The Dreaded Sickness

Matilda’s phone rang and she looked around the kitchen and then wandered into the living room wondering where she could have put it this time. It blared until she eventually narrowed down its location to the dining room table, where she found it after rummaging through a pile of papers, mail, and magazines. “Hello?” It was her mom.

“Hey, Mattie!” Her mom greeted.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working from home?” She ridiculed playfully.

“I’m taking a little break. I just wanted to call and let you know that Gram just went to the hospital.” Matilda’s face crumpled with worry. It was that time of year where everyone was getting the cold and flu, but Gram was also prone to bad bouts of bronchitis and nasty pneumonia.

“I’ll come visit right away.” She vowed.

“Oh, have you started your period yet?” Her mom asked curiously, on a tangent.

“Not yet.” Matilda bit her lip. Her and her husband George had been trying for a baby for the last couple of years, with no luck. After each successful cycle she became more and more discouraged.

“It’ll happen eventually.” Her mom soothed. “I’m getting a business call. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Love you, Mattie.”

“Love you too, Mom.” Mattie said, trying to pull herself together. After hanging up, Matilda went back to her kitchen. She stared at the dishes on her counters and in her sink. Her motivation nowhere to be found, she trudged to the living room and plopped into her favorite, comfy chair.

Dishes can wait, she thought as she began to mentally prepare for visiting her gram in the hospital later that evening.

The hospital Gram always went to was over an hour away, and George had to get up early for work, so they couldn’t stay out too late. “Why do I live so far away from family?” She cursed quietly as they loaded into the car.

George was shy and reserved and never said much—even to his beloved Matilda, so he wasn’t much company on the drive. But he could se that she was nervous and more anxious than usual so he spoke. “I’m sure she’ll be okay.” He assured. “Doesn’t she get sick like this at least twice a year?”

“She better be okay.” Matilda said with a grumpy tone. The last few years had been absolutely atrocious. It seemed like she had lost so many loved ones. “I can’t handle another loss.” She warned, not knowing how she could even begin to cope if she lost Gram.

Arriving to visit Gram, she was comforted to see her grampie and gram quietly chatting. Gram brightened when Matilda and George entered the room. “Hey, Mattie!” Gram opened her arms wide to receive Mattie into one of her signature warm hugs. “You didn’t have to come all this way!” She half-heartedly scolded. “George has to be up early!” She regarded George warmly as he gave her an awkward hug. She loved him as much as any of her biological grandchildren.

“I wanted to see you!” Mattie rushed.

“Oh—it’s just pneumonia!” She waved her hand.

“Gram, you’re getting older.” Matilda needlessly scorned. “It’s harder for older people to bounce back, is all I’m saying.”

“I’ll be fine!” She insisted strongly.

When their visit came to an end, Matilda gave Gram another peck on the cheek and a hug. “One for the road.” Matilda did her best to sound light-hearted.

“Thank you for visiting!” Gram gave them a smile. Matilda could see exhaustion in her usually bright eyes. “I’ll be out in no time!” She promised as Matilda gave her love to Grampie as well.

They left and things went about quite normally for a few days. Matilda prayed for her Gram every day—along with a slew of other people from her church that were down with seasonal bugs.

Occasionally, she would call her gram and would talk with her briefly, but Gram would get tired out easily, so then she’d catch up with her grampie. He was not doing well.

“She’s getting worse.” He said quietly over the phone after he’d stepped out of the room to let his wife rest. “They’re going to put her on oxygen to try and get her levels up.” He sounded forlorn.

“Hang in there, Gramps.” She did her best to uplift.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her.” He said honestly. Matilda felt a pang of heartache. She understood how he felt. She felt the same. Gram was one of her favorite people in the world.

“Me neither.” Was all she could manage before saying her good-bye and hanging up.

After a few more days went by, Gram worsened. The doctors had put her on a nasal cannula. She was worn out all the time from lack of oxygen and she slowly began to lose her bubbly cheer. But determined not to throw in the towel early, she turned to the most powerful medicine she had—prayer.

“Gram’s asked everyone to pray for her all at the same time at four today.” Matilda’s mom told her during her habitual lunchbreak phone call.

Matilda didn’t bother with hiding her distress. Her mom tried to distract her. “Have you started yet?” She asked, knowing that her late period caused her much excitement.

“No!” Matilda said, more miserable and annoyed than before. “And I’ve taken two pregnancy tests. Both negative.” Her mom sighed, not sure there was much she could do to cheer up her daughter.

“Well, I love you!” She said finally. When 4 o’clock came, Matilda got on her knees in front of her bed and clasped her hands together as she bowed her head.

“Please, God! Please, please, please, make my Gram Cecilia better!” She begged fervently. “Don’t take her before she can see my baby—and please let me be pregnant I’m doing everything right!” She added.

To Mattie, not being pregnant at the end of each cycle seemed unfair. She had given up her risky lifestyles. She quit drinking and had considerably cut back on smoking. She took prenatal vitamins everyday—and for added measure, she made sure that her house was clean, and George was taken care of so she could hopefully cash in some good-wife brownie points with the Big Man.

After praying, she went about her day, receiving plenty of texts from her friends telling her that her gram was in their prayers. Her one best friend Laura always helped distract her by sharing the odd goings-on of her mind—which were, in short, always good for a laugh of two.

Mattie occupied her days with things like binging her favorite shows and visiting with whichever of her friends would come over. She dreaded George leaving her to go to work; she felt so lonely. When she was alone, it was as if she could feel her grief stretch and pull as if it were taffy being worked. Some days were better than others, and some days were downright terrible.

Her mom called her in the afternoon which was suspicious. “Hey.” Her voice was sullen, as if something was wrong.

“What’s up?” Mattie asked as a sense of unease coiled in her gut.

“They just put Gram on a ventilator. They put her in a coma so she wouldn’t be in so much pain. She’s just not getting better.” Her mom’s voice broke as if she’d been crying. Mattie suddenly regretted not visiting Gram every chance she got.

“Are you okay?” She asked, not forgetting that her mom wasn’t some super human that could transcend human emotion.

“I’m as good as can be expected.” She sighed after a long pause. “But the idea of not being able to see her awake is unsettling.” She admitted. “Grampie is in tatters. It’s almost like I’m losing them both.”

“I’ll call him.” She offered.

“He’s being melodramatic.” She warned. “He’s talking crazy about how he doesn’t want to live without Gram.”

“Well that’s not crazy.” Mattie validated.

“You know what I mean.” She could imagine her mom rolling her eyes.

“After hanging up, Mattie prayed some more, unaware of what was happening at the hospital.

The moment Cecilia had been intubated and plunged into sedation, it was as if she was plucked from her body. She came to rest beside her husband who was holding her motionless hand. He was crying.

She reached for him but since she had no form, she couldn’t console him with touch. “I’m here, Vigo.” She said sadly as she watched him keep vigil next to her still form. When her daughter and son-in-law entered, Vigo wiped at his eyes and sniffled, never one to show his sorrow to others.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, Chrissy.” He hugged her quickly and then he turned back to his wife, as if he didn’t want her to feel abandoned. “Did you tell Mattie?” He asked without looking away from Cecilia.

Cecilia looked her daughter over. Her eyes were red and watery. She longed to be able to hug her. Even now, she hated seeing people so worried about her.

“At least she’s not in pain.” Vigo said as he squeezed her hand. Cecilia couldn’t feel it. She couldn’t feel anything. She watched her family trying to visit, but Vigo was distant, as if he were trying his best to reach the plane that Cecilia found herself on now.

Her family visited several times over the next several days when a new problem arose. Her kidneys were failing. She needed to be put on dialysis. Her organs weren’t getting the oxygen they needed to keep on functioning. She was starting to die.

The visitors that came seemed to bring only sadness and gloom, despite their best efforts to cheer one another. The saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ rang true.

Many times, Cecilia would look over herself in frustration. The many wires and tubes coming in and out of her were daunting. “Oh, get better already!” She yelled to no effect. “I want to hug my family. I want them to know I’m okay.” Her daughter and granddaughter came in.

“I’m gonna try and get something to eat.” Vigo said as he rubbed his face. Cecilia was happy to see him taking care of himself. Chrissy and Matilda sat in the uncomfortable hospital chairs and spoke quietly.

“I’m not pregnant. I started last night.” Mattie pouted. “I really hoped I would be.” She looked over Cecilia’s sleeping body. “I’m gonna be mad if Gram never gets to see my baby.”

Cecilia’s heart broke. “I’m trying, sweet girl.” She said surely.

“It’ll be okay.” Chrissy assured. “I’m sure it’ll all happen like it’s supposed to.” Cecilia was sure of that much, as vague as that sounded. Her health was in God’s hand’s now.

“You know, my friend Beth was talking about maybe Gram will die so she can go to Heaven and hand-pick me the prettiest baby. And then Laura said she’d dreamed the same thing!” Mattie stated. “Isn’t that creepy?”

“I’ll certainly look into it.” Cecilia promised as she sat on the edge of the hospital bed, at the foot of her comatose form. “I hope it doesn’t come to that, though.

However, things were starting to look rather grim. Her digestive system had stopped working. Despite having a feeding tube, she wasn’t getting the nutrients she needed. Her organs were shutting down. The doctors had done all they could do.

It was Wednesday. She was alone with her body when there was a knock at the door that jostled her from her thoughts. An average looking man in his late 30’s / early 40’s poked his head into the quiet room. Probably just another doctor checking in, she speculated.

“Cecilia Joplin?” The man asked.

“That’d be me.” She said smugly as she sat beside her unresponsive body.

“Hello.” He looked right at her. She blinked.

“You can see me?” She was surprised and excited as she stood.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He nodded

“That’s great! And who are you?” She asked almost as an after-thought tacked on to the end of her rejoicing.

“Well,” he drew up a chair next to her body. “Have a seat.” Cecilia sat quickly, with a sudden sense of foreboding. “I’m an angel of the Lord.” Cecilia sat back in her seat, astonished. “You’ll be dead in a couple of hours.” He announced.

“Funny, you don’t look like an angel.” She said weakly.

“I know. It really freaks people out.” He apologized.

“I’d love to see what an angel really looks like.” Cecilia said in a small voice. He watched her carefully.

“Okay.” He then took on a more angel-appropriate form with the white raiment and the wings and shining visage. A tear slipped from her eye and dribbled down her cheek. “You family will come and say their good-byes, and then after you’ve died, I’ll take you to Heaven!”

“Heaven?” The whole experience was shocking. Her mind was having trouble processing everything.

“Yes.” He pulled out a big, shining book from a fold in his cloak and read off her name and a small biography.

“Well yeah, that’s me.” She nodded.

“Well, you’ve been a dutiful Christian. You’re going to Heaven.” He reiterated. Suddenly, she stood as everything came into perspective. She screamed in triumph and the angel smiled. Midway through her rejoicing, she paused and then sat.

“But my family…Vigo—”

“They’ll all understand.” He assuaged. “They’re Christian’s too. They know you’re covered.”

When her family was gathered around saying their good-byes, she could hardly contain her excitement. “I’m gonna miss you all, but I’ll see you again someday!” She promised, but the bereft couldn’t hear her. She went beside Vigo. Tears flowed freely from his eyes. “I’ll see you later, my Love.”

“You ready?” The angel asked her. Cecilia remembered Matilda.

“Is it possible that I could pick out a baby for my granddaughter Matilda?” She tried her luck.

“Hmm.” He considered. “I’ll have to see if it’s in The Plan.” He quick referenced a small, black moleskin journal that had Matilda’s name stamped onto it. “I see a baby here…I suppose I could let you pick out a soul…”

In an instant they were lifted into the air. The hospital, the city, the Earth all whooshed out of sight until they raced past the darkness of space into the eternal brightness of Heaven. Cecilia could no longer see her body, yet she was still able to sense the heavens around her.

“This way,” the angel directed. They floated through puffy clouds until they came to a large angel that had six, multicolored wings and a long, crystal staff that had small, tinkling bells on the end.

“Hello, Sandalphon.” The angel that was with Cecilia bowed in greeting.

“Hello, Samael.” Around Sandalphon floated many gleaming orbs. As Cecilia and Samael approached, the orbs became frenzied. Sandalphone flapped his rainbow wings and the small breeze made the bells on his staff tinkle. “Shh.” He soothed the orbs.

“These are the souls of unborn children.” Sandalphon explained. “Some have grown increasingly distressed because of the rise in abortion.” Cecilia caught a soul gently in her hands. It shimmered and flickered at her touch. “That soul has been aborted several times.” Sandalphon said sadly. “It is very discouraged.”

“Well, I know someone who would never abort.” Cecilia offered. Sandalphone flapped his wings lazily, settling the unborn souls.

“Who?”

“My granddaughter, Matilda.” Cecilia offered. The angel held out his staff and a portal appeared. Cecilia’s heart shattered when she saw Matilda grieving. “That’s her!”

“Okay.” Sandalphon waved his staff and Cecilia opened her hands to reveal the trembling spirit.

“Take a piece of me with you.” She smiled as she released the orb. Sandalphon guided the soul to the portal with his staff.

“There you go little soul.” He said lovingly. They all watched as the orb went through the portal and settle on Matilda.

“It will be so, so loved!” Cecilia promised happily. “You won’t regret it!”

“When the requests come from family, I never do.” He smiled and Cecilia turned back to Samael.

“Where to now?” She asked him, hopeful in her reward for eternity.

“Want to meet God?” He asked offhandedly.

“Would I?!”

Back on Earth, Matilda smiled as she snuggled into George’s arms. “She’s in Heaven. I know it. I’ll only be sad for a little while, but she’ll be happy forever!” Matilda sighed, sure in what she hoped for and certain in what she could not see.