely.

Shedding the glowing green cloak of my godly existence, I donned a human form that Elle would appreciate and introduced myself.

She was my answer. My soulmate.