The Discovery of Love

Jane is an uncurable romantic. What does that mean? It means she loves more falling in love and being in love than the actual result of the process.

In the usual way of things, at least in this part of the world, when people fall in love they seek to obtain, collect, manipulate, use. Remove any negative connotation you might have implied here, if you did. In the psychodynamic of the western world relationship, those actions are normal, when done voluntarily, with consent from both parts.

Jane noticed that something was different about her. She had lived her life so far as if everything was already baked and ready to go. And then life unraveled, and situations and people and circumstances started to squeeze her heart. Missing people that you can’t be with. The feeling of social awkwardness. The feeling of longing for something that you don’t even know what it is.

As an attempt to contend with those feelings, Jane decided to run an experiment. “What if I open my heart with no fear?” - she asked herself after a particularly difficult heart break. What could possibly happen if you open your heart to all the suffering and love the world has to offer? What does that even mean? How would that even feel?

Those questions lingered in Jane’s mind, like a silent prayer. After all, all experiments begin with compelling questions.

On a sunny day afternoon, surrounded by green leaves, touched by a soft breeze, under the warm sun, Jane was sitting by the water. Her eyes were closed. All she sees is the rusty red color produced by the sun kissing her closed eyes. All she hears is the unpredictable patterns of sound when water touches the shore. Suddenly, a feeling comes up at the center of her chest. It’s an unusual feeling. Jane feels it in her physical body. It’s like butterflies. But it comes with peace and joy and warmth. It was a good feeling. After a while, her thoughts pulled her back, and it was time to go home. Jane didn’t know that something had happened. But nothing happened in fact.

Curiously, after that day, Jane could invoke that feeling whenever she wanted. She would close her eyes, take a few breaths, and invite the feeling to come. And it would come! She was secretly obsessing about it. And a certain paranoia mingled here and there, because that’s what the mind does naturally.

Jane started to meticulously analyze how she could control and expand the feeling. Then things started to happen. She started to do what she wanted in her heart. If her heart tells her to move, she moves. If her heart tells her to quiet down, she quiets down. People also changed. Everyone was beautiful. Everyone was worth her time and attention. Everyone was worth to fall in love with. Sometimes it felt like her heart would burst with so much love, and that would be the end of the world as we know it. Sometimes it felt like she was on the very edge of a breakthrough transformation. But nothing would really happen.

As Jane continues with her experiment, she aptly notices that as you go out to the world to love everyone, you will find all possibilities of Nature manifesting in all kinds of beings. Those beings are conditioned by their surroundings. And not all surroundings are kind and peaceful. Some are unkind. Some are jealous. Some are wrathful. Some have regret. Some have shame. And to fall in love, all it takes is a look in someone’s eyes. For a brief second, Jane would see and would be seen. Something interesting would happen. The dislike. Jane was set to love everyone, but she certainly didn’t like everyone. Which could be very confusing at times. And as she probed the “dislikeness”, she discovered that she had a part of that “disliked object” in herself too. She was a mirror.

Then the pain would come. The realization of each other’s faults and the absolute requirement for forgiveness. The realization that all imperfection is perfect. Now, that feeling at the center of chest would appear also when she felt sad and disappointed with the world. And mostly, disappointed with herself.

One day, Jane met this guy named Aaron. Aaron was from a different world, and that was obvious from start. But the feeling came like a giant wave and spread from the center of her heart to her whole body. All she could do was to observe, because at this point, she had cultivated the feeling to a point that it grew bigger and more powerful than herself. Now the feeling had its own will. Jane was now a puppet of the heart.

Jane concluded: “The feeling will take form in this world according to the vessel through which it manifests. All form in existence in this universe is a manifestation of the feeling. As forms gain complexity, so does the feeling. A pebble is the feeling. But since there isn’t much for a pebble to do, just being a pebble is the perfect manifestation. As molecules evolved in complexity, and life forms appeared, and as conscious mind came to be, the feeling also evolved in a myriad of ways!”

So, Jane started to realize that the feeling would manifest according to her preferences and likes and dislikes. And the problem was that Jane didn’t like her likes and dislikes. But she couldn’t be other than herself. The feeling was now ubiquitous in her life. It was the driving force behind every action. It was like burning fire.

It happened that, against all odds, Jane and Aaron got together to spend some time. And the sweetness of the feeling was overwhelming. Jane was melting in love. Love brings forgiveness and acceptance. For the beloved, but also for ourselves. And that is freedom.

Jane knew that under the circumstances of conditioning, her and Aaron could not be together. When she saw him from afar, she could see all the roles and games he was so eagerly trying to put up. Like fences. Like wired fences with signs saying, “KEEP AWAY”. But because of the mirror like quality of the feeling, she would not fall for that. She has the same fences, but they grew smaller with time. Perhaps with some flowers growing nearby. But when she saw him closer, she would see kindness, and presence, and the eagerness to be loved and accepted. Just like everyone else.

Aaron eventually decided to walk away. And Jane felt the wrecking pain of the broken heart again. The wrecking pain of missing someone you simply cannot be with. Again. And again. “What’s the point of all this then?” – she asked the sky one day. “Why did you let me fall in love?”

Then the feeling came, strong as never before. Jane smiled, as the tears ran down her cheeks. It was all worth it. To fall in love, without caring about what will happen.