The Gift of Love

I never wanted to let you go,

Or take back what I gifted you in the past.

I leave you my heart in a shabby cardboard box,

Broken and worn,

Torn at the seams,

But neatly wrapped in pristine brown paper

That hid every blemish and scar.

My heart still pumps on its own

Outside of my chest,

Beating with love I will always feel for you.

Please don’t say I can keep it,

I told you it’s yours forever.

The distance between your front door and the curb around the corner where I stood was no more than 30 feet. As I walked, however, it stretched into a desert miles long. My mouth dried as if I had already been walking for days, dehydrated and defeated and ready to lay my head to the ground for good. Why was I here? It hurt to think about your existence away from me, but it hurt more to ignore your existence inside me while a box of your belongings sat in the front of my mind. I swallowed in an attempt to moisten my mouth, stepped foot on the curb, and began my journey to your doorstep.

Our lips touched for the first time in the darkness of your room, dancing for the moon that sat outside your open window. The white linen that once hung still for our privacy was enticed by a soft breeze to dance with us, causing moonlight to shine through and illuminate your skin. Every swipe of your tongue made me sink lower, every touch of your skin made me fall deeper into your love. As you led me to my climax, I looked into your eyes and saw the sky reflecting back at me. That night I stargazed while staring at you.

I reached the porch and raised my hand to your door, but stopped before letting the two meet. My hand stood suspended in space for a few moments before I exhaled a deep sigh and allowed my hand to fall. Stumbling backward off your front step, I placed the box wrapped in brown butcher paper gently on your door mat. I ran my hand along the twine tied into ribbon, and then the handwritten note tucked safely underneath, before finally turning my back to your door and walking away.

I knew you had casted your spell that night, with the full moon shining above us wishing us well. Your voice smooth and soft, whispering words of love into my ears as beautiful incantations. Your fingers dipped into my soul each time you let them linger on the surface of my skin. I freed a soft moan as your lips left a trail of love down my spine. Your last kiss marked my tailbone, and I buried my face in the sheets that smelled like you. Your naked skin on mine warmed my blood like a shot of Trago, and got me drunk just the same. You knew exactly where to touch, what to say, how to love me. I was entranced by you, who became the space between my reality and dream. A constant state of falling and flying then waking up.

I reached the curb and my hand guided my car key shakily, seeking the lock on my old camry. I turned the key and immediately swung the door open, falling into the driver’s seat and bowing my head like I was about to pray. I hit the steering wheel as tears began to fall. I sank lower into my seat and my mind crumbled; maybe you were just a delusion. But no, you couldn’t be. This pain was too real. I felt every piece of it. The heart I left in that brown box was proof. I would rather pass it on to you than choose to carry it with me and feel the heavy burden of love trapped inside it forever.

We wrapped ourselves in thin sheets and each other, and you satisfied my every craving. Your body mesmerized me, your intoxicating kisses poured into me with pleasure, but nothing compared to the magic felt when you held me after. Every hug was filled with your warm love, and being held felt like standing in front of the sun. You held me, and I felt safe. You held me, and I felt like this was exactly where I was always meant to be.

It was excruciating to walk away when all I wanted to do was enter your house like nothing changed, find my spot on your bed next to you and feel warm. I wanted to smell your skin, I wanted to just look at you and never blink, in case the view vanished from me once again. Tears continued to fall as I turned the key in the ignition, put my old camry in drive, and left your place for the first time with an empty chest.