The diary of Etephyr

The world is ruled by change. Mountains, rivers and seas are all passengers of time. Even if they seem eternal in human’s eyes, for the eye of time they’re nothing but dust carried by the wind that disappears in a beat.

Humans are, at the same time, the most common and odd creature in existence. They’re living everywhere, fighting against the world, all of them looking like each other but each of them unique. They come and go, changing with time, they build cities and raise empires. They conquer and destroy, they give life and death to others without leave. They rule over the land without a crown or right.

But, even in humans, there’s things that fight against change and stay the same age after age, year after year, lasting through generations. There’s nothing that defines more what being human means than their duality. Good and evil, love and hate, confidence and fear. All other beings can be defined as good or evil as if it is intrinsically written on their souls. But humans can be both good and bad at the same time. They exist, a living dichotomy, and fight against the world, against each other, and, against themselves.

This is the story of one of them. One that was already forgotten by their own but not by me, she’ll never be forgotten by me. My name is Etephyr. A name you may have heard before but probably forgot. You may have had dreams about me, but those are the kind of dreams your mind strives to forget. I’m the one that death will not meet and fire will not burn. I am above the world and its habitants. I’m the one to which magic and elements are no more than servants. I can make ages change and can move the threads of history as a toy for kids. Born so many years ago that the land was just a sea of lava and the sky was on fire. I saw humans arrive, civilizations raised and destroyed. I am a Dragon.

But this is not my story but hers. Although, for you to understand her story, I must begin telling you about before she was born.

First of all, you must know, as I told you before, all creatures apart from humans have no choice but to be good or evil. I am no exception to such rule. I am a dragon, but not any kind of dragon. I am the source and the bearer of all evilness. Brought to the world to make chaos and to bring death. Because, how can goodness and life exist without me? There’s no choice for me, I can’t change who or what I am. Or at least, I couldn’t do it before.

This story takes place in a small city, surrounded by mountains, a river to the east and a forest to the west giving it natural protection from outsiders. A city where peace was ever present until I decided to destroy every bit of it with my presence. But what choice did I have?

One night, while the city slept, dark clouds hiding the moon and its light, a great fire burned in the forest, a fire so great no trace of trees or of any other living creature was left. A fire that brought fear to confident people and penury to a once prosperous nation. This forced the city to find trade with others like them and for that, a government had to be chosen, decisions had to be made and with that, a pelting flow of foul emotions flooded their minds. Minds that were not ready to fight against temptations and so, the once peaceful and good people, quickly surpassed any wickedness I could have imagined they were capable of.

Some time later, maybe a year or maybe ten. On a weird morning, the sun was shining but it was cold, the wind was still but the world wanted to shake, I felt something. Magic filled the air and its power outshined the sun. My scales were throbbing and my mind was focused. Focused on the white growing oval in front of me. An oval of burning light that started to expand out of nowhere until it was big enough for a person to walk through. And then, it suddenly got filled with a gray mantle of magic. It was just floating there, so thin it looked like a scratch on reality from the side but from the front it looked so dense and deep, and solid at the same time. Like a wall you could walk through. Many years ago, humanity tried to eradicate evil, so many heroes left their families and home to slay me, and all of them perished without even getting close to their goal. So, at that time, I thought maybe a so-called hero would come forth with a sword and a shield, with armor and maybe a horse. I was ready to kill it before I had to listen to their boring speech about bravery and rightfulness when, instead of this, a small human, not even able to walk upright on two legs came out of the magical gate.

I thought about slaying it at first. But changed my mind, not out of goodness or even pity but amusement. I was there, standing over this small creature, weakest among its own. The only door to its home was already closed, a fierce look in my eyes and fangs large enough to impale its little body. But the eyes looking back at me had no fear at all. But the eyes looking back at me had no fear at all. Full of shining expectations and wondering as only one who is new to the world can have.

I could detail to you the many reasons I considered in order to decide on my path but as I told you, this is not my story. So I’ll be brief: I took a human form and raised that baby as one of them. I lived among them and lived like them. I avoided filling this baby’s head with any of my own ideas and did my best for her to be able to have a wide understanding of the world and with time, that who once was a weak and ignorant baby, developed its own philosophies and ideologies. A very physically limited being, as are all humans, amazed me with how far away their minds can reach.

I could detail to you the many reasons I considered in order to decide on my path but as I told you, this is not my story. So I’ll be brief: I took a human form and raised that baby as one of them. I lived among them and lived like them. I avoided filling this baby’s head with any of my own ideas and did my best for her to be able to have a wide understanding of the world and with time, that who once was a weak and ignorant baby, developed its own philosophies and ideologies. A very physically limited being, as are all humans, amazed me with how far away their minds can reach.

I asked her about evil once. Not precisely caring about her opinion of me, but after years of coexisting wicked thoughts seemed to be diminishing in me, a supposedly intrinsically evil creature.

“I don’t think evil exists as anything more than a concept with which we label stuff we don’t like”

“Then taking a cold bath in the morning is considered evil?”

She laughed “well, maybe not anything”. She looked away thoughtfully. “Maybe, it is measured on how our actions affect those around us.”

“It goes beyond intentions,” she continued, “maybe I do something, in good will, and it ends up being bad to someone else, so that is evil.”

“Then how can we be good if we can’t know the future? We could try to, but fail not by fault”

“The world gives us choices that define our free will, as we can’t possibly do anything we think of. But, the choices that we make, are what defines our characters.”

That last phrase got stuck in my mind forever. Could it be possible that I had chosen, long ago, to do evil and with time it became who I was, or am?. Does that mean that I can change who I was completely? But what about the consequences from past decisions.

With time I found a new concept: guilt. I started to regret many things I did. And again, that small mind, now close to the end of her fleeting lifespan, shed light upon my doubts and concerns.

“Guilt is the evidence that you’re a better person than before. It means you have improved, and no longer abide by the choices you made in the past.”

So it was possible for even someone like me to change and be good? It was all a whirl of ideas and different arguments. But then, one day I finally found out what makes people’s life worth it. Why humans, living so little are able to be happier and have a greater understanding of the world than all other creatures. It was not love, as I loved the woman I raised. It was something else.

She looked at me on her bed. Her hair white and her face wrinkled. I held her hand in mine and cried as she would soon be gone forever.

“Don’t cry,” she said softly in her weakness “I won’t be gone as long as you think about me”

I smiled and looked at her, and then, on her last whisper, so low that I could have not heard unless my hearing was way more sensitive than human’s are she whispered:

“Love you, mom”

So I learned. Is not loving or caring. Is not your actions or choices. Is being loved by someone else what gives any value to your life. What makes any pain and suffering worth it or even welcomed. Thousands of years I lived as the greatest among all, and it was not until I met the weakest and loneliest of creatures, I learned the most important lesson of my life.