THE CUSTOMER

I was standing behind two heavily tattooed men in the checkout lane at ALDI. One scruffed up the hair of his son, who sat in a trolley, while his father handed over a $30.00 voucher to the cashier.

I wrote the last sentence that way because it doesn’t matter who the father was; maybe neither of the men knew – but I was pretty sure that they were sure it was the one who scruffed the child’s hair.

Anyways, I had more pressing problems. I had in front of me on the conveyor belt:

1. 2 x cans of black beans – 75 cents each;

2. 1 x carton of vegetable stock – reduced to $1.49; and, separately

3. 1 x loaf of gluten-free bread - $3.99.

I had in my pocket $2.95 in coins, and 4 cents separately in my bank account.

The cashier pointed at the beans and stock – I nodded. He went to add the bread and put my hand up. He nodded and moved it back toward the items the customer behind me had in front of her on the conveyor belt.

The cashier scanned the beans and stock and I handed over my $2.95.

‘You’re five cents short’, he said, ‘this totals two dollars ninety-nine.

He had a big gold signet ring on.

‘Four cents. I’m four cents short then’, I replied and I held up my bank card*.

He looked at the bank card and said ‘don’t worry about it’.

I insisted though, that I wanted to pay the four cents with my card – I had exactly that much on there. He said that they can’t do split transactions between cash and card. What he meant, in my opinion, was that he didn’t want to split a transaction for such a small, and perhaps trivial to him, amount of money.

Ok, I said. He handed me a docket.

I didn’t walk away.

‘Now the bread’, I said, and waved it forward.

He picked up the bread off the conveyor belt.

I pulled out a ten dollar note from my wallet. He scanned the bread through, took my note and gave me six dollars in change.

What about my one cent? I said, ‘the bread was $3.99’.

‘We keep that’

Can you refund it onto my card?

The cashier looked at me behind a mask that covered his mouth and nose while he stood at the cashier’s desk, shielded by big plastic transparent walls. The walls didn’t spider the light from outside, they just trapped it – but, I assume, they did prevent any human contact to his person, and probably kept out germs that weren’t aware of any other way to fly but in direct lines forward.

‘No.’ he said, ‘we cannot refund one cent onto your card’.

I nodded and walked out with my goods.

If he had have refunded me the money to my card, then I would have had a total of five cents in my bank account. The bank teller won’t let you draw out four cents, I’ve tried, in a myriad of different ways.

I also once tried three cents, to see if the bank teller would round up to five. But, it turns out all these people, or the computer programs they’re at a mercy to, only round up when it benefits someone they’ve never met and don’t round anywhere when it benefits you; the customer, standing in front of them.

Afterward, I looked at one of the coins in my pocket and noticed it stamped 2021. Why are they minting coins so early in the year I wondered. It’s only April, and they usually do this at the end of the year.

I didn’t really wonder. It was obvious to me.