The Four C's

Of course I checked. I checked four times, and I even had my colleague here doublecheck just to make sure.

I'm sorry, your diamond isn't real. It's not even close to what the valuation described.

It's not five carats, I'm afraid. More like three, and the whole thing was sloppily laser cut in such a way to make it look bigger that it should be. Here, take a look at this one. I ordered it in special to show you the difference. This is what an ideal round cut should be, down to the number of facets and the exact angles and the precision of the cutting. Sure, this was done with a good laser and a program, but it doesn't get much finer than this.

Yes, you noticed the color difference? This is also a D color, and yours... isn't. Not even close. Maybe a G or an H, if I'm being generous. Here, let me show you the color chart. These grading box suckers are hideously expensive, but worth it for the ease of process. These are real diamonds, about a half-carat each, set into the frame with their respective grades shown below. I can set a gem into the groove above them, and slide it around till I can judge with a half-grade of certainty where the loose diamond falls. And it's so cloudy that it goes all the way down here. And I'd be generous if it were a nice yellow, or blue, but it's that gray color haze that implies someone took what we call an industrial-grade diamond and faceted it and tried to pawn it off as valuable.

Merchants can talk “chocolate diamonds” and “black diamonds” all they like, but the truth is that colored diamonds aren't really worth anything unless they're naturally colored, and then only if they've got decent clarity on top of that. Even I've been known to take some of my sooty diamonds and send them off to take a spin in the nuclear reactor, and they come back pretty colors. See, this here's a natural yellow, and this is an enhanced one. Very different. And the price is vastly different, too.

The gravel-grade, we just call “bort” and call it a day.

No, I don't think it was switched out. I think you were given a piece of crap, and he got some fly-by-night appraiser type with fancy words and a calligraphic font to make a pretty piece of paper, which is worth nothing.

The gem? Fifty to a hundred bucks, tops. It's likely not synthetic, but even some of the synthetics that are clear and shiny have some inherent value. Like moissanite. But this?

Here- I keep bunches of diamonds I've taken out of settings over the years. Big carat, but see? Chipped, discolored, wonky cutting, bad attempts at a new cut, and failing miserably.

It looks like that's what happened to yours. It's what's called a mixed cut. One design on top, and another on the bottom. Some work, some don't. Like the princess cut – you do the top like a scissor cut, but the bottom like a square cut, and squish what's supposed to be a rectangular shape into a square. Makes for very brittle corners, extremely vulnerable to chipping. I've got bags of those, here, take a look. See what I mean?

They're sparklier because of what facets are meant to do. The older cuts, those are meant to reflect candlelight, back when royal dinners were a thing. Now, though, diamonds are set high for a reason. They pull in light through the facets, center it on the point at the bottom, and shoot it out through the table facet on top. Fluorescents and LEDs and CFLs are so different these days, and the new diamond cuts reflect that.

Sorry. Can't resist a pun here and there.

See how your table face is all stretched out? That makes for bad refraction.

I think you got given a lemon. I think someone was using this bad material to practice, and decided to try selling it instead of throwing it back in the pile to get ground up for polishing wheels.

Yeah, I also call these things “dalmation diamonds.” Under the scope, they're spotty. Here, let me set it up, so you can see. Black speckles throughout. If they were dark red in color, they'd at least be garnet, and be a bit interesting.

Could I fake it? Well, sure, I've been in the biz for decades. There are ways to pretty it up and make crap sellable. Carbon paper under the prongs, giving it a few rough scratches with the wrong cutting wheel to make it look cloudy, switch to a red gold setting which makes them look whiter than they really are. Lots of tricks, but it's really not worth it. I can get expensive, pristine gems, why pull the old bait-and-switch?

Besides, the micro laser engravings on the girdle are supposed to prevent all that, and yours hasn't got any. Which is highly suspicious.

Weeeelll, he could have gotten them switched out, but I suspect he just never got a good diamond in the first place. The prongs don't show any traces of being pried open or replaced, till I opened them.

Let me guess: he made a rather substantial purchase right before he proposed?

Bingo. He wanted the blinged-out car for himself, so he likely got you a much cheaper ring to hide it.

Yeah, happens all the time.

What now?

Well, how petty are you feeling? It's his account tied to your super triple platinum card, isn't it?

Upgrade your ring.

I have this awesome diamond right here, with an official GIA cert and all. I'll take your crappy gem, and charge you the difference, and you get to parade around your sparkly upgrade. When he sees the bill, he'll know he's caught, but can't do a thing about it, can he? Especially if you never take it off. I can set this puppy in there so well it'll never come out. And I'll add some extra prongs to really set it off, but keep it from getting lost.

Heck, do you want a new setting too? I'll toss that and labor in for free. Serves him right for being so cheap.

Here's a real appraisal for the gem, and I'll write up a good one for the ring when it's assembled. This will set him back for quite a chunk of change, and I'm glad you're showing him what a cheapskate he's being. Makes six figures, can afford all the cool toys for himself, but what about you? You've earned this, haven't you?

Right!

What should I do with this? Well, sure, I have a friend who needs some practice, I'll hand it off and he can play. And I'll make sure he doesn't slip it into some cheap setting and sell it to some poor fool with more money than sense. Have a better day out there, yes? Enjoy the rest of your day...

Aaaaaaaand, she's out of the parking lot...

Dude, here's your stupid gem back. That was too close! Now, learn how to do this right, or I won't cut you into the spectacular profit I just made, got it? And change the font on your alleged appraisal papers.