The Five Stages of Damnation — Quinque Gradūs Damnatiōnis

—

I intended to write a literary masterpiece masquerading as a survival horror tale of gore, cheap thrills, and cheaper scares.

Call it The Five Stages of Damnation and set it in an abandoned something or another.

—

For example, the haunted house of a travelling fair that no longer travels.

—

Denial:

Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss, often feeling numb or in disbelief.

—

And down the fiery serpent fell,

cast to the gravel and dirt

by the steel of blade

and bad spirit of valour.

—

Hendrick looked at his conquest.

It would be spared, of course,

as cruelty was not his go-to vice.

A grounded dragon with an extinguished breath

was good enough for him.

—

That’s golden.

—

But should the hero —

correction, anti-hero —

be likable,

or even deciding the fate

of majestic mythics like dragons?

—

Editor:

“It does make sense because if you write it, it is.”

—

Hendrick stood under the dimming glow

of the dying sun

as the dragon walked

rather than trying to face him.

—

As the dragon became more familiar

with permanent contact

with terra firma,

Hendrick noted something different

troubling the beast.

Foul as she was,

he knew how to read the signs.

—

The dragon wandered off —

or seemed to.

—

In its place was a mid-90s travelling fair,

complete with a haunted castle

of broken dreams

or nightmares,

depending on framing and perspective.

—

Alongside bumper cars,

an animatronic fortune teller,

Madame Mystierytique,

hustled the disparate attendees.

—

There was also

a Ferris wheel

and a circus big top.

—

The trapeze artist was a Korean girl,

and the lion tamer was Russian.

—

He was caught up

in the smells

of popcorn

and candyfloss —

or cotton candy.

—

Something was missing.

—

Something tangible had transpired —

or maybe expired

into intangibility.

—

There was a strange inevitability

and creeping dread

as he walked from the bumper cars

to the fortune teller.

Animatronic or human —

adaptations could clear up

the ambiguity.

—

She warned of terrible revelations,

as they all do.

In a thick Eastern European accent,

of course.

—

The haunted mansion

or castle

called out to him.

—

Or what actually happened

was the ghostly crow

on the doorface.

—

Upon entry,

his feet were drenched

in very convincing blood

pooling around them.

—

A cackle came from along the corridor

that resembled a corridor

in his old childhood home.

—

Mutterings and customary screaming

just missed the mark.

—

Before a round little fellow came out

and slammed a clapperboard —

or whatever those things are called —

for markers on recorded rushes.

—

Hendrick,

who is now Malcolm,

has been given a crowbar

by the rotund man

for “defensive cautionary action

and mild threat.”

—

The walk along the corridor

proved to be uneventful

until he reached a store cupboard

and a zombified iteration

of his mother

attacked him.

—

“Names…

names…

names,”

is what “she” repeated.

—

Before I could correct the actress,

I was interrupted

by a man

who resembled

a young Kubrick.

—

After the near attack,

the Ferris wheel called.

—

Trapped on it

he would be

in a short time —

stuck up there

with his mother.

—

As the cold, hard truth

hit him.

—

He couldn’t speak

even if he wanted to,

because he was penned that way.

—

DENIAL LOCKED IN

NEGATIO CONFIRMATA

—

The structure isn’t a problem

and doesn’t have deeper meanings.

—

ANGER STRUCK

IRA EMERSIT

—

Like a pang of pain

in the belly

and reproductive organs (female),

he blames the state of his life

in production

on anyone.

—

Anger:

Frustration and rage

directed at others,

oneself,

or a higher power.

—

BARGAINING BEGAN IN EARNEST

PACTIO INITIATA

—

If only he or I write properly.

—

His logic told him

if he leaned into the fairground

he’d achieve zen

and several higher states

of conscience

he repurposed

and appropriated.

—

Bargaining:

“If only” statements,

trying to negotiate

to reverse the loss.

—

DEPRESSION DEEP DEEP REGRESSION

DESPERATIO PROFUNDA

—

Deep sadness IS THE KEY?

Hopelessness is the only outlet of understanding,

and withdrawal from anything that confronts and comforts

and breaks walls and barriers.

—

SYSTEM OVERLOAD

COLLAPSUS SYSTEMATIS

—

ACCEPTANCE

ACCEPTIO

—

BUT WE DON’T

STATUS: NON ATTAINED

—

Acceptance:

Coming to terms with the loss

and learning to live

with the new reality.

—

Denial

anger

bargain

depression

acceptance

—

negatio

ira

pactio

desperatio

acceptio

—

Pain

dot

anger

dot

depression

dot

acceptance

—

PROCESS LOOP DETECTED

CIRCULUS ITERATUS

—

System breakdown

defectus

—

Denial

negatio

—

Death didn’t happen

mors non evenit

—

Depression —

unkempt hair,

dark humour

—

Acceptance leads to recovery

acceptio ad restitutionem ducit

—

disruption

ruptura

—

anger

ira

—

Why then

cur igitur

—

why them

cur illi

—

I have five dimes

and not all of them are mine.

—

I carry what I find

and what I have been given

along the way.

—

It’s all we do.

—

Collect,

assimilate,

disassociate

a little more

and more

each day.

—

As I flipped

each of the five dimes

in a row,

guessing which side

they were going to go.

—

Heads is a win,

tails is a loss.

—

(Editor: is this where we started?)

—

ACCEPTANCE

In a life

full of wins

and losses.

—

Collected,

earned,

stolen,

found,

discarded.

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Note: Written as an exercise in structure over sentiment.