The Girl With The Swollen Heart

“Where am I?” I thought as I tried to open my heavy eyelids. It felt as though a small fairy sat on my eyes to keep them shut. I pushed against the fairy in my imagination and slowly opened my eyes. Bright lights felt like they were stabbing my retinas, maybe I should have let the fairy keep them shut. A few blinks and squints later, I could make out a white ceiling with a light covering that looked like a nipple. Faint sounds were around me, they sounded like the conversations of aliens speaking in their native tongue. If it was possible my hearing was as blurry as my eyesight, It felt like my ears were stuffed with cotton balls. My body felt as groggy as my memory. I moved my head around to survey my environment, I was laying down behind drawn curtains with an Iv drip invading my arm. The hospital, of course, my memory started to flood back and I felt my heart pulsate and swell. I tried to call for someone's attention to alert them I was awake, but I sounded like a frog croaking on its deathbed. I licked my chapped lips ready to try again when my curtains were suddenly drawn from around me.

Bright sunlight flew into my room like it was let out of a cage. The sun was quickly parted by a large figure in a doctor's coat. He hovered over me like victor Frankenstein did with his monster. “I see you’re awake Tulip, you were out for 3 days” I wish he’d skip the formalities and just get to the point already. I guess my emotions were written on my face so he laughed nervously and moved on. "Before I let your parents in I’d like to update you on your condition” He gave me an unwanted sympathetic look and continued “Your heart is getting worse, the size is nothing we’ve seen before its as if it increases with size with every single emotion you've ever felt in your life. In most cases, swollen heart syndrome only happens when the patient feels extreme emotions and can't handle them. Yet with you…I'm not saying you're an overly emotional person it's quite the opposite It's like your heart is the oversensitive one. If you're not careful your emotions could kill you.” with that he nodded and my parents came rushing in.

I felt my heart swell with heaviness as they gave me hugs and kisses. Their voices, a mixture of Spanish and English molded together and started to fade away. I traveled down the rabbit hole of my mind and got lost again. Swollen hearts are a natural phenomenon in my world. The heart is like a corked bottle of emotions, if a person doesn't release some pent-up emotion once in a while, you can imagine the heart will get crowded. The more a person stuffs their emotions deep down in their heart the more it swells and swells until it cant swell anymore, and it explodes. It quite literally explodes and the person pukes out a bloody confetti party out of their body. Swollen heart syndrome can be cured with therapy, when someone finally talks about their pent-up emotions their heart slowly deflates and a steam of red mist comes out of their ears. I haven't had any red steam, my heart continues to swell and I'm just counting down the days till I explode.

I grab my chest as I feel my heart start to swell again. This stupid heart of mine, that swells with every single emotion. I wish I could stop feeling. I wish my heart was made out of unbreakable ice. Instead, it's a ball of emotion that sits in my chest like a heavy burden. My heart unlike most swells far faster than others because my emotions are overbearing and strong, the doctors don't know what to do and my family just looks at me like I'm fragile glass waiting to shatter at any moment. I had it under control, until she came along, her heart as bright and fiery as her hair. It's her fault, for the past 18 years I’ve been able to feel as little as possible to slow the swelling of my heart so that maybe I could live to 21 and explode legally in a strip club. I felt my consciousness being yanked out of my rabbit hole, my name now at the forefront of my mind “Tulip you have a visitor” four words my mom said so simply brought me more dread than my heart could handle. Red loose curls filled my vision and a smile that made my heart swell and swell. I sat up so fast I thought my heart would explode then and there. Green eyes pierced past my hazel eyes and past my soul straight to my swelling heart. I was ready to run; before my feet could touch the ground, she spoke from her fiery heart.

"Stop running away Tulip, just talk to me I know you're scared, but you can't just put a cork on your emotions like your heart. You can't go around acting like you're the only vulnerable person here, I know it terrifies you to be honest, more than it terrifies you to explode.” I felt my heart swell; its weight even heavier than before, like a bunch of fairies were sitting on it. This is it, this is where I die, all because of my own emotions, no, all because of my fear of my emotions. If I’m going to explode I might as well go on my terms. I swallowed back ghost confetti as my eyes wandered over my family's shocked faces. Sweat escaped from my pores making my hospital gown stick to my skin. I just need to speak my truth, that's it. If dad can climb Mount Everest I can speak, if my little sister can fight fire-breathing dragons I can speak. If my mom can save people's lives every day I can speak. If I remember such an amazing family loves me I can speak. I stared into fierce green eyes and spoke “I Like you Rory" four terrifying words came out of my mouth, and I didn’t feel disappointed stares. I felt warm gazes. I felt love, and for once the happiness I felt didn't make my heart feel heavy. I thought if I could say those words I could move with courage I never knew existed within me. I kissed the fiery girl and I exploded, not with terrifying confetti but with undeniable happiness. My heart swelled and took a long-needed exhale, red steam came out my ears and my heart once again swelled but it was warm and weightless and the fairies danced around it instead.

The end