The Chicken Who Ran for Mayor

Part I: Trouble at Cluckin’ Pines

The town of Cluckin’ Pines had one gas station, two stop signs, and exactly zero reasons to ever make the news. Until the chicken ran for mayor.

It started, as most ridiculous things do, on a dare.

Eli Jenkins, part-time mechanic and full-time instigator, was sitting on a hay bale outside Rosie’s Feed & Tack when he made history.

“I bet you I can get a chicken on the ballot,” he slurred, half-drunk on cherry moonshine and political apathy.

“I bet you can’t get one to win,” replied Rosie, who regretted everything about her life except the chickens.

Thus began the campaign of Henrietta Cluckington III—an unusually majestic Rhode Island Red with a feathery waddle and the strategic mind of a wet sponge.

Part II: Fowl Play

Turns out, Cluckin’ Pines’ bylaws were older than most of its citizens, and nowhere did it say a candidate had to be human. You just needed 15 signatures and a photo ID.

They got the signatures (some paw prints included), and for the ID, Eli taped a picture of Henrietta next to his expired Costco card.

“Close enough,” said Darlene, the town clerk, who was still recovering from the Great Goat Incident of 2019.

Within 48 hours, #HenriettaForMayor was trending locally. By week’s end, it had hit state news. The chicken had a campaign slogan (“Less Cluckin’, More Doin’!”), custom buttons, and a parade float made of hay bales and sheer determination.

Local kids formed “Cluck Squads,” delivering eggs door to door in support. Henrietta received fan mail, a podcast interview (she said nothing, of course), and even a documentary offer from a local college student named Braxton, who promised to edit in subtitles.

Part III: Debates and Debacles

The current mayor, Gerald Pickens, didn’t take it well.

“You’re mocking democracy!” he shouted during the live debate on Channel 6.

Henrietta, perched on a podium with a tiny mic taped to her beak, pecked a button that clucked on command. She said exactly nothing, which was a major improvement over Pickens’ last term.

She won the debate by a landslide.

“She doesn’t interrupt,” said Debra from the bakery.

“She hasn’t raised taxes,” added Craig the barber.

“She laid an egg right onstage!” squealed a delighted child.

That egg was later displayed in the town hall lobby in a glass case labeled “Public Statement.”

Part IV: Pecking Order

A week before the election, the campaign reached fever pitch. Henrietta had yard signs, TikTok dances, and even a ballad written by the high school jazz band titled “Cluck Yeah.”

The town diner offered a Henrietta breakfast special: scrambled eggs with a free pin. Irony was optional.

She also received her first scandal.

An anonymous tip (believed to be Mayor Pickens in a disguise made from duct tape and sorrow) accused Henrietta of stealing corn from public land.

In response, Henrietta's team released a press statement: “Our client only pecks what is freely available. She believes in shared resources and equitable seed distribution.”

Her poll numbers surged.

Part V: The Great Debate Egg-xit

Two days before the election, Gerald Pickens challenged Henrietta to a final debate—this time with a live studio audience.

Mid-debate, Henrietta flew off her perch, landed on Pickens’ head, and did what chickens do best.

“It was symbolic,” said a local poet.

“She laid justice right on his toupee,” added Rosie, beaming.

Pickens stormed offstage, yelling something about “feathered anarchists.”

The footage went viral. Overnight, Henrietta was featured on every major news outlet, and Jimmy Fallon wore a “Henrietta 2025” shirt.

A remix of the debate was set to trap music and played at local prom.

Part VI: Election Day

Turnout was record-breaking. People drove in from neighboring towns just to see if the chicken could actually win.

She did.

By 62% of the vote.

Henrietta Cluckington III became the first non-human elected mayor in the state. Maybe the country. Possibly the galaxy.

Her acceptance speech was three seconds of clucking and one poop on the podium. The people wept.

The national Chicken Council sent a letter of congratulations. Elon Musk tweeted a poll: “Should Tesla offer a chicken mayor mode?” (The poll results were 78% yes.)