The Healing Nature of a Cup of Coffee

Sara Beth sat silently at the edge of the bed. Head in her hands trying to process what she just heard. She wondered how just five hours ago she was a happily married woman and now she was a widow with two teenagers who now have no father.

It hadn’t dawned on her yet that she had a working ranch to run and a budding guide business to lead. It hadn’t even occurred to her, she just lost her best friend. The only thought running through her mind is that her husband has died.

Through her sobs, she could hear her youngest, her daughter Macey, walk up.

“Momma?” Macey hadn’t called her Momma in years, but she had the gut wrenching feeling something was terribly wrong when she approached the bedroom. As she slid down the bed next to her wailing mother, she wrapped her arms around her. “Momma, what is it? What is wrong?” This time a little more frantically.

Sara Beth pulled herself together to look into her daughter's beautiful hazel eyes, her dad's eyes. Those beautiful eyes that change colors depending on their mood. She cupped her hand around Macey’s face. “Honey, your Dad was in an accident this morning.” her words trailed off as she weeped uncontrollably.

Macey just sat stunned. How? How could her Dad be dead? What does she mean? The thoughts raced through her mind. He can’t be gone, we have a show this weekend. What about her show? It was then Macey realized she was screaming and it was her mother who was comforting her now.

The next few hours were a blur. Neither moved from bed until Caleb made it home from football practice. As they bothe moved together out of the bedroom into the kitchen, they starteled Caleb as he came in.

Sara Beth was drained at this point and barely had the energy to speak. “Caleb, darling, I don’t know how to tell you this” She said with a raspy voice and swollen eyes. He knew something really bad must have happened, he just didn't know how bad. “But your dad was in an accident this morning picking up cattle in Greenwood. He didn’t make it, doll.” No sooner than the words left her mouth, Caleb punched a hole in the kitchen wall and turned around just as fast. He and his Daddy had their differences but they were two peas in a pod. As he ran out the front door, Sara Beth chased him. “Caleb!” but he was gone, in his truck and out of the driveway.

“That’s all I remember from that day”, Sara tells says softly as she leans over to fill a cup of coffee. The receipent, Buster gives a smile and nods. He may have a tough exterior but Buster had an incredible way about him that felt like home. Sara hired him as the ranch manager about 6 months after Brandon died. In the last four years he has helped in every aspect of the ranch. And for the first time felt comfortable enough to ask her what happened. He knew that she had lost her husband when he started but never felt it was an appropriate time to ask how. As someone who had lived through his share of heartache, he knew when to pry and when to leave things alone.

She continued on, “The next days, weeks and months seem to be in slow motion and fast forward all at the same time.” Looking around while sipping from her cup “If it wasn’t for all of this” gesturing her hands around signaling the ranch, “you and my kids, I wouldn’t have made it” she pauses and smiles as a memory washes over her. “Well and my old friend Mama Owl.”

Buster gave a chuckle. “Oh yes, I remember her. She had a knack for flying out of the hay loft and scaring the dickens out of whoever was in her path.”

“Yes, she did. But she was also an incredibly calm presence for me.”

Sara sat next to Buster. Took a deep breath and started to detail what happened the day she lost her heart. The guys had gone to pick up the new cattle and were loading a new bull when they lost control of the swing gate. When that happend the gate pinned Brandon against it and the stall. Which caused the bull to buck and kick all around, kicking Brandon right in the head. Killing him instantly.

Buster placed his hand on top of Sara’s, with an empathetic smile and said “I’m so sorry.”

“You know, the hard part is acceptance. To accept that your whole world is shattered and what was will never be again, it is gut wrenching. Having to accept your best friend, the love of your life will never walk through your door again is surreal. But once you accept it, it changes into something else. You’re not resisting, it’s like flowing with the pain.”

“That old owl taught me that. I would go out to the barn night after night and just sit in the equipment, touch Brandons tools. Just to feel his presence. The cold crisp air felt so refreshing as the tears rolled down my face.

After weeks of being out there, she would join me. I would sit on the stacks of feed and she would sit on the tractor. Those big beautiful eyes just looking at me. It was like she could read my mind and was assuring me at the same time. Soon, I found myself going out to see her.

Right after I hired you, she had three owlets. The problem is as wise as she seemed to be, nest building was not her specialty. One morning I walked out to get some supplies and I found the babies had fallen out of the loft. My heart immediately sank. I felt like I was losing my Brandon all over again.”

Sara Beth's eyes were shining with tears as she spoke. “But Mama Owl was so strong. That night I went in to check on her. She was down on the ground where we found her babies. As I got closer she looked up at me. It felt like an eternity as we both just stared into each other eyes, it was like we were sharing each other's pain and then she flew out of the barn door for her nightly hunt.” Mama Owl went on to have more babies and lived happily in the barn loft for the next few years before she disappeared.

At the moment Mama Owl flew out to look for food it was then Sara accepted what happened and that life was going to continue all around her. The hole in her heart would never be repaired. But she took comfort in all that she had had with her husband. She was thankful for it all the highs and the lows.