The Best Month

The shopping centre aisles twinkled with tinsel, fairy lights, and all things Christmas. It had been this way for months already, and it was barely November. Young, curious hands reached out to touch everything in sight.

‘Aurelia, you’re old enough to know better than to touch things,’ Lola snapped.

‘Sorry, Mum! I just get so excited,’ Aurelia replied as she reached out to touch a stuffed koala wearing a Santa hat. Then she thought better of it and tucked her hands in her pockets. ‘December is the best month. My birthday first, then I graduate from primary school, then it’s school holidays, and we can go to the beach and the park and all the fun summer things. Then it’s Christmas. It really is the best month, don’t you think?’

Lola was unsure if Aurelia ever took a breath between sentences. While her daughter continued talking, Lola thought about how much she didn’t like December. As she smiled and nodded externally, her mind was a swarm of numbers and questions. Would they have enough fuel for trips to the beach? How much would a graduation dress cost? Plus, there were presents, decorations, special foods, and everything related to Santa. Surely this ten-year-old didn’t actually still believe.

‘Speaking of Christmas, sweetheart, do you think we could talk about presents for this year…’ Before she could finish, Aurelia had grabbed her hand and was dragging her through the rows of overpriced ornaments and the lines of yard decorations that started to sing as they walked past. Aurelia began pointing out what she wanted to ask Santa for, what she hoped her mum would get her, and what Nanna could buy. The items she pointed to seemed far more expensive and of lower quality than anything from the previous year.

‘Honey, I don’t know if Santa will make it this year,’ Lola said gently. Aurelia’s wide eyes fell, and her bottom lip quivered. Lola hated making her daughter sad, but there was simply no way they could afford everything she was pointing at.

‘Oh, okay,’ Aurelia said after a moment of contemplation. ‘Then that one from you and that one from Nanna, please.’ They continued shopping without mentioning it again. That night, Lola tried to broach the topic once more, but Aurelia dozed off on the couch before they could talk. As she helped her daughter to bed, Lola couldn’t shake the thought that her ribs seemed a little more pronounced.

‘Aurelia has been eating normally, hasn’t she?’ Lola asked her husband, Jack, as she returned from the lounge. He glanced up from his phone and shrugged. Did her daughter have anorexia, and she hadn’t even noticed? She was only ten. That was way too early. Lola searched online for answers and came across some horror stories about young girls, even younger than Aurelia, with eating disorders. She barely slept that night, and at breakfast the next morning, she watched closely to ensure her daughter ate every bite of what she had prepared. She even packed some extra snacks in her lunchbox, even though it was stretching their budget.

Later, she received a call from the school asking to see her when she came to pick Aurelia up that afternoon. When she arrived, she was taken to the school office while Aurelia was in another room with a teacher.

‘Is everything okay at home?’ the principal asked, his fingers steepled in front of him. Lola’s mouth gaped open; she didn’t know what to say or what the questions even meant.

‘I swear I feed her! She is just so thin,’ Lola responded defensively.

‘We have some other concerns,’ the principal added. So many thoughts raced through her mind. Maybe it wasn’t anorexia; what if it was bulimia? That would make more sense—Aurelia was eating fine but still thin.

‘I think she has an eating disorder,” Lola blurted out.

‘That would make a bit more sense. One of the teachers noticed a lot of bruising on her back and stomach when she was playing on the monkey bars today.’

‘Are you accusing me of child abuse?’ Lola asked, shocked. After calming down, they both agreed the best course of action would be to see a local doctor and get her into a psychologist.

A week later, Lola and Jack sat by their daughter's bedside, wishing it had been an eating disorder.

‘Leukemia,’ Lola muttered repeatedly.

‘Cancer is for old people,’ Jack whispered. In the following weeks, Lola began to wish Aurelia would return to the weight she previously thought was too thin. The doctors were trying various treatments, but nothing seemed to improve her condition. They decided on a round of chemotherapy, and Aurelia’s beautiful golden curls began to fall out. December was approaching, and they were in negotiations to get their daughter home. They were at least hoping she could wake up for her eleventh birthday in her own bed. It was a tough week, and the doctors weren't sure she would even make it to that birthday, let alone be home for it. However, as many kids do, she surprised them all by coming through the week and being well enough to go home. She wasn’t cured, and by no means was she out of the woods, but there was more hope than there had been previously.

On the morning of her eleventh birthday, the table was filled with so many gifts. Family, friends, and even strangers had contributed to make this day special for Aurellia. With Lola unable to work and Jack having to take time off, their financial situation had become difficult. However, they managed to put that aside, and thanks to the kindness of others, they were able to give their daughter the most wonderful birthday she had ever experienced. That night at dinner, Nanna emerged from the room she had retreated to, grinning from ear to ear while holding a beautiful dress. Aurellia squealed, jumped out of her chair, and ran over to hug her Nanna.

‘I am going to be the prettiest girl at graduation!’ she exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around Nanna.

‘I made it just for you, so it will be a perfect fit, and there will be no one else with anything like it,’ Nanna replied. While they were cleaning up Lola put her arms around her mother.

‘Thank you so much for making that dress, I had no idea how I was going to be able to afford something for her.’

‘I couldn’t let my granddaughter graduate without the finest dress.’

A week later, on graduation night, Aurellia came down the stairs in her new dress. She had a new pixie cut, as recommended by the doctors, which meant that as her hair started to fall out, it wouldn’t matt together as much. Lola couldn’t hold back the tears; her little girl had grown up so much.

‘Mom, stop it!’ Aurellia laughed. Jack put his arms around his wife, and they both smiled.

‘You look amazing, sweetheart,’ Jack said. They all went together to the graduation ceremony and reluctantly let Aurellia go to the dance afterward. Both parents were nervous, and it took a big push from Jack to convince Lola not to sit in the parking lot for the next three hours. Just as they walked through the door, Lola's phone began to ring. She answered, and her face went pale.

‘Jack… hospital,’ was all she managed to whisper before hanging up. They raced back to the car and were sitting by Aurellia’s bedside as soon as they could. Lola held Aurellia’s hand and refused to leave her side. Jack took time off work, and they began taking shifts to sit beside her. No matter what the doctors did, nothing seemed to help their daughter get any better. After a week of taking turns, the doctors informed them that Aurellia’s chance of survival was decreasing each day. Unfortunately, she never returned home.

Although it felt like their world had stopped and life outside their little bubble had ceased to exist, time continued to move forward. Christmas came and went without any exchanging of gifts. Lola’s parents spent a lot of time with them, helping with housework and trying to prepare them for their new normal. It was around mid-January when Lola’s mom suggested taking down the Christmas decorations. The unopened gifts were distributed, and the small pile with Aurellia's name on it was moved to a bookcase to be donated to the hospital. As Lola picked up one of the gifts, a small envelope that had been stuck to it floated down to the ground. She picked it up and gasped when she recognized the handwriting. Jack looked over her shoulder and put his arms around her waist as he saw the word ‘Santa’ written on the envelope.

‘Dear Santa,

I know I told you at the shops that I really wanted that new doll playset. I also know I’m supposed to not believe in you anymore. I just wanted to say I don’t want any toys; I only have one thing that I would like you to bring on Christmas Eve, and that is mum and dad’s laughter. They have been so sad lately.

Thank you.

Love, Aurellia.

P.S. I will always believe.’

A heavy silence hung in the air for a long time. Lola began to sob. She had been so quiet and numb over the past few weeks that Jack had been worried she might not even be processing what had happened. She read the letter several more times.

‘We should go to the beach,’ she announced. Her mother and husband's shocked expressions stared back at her, unsure of what to say. ‘It’s all she wanted to do this summer.’ So, they did. Lola mostly sat on the sand, watching the world go by around her. Jack was concerned that seeing other families would be more harmful than helpful for his wife.

‘She always did love the summer,’ Lola mused.

‘We will have to enjoy them all for her,’ Jack replied.

‘She would love us to do that,’ Lola said as she reached out to take her husband’s hand.