The Bull and Balenciaga Man

My fists clench in attempt to stop my shaky hands becoming too noticeable. As the anger inside me progressively builds, my will power to not grab this self-absorbed man by his diamond encrusted Balenciaga chain diminishes. I can’t believe I’m on a date with this shallow man.

“...You wouldn’t understand the struggle. What do you drive a Prius?” he scoffs, continuing how he made the decision on which car to take to our first date. “…I decided on taking the Tesla today. Every time I take out the Lambo I’m always stopped for pictures. I just don’t want to be seen with you, no offense” he shrugs. “I mean I am an influencer on the side”, he adds throwing a wink at me.

I dig my sharply pointed acrylic nails into my sweaty palms, but I knew the pain wasn’t enough of a distraction to keep me from turning into my destructive alter ego.

“You’re lucky to have me give you a glimpse of my lavish lifestyle. You’ll never reach the luxurious level I live. I can tell you just don’t have the quick-witted mind like me, the mind of a boss”, he said, unaware of my body visibly shaking now. “That’s why you’ll always work under someone”.

I take a deep breath in. Just keep it together, don’t cause a scene. The growing animosity I felt toward this man becoming unbearable. I knew it would be minutes before I would fully transition. My breathe comes out shaky.

“Uh, are you good?” he asks, noticing my shallow breathing and trembling body. “You look a little off.

“I’m fine” I whisper out.

“Is this some meditation thing? Ugh, sometimes I can’t stand spiritual adolescents like yourself” he gives a condescending smirk. “Girls like you are always so slow, stupid, and..”

The ringing in my ears cuts off the rest of his rant. My vision narrows onto this pudgy mid 30s man, tinkering with his 24k chains. My entire body begins to tingle. It’s happening. NO NO NO.

Like tunnel vision, his surrounding become blur and he becomes my sole focus. His face creeps to a ghost white complexion and silence fills the air. That’s when I see my reflection in his black Louis Vuitton glasses. My horns growing taller and taller, my nose transforming to a long snout and black coarse like hairs sprouting all over my face. It will be only minutes until I’m in full bull form.

“RUN NOW!”, I belt out between grunts.

At first paralyzed, I give him a nudge my nose and he bolts out the back of the restaurant toward the parking. I try to grip my chair to keep from chasing after him, but my hands are hooves now and I slip to down to the floor on all fours.

“AHHH!!!” Screams come from all around the restaurant as my bulky four-legged bull body becomes apparent to the other fellow dinners. I could feel my hooves scrape the hard wood floors as I rush to the exit after the ‘Balenciaga Man’.

Outside, my eyes scan the parking lot until they deadlock on the red Tesla. Very poor choice in car color today. The car tail whips out of the entrance of the parking lot in an attempt avoid elderly couple walking to their car. I notice one of his tires went of the spikes to the parking lot entrance. Luck is on my side today. The tesla wobbly continues on the street, swerving into a neighborhood.

My legs go full speed with my mind on one track: Get the red Tesla. Get the red Tesla. Get the red Tesla. Within minutes I am is merely inches from the rear of the car. My head lowers, and my hefty horns swing upward to get underneath the car. In two attempts I’m able to pick up the back of the car, simultaneously pushing my hind legs to the ground to bring the car to a screeching halt. YES.

I quickly unhook my horns from underneath the car and pop his back tires with the point of my horns. The air gusts out of the tire, gently cooling me down. I let a breath out in relief.

I walk toward the passenger side to throw my horns against the front tire. As I pass the hood of the car, my hind legs being to tingle and seconds later my toes wiggle. I could feel my body slowly transition back to my human self. I stand up, my 5’2” height just barely the same the same as the car. I look down to find my hooves are replaced by my human hands.

I reach the driver’s side, with my body almost fully back to normal. As I push my brown curly hair out my face and into a pony tail, I feel my horns are the last of to linger. I use them to pry the door open.

I use one hand to yank the man’s Balenciaga chain with my hands to pull his terrified face up to mine. The other hand tears his glasses off to fix his eyes to mine before whispering, “How’s that for slow and stupid?”