The Cake Thief

Claudia watches as Betty arrives in her little red Yaris and parks the dingy thing beside her shiny new Mercedes. They’ve been meeting at the park for a long walk every Saturday for the past three weeks since the second state-wide lockdown began. They usually start with a bit of chatter about the number of locally acquired cases in NSW that day. When they get over hill, Claudia realises Betty didn’t bring her fluffy Pomeranian Duke who would usually be running in front of them.

“Duke was acting a bit strange this morning. He looked a bit sad and just wanted to lie down in his bed,” says Betty. “How’s Jinx?”

Jinx is a majestic British shorthair and Claudia thinks there is the soul of a human trapped inside her cat. “Jinx has to be the smartest cat on Earth,” she gushes, “she’s been the best sidekick in my mission to find the cake thief.”

“Oh no!” says Betty, in shock. “Who’s been stealing your cake?”

Before lockdown, Claudia and Betty’s Friday ritual was meeting at Martha’s Bakery at 10:30am on the dot for morning tea. Claudia loves the country feel of the place, warm and woody with the sweet scent of apple pie wafting through the store. They sat at the same table every week where they got a clear view of all the delectable treats on display. No other bakery has such a variety of colour and flavours filling their glass cabinets, a sight for the eyes and a joy for the stomach. Martha is a delightful woman, the kind you’d love as a mother-in-law, always nurturing and complimentary. Not to mention, she is the woman with the best kept secret recipes.

Claudia remembers vividly her first bite of Martha’s triple chocolate mousse cake, the way the softness landed on her tongue and all three layers of chocolate entangled and entwined in a rhythmic dance along her palate. Little explosions of cocoa and butter melting in her mouth, the perfect combination of sweetness and richness that sent tremors through her body. She has never tasted anything so decadent and divine that it made her release a reverberating mmm. Every week, Claudia recreated this experience as part of her ‘feel good’ routine. “Treat yourself,” she would say, so she would order a slice of triple chocolate mousse cake and an almond latte every Friday.

Betty would always order a peppermint tea and nothing else, all she ever talked about was saving money to send home to her mum in Panama. “In my country…” Betty would always say before she goes into some long-winded story about Panama. Claudia found this awfully annoying, and even more infuriating when Betty cleaned up her leftover bits of cake without paying a single cent. Martha’s generous American-sized servings meant that she could never finish an entire slice, but she is never rude enough to say no when Betty asked for the leftovers. Sometimes Claudia likened her to an Ibis, those bin chickens, but she’d never dare say it out loud.

Since lockdown started, Claudia had been ordering the cake to her home every Friday at 10:30am on the dot. The last thing she wanted was for Martha to go out of business, which would be a tragedy for them both. She narrowed it down to supporting local business. The very first week of lockdown, the cake came to the door of her apartment complex as her app so aptly notified her. She’d never been so happy to see that brown paper bag. Inside was a precious handwritten note: Claudia, thank you for your continuous support. Enjoy your cake, with a complimentary almond latte. Martha xo. Claudia made herself comfortable in the lounge room, sitting on her velvet couch next to Jinx, and watched an episode of Bridgerton while devouring her cake. To Claudia, this was even better than being at the bakery, she could enjoy her cake without Betty’s constant chatter and saved her leftovers for later.

“It started last week,” Claudia tells Betty. “You know I told you on our first walk that I’ve been ordering my usual from Martha’s every Friday morning? I was busy hanging my laundry when the driver arrived, so I went down a few minutes later and I couldn’t find the bag. I contacted the driver straight away and he sent me a picture of where he left the delivery, but it wasn’t even there, so I wrote him a bad review. No tip for Amit!”

“That’s a bit mean, don’t you think?” asks Betty.

“Well, I thought who else could’ve taken it? But it worked out in my favour because Martha sent another cake right away with a complimentary almond latte, and I was even sent a refund from the delivery company,” Claudia gloats, then her grin quickly dissipates. “But something happened yesterday that made me realise, maybe it wasn’t Amit…”

Claudia tells Betty that was in the bathroom this time when she received her notification. She held Jinx in her arms and brought her downstairs. To her outrage, there was no brown paper bag when she arrived at the door, again! This is when Claudia realised it may have been one of her idiot neighbours. She didn’t report to the app this time because she didn’t want to put Martha out of business by making her send another cake. She also didn’t want to get another delivery driver in trouble. No, this time she and Jinx would find out who was really behind the cake theft.

Claudia trod carefully up the stairs, eyeing each of the three other doors of her apartment complex. Who could it be? she whispered to Jinx. That was the moment the door to apartment 1 creaked open, the beautiful young married couple. Steve walked out of the door with a large pink bag of rubbish, looking all fit in his tight white t-shirt. A little boy, no older than three, with gold wispy hair poked his head out behind Steve’s long legs. Steve told him to say ‘hello’ and the little boy grinned, exposing a mouth covered in chocolate. Claudia’s eyes widened and Jinx growled, leaping out of her hands and crawled towards the boy. Jinx sniffed him, stopped for a moment to purr, and pounced straight into apartment 1.

Claudia feigned an apology on behalf of her clever cat and Steve stepped aside to let her in. His wife Yvonne managed to catch Jinx in the kitchen. Yvonne looked like a Stepford wife in her baby blue apron and vintage curled blonde hair. Claudia scanned the apartment, all pristine and clean for having a toddler. How on Earth does this woman do that? Uh huh! There was a plate smeared in chocolate in the kitchen sink. Claudia’s face scrunched up as she was ready to call out the cake thief, but she stopped at the sight of a freshly baked chocolate cake on the counter. Yvonne handed Jinx back to Claudia and asked if she would like some cake. It’s little Tommy’s favourite, she said. Claudia accepted, because it would be rude not to, and then she went back to her apartment. Claudia felt a bit guilty for suspecting the lovely couple. How kind of Yvonne to offer her cake! It was scrumptious, but it was no match for Martha. It was now down to apartment 2 or 3.

The women have now walked 6000 steps and Betty is gobsmacked by the story, oohing and ahhing at every twist and turn. “So that’s it?” Betty asks.

“Of course not! I had to get down to the bottom of it…” she continues. That Friday afternoon, Claudia lounged and contemplated which of her neighbours may have performed the treachery. Then she heard a parade of footsteps enter the corridor. She looked out of her little peep hole to see who was there. Three suspicious looking men entered apartment 3. “I always thought the guy from apartment 3 looked a bit seedy, in his scruffy beard and beanie. And to find him breaking the no visitation rules, I wouldn’t put it past him to be the guy who stole my cake. So I reported him.”

“Are you serious, you reported him because you thought he stole your cake?” Betty says, rolling her eyes.

“No, because he broke the law! And if he did steal my cake, he very well deserves it!”

“And so what happened?”

“I overheard the police giving them fines and telling the men to leave the premises. When the men all left, the police were standing in the corridor chatting, so I went outside to ask them what happened and they told me to mind my own business, so I went back inside.” Claudia huffs.

“Wow, you’re next level Claudia,” says Betty.

Claudia knew Betty was being judgemental. She always got the impression that Betty may even be a bit jealous of her, but they both don’t have many other friends. “Oh well, I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Claudia leaves out the part of the story where she actually asked the policeman if he’d seen any brown paper bags or a chocolate cake in apartment 3, as she suspected her neighbour of stealing her food deliveries. She didn’t want Betty to think she was a nutter, doing such a brazen thing. The policeman gave her an odd look and asked her to check the building’s security cameras before she goes on making any. accusations. She hadn’t thought of that.

“Don’t you have another neighbour in your building?” Betty inquires. “What if it was them?”

“Oh yes, apartment 2. They also get a lot of deliveries, so I thought maybe they accidentally picked mine up. I knew the couple were some sort of social media influencers because they’re always filming those cheesy TikTok dances out in the courtyard, so I found them online.”

“How did you do that?”

“Easy peasy! Their handle is @JakeandAlyssa. I made an account for Jinx and found them using geotag locations. I didn’t use my account because then they’d know I’m stalking.”

“You’re the new Veronica Mars!”

“Yep, and that’s how I know it can’t be them.”

“Why?”

Claudia screws her face. “They’re vegan.”

Betty laughs. “So, who do you think it is then?”

“I still think it’s the guy from apartment 3. Something suspicious about him.”

“Will you take back the bad review you wrote for that driver?”

Claudia takes a deep sigh, “Probably not. I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

The women have now reached 10000 steps and have arrived back at their cars. They maintain their social distancing, no hugs, just a wave goodbye. As Claudia starts her engine, she receives a message from her landlord. He says he’ll send the security footage over on Monday and she is relieved to know she will finally discover the perpetrator.

***

The whole drive home, Betty scoffs as she thinks about Claudia. That poor driver Amit! Betty always thought Claudia was an entitled and privileged Australian, but this behaviour is simply over the top. Claudia deserves to have her cake stolen! Back at her granny flat, Betty expected a cheerful reception from Duke, but she is surprised to see him still snuggled in his bed. She walks over to give him a rub when she notices a brown stain on his tiny nose. Duke lets out a soft whimper and starts vomiting in his bed. Betty jumps up and looks over at her coffee table. She’d forgotten to put her plate away from the night before and it dawns on her what Duke had done. She types into Google: Is chocolate cake bad for dogs?