The Art of Caregiving

Step 1: Patience is a Virtue

• Your loved one may be in a bad mood, driven by frustration, pain, or depression at being in their current state. This is normal, and expected.
• As their caregiver, it is up to you to boost their morale, which can be done with positive affirmations and/or physical gestures of love; e.g. hand holding, back rubbing, showering with praise.
• Note: keep in mind that too much praise can be detrimental. The path to healing has no participation awards, and there are times when a firm yet gentle hand is needed. These occasions may coincide with doling out medication, feeding, and attempts to foster independence.
• If you have the luxury of being in a hospital/institutional setting, extending patience to the facility's staff is a must. They cannot be everywhere at once, and there are other patients on their rotation besides your loved one. In rare cases where staff members seem especially inattentive, it is considered polite to refrain from wringing necks and spouting verbal abuse. The general rule of thumb is the kinder you treat the staff, the friendlier and more helpful they will be to your loved one in return. This is harder to achieve for many people in a caregiver role, but over time the self-inflicted wounds from chewing one's own tongue to hamburger will heal given sufficient time.
• Your patience and nerve will be tested at all times. It is of vital import that you remain calm, supportive, and flexible, so that you can cater to whatever needs your loved one may have. Additional restraint may be required if your patience is repeatedly taxed, and not met with the appreciation you feel is deserved. Overall, however, the bulk of your patience will usually be rewarded.

Step Two: Love is Pain

• Depending on how severe your loved one's condition is, you must be prepared to handle whatever physical challenges may arise. Bending, stretching, lifting, standing for long periods, and a drastically shortened sleep schedule are almost always guaranteed while being an effective and attentive caregiver.
• Sore muscles and aching backs are both guaranteed outcomes, but try your best to work safely and efficiently. Use a helper and/or proper equipment if your loved one needs assistance getting in and out of bed or chairs, or to and from the restroom, to ensure that you do not strain yourself needlessly. It's all fun and games until you accidentally wind up injuring yourself, increasing the likelihood of acquiring a caregiver of your own in the not-so-distant future.
• Over the counter pain relievers such as Tylenol, Aspirin, or Advil can soothe aches and pains if you feel it is needed. An effective caregiver shouldn't rely on such substances, however. Not just because of their potentially addictive qualities, but because the more pain you feel is equivalent to the love, strength, and care you have shown. You don't want to appear weak or heartless, do you?
• I thought not. Suck it up, Buttercup; your loved one needs you to be strong.

Step Three: Cleanliness is Next to Godliness... For Them

• While caring for your loved one, proper hygiene is second to none. To ensure they are experiencing optimal comfort, do absolutely everything you can to make them feel as clean as possible on a regular basis. Feeling clean is an important step in keeping your loved one healthy and happy.
• Do not under any circumstances let them see you squirm, wince, or retch while helping them stay clean. Your comfort is secondary when it comes to theirs, after all. This is especially important if they require assistance cleaning up after using the restroom or with bathing.
• They've seen you naked since the day you were born, after all, and cleaned all your personal areas more times than they can count. It's only fair to offer a (hopefully gloved) hand if they need it.
• Proper hand hygiene is also highly important. Be sure to wash and sanitize your hands multiple times a day, especially after feedings, cleaning your loved one, and using the restroom (if you have time. Please refer to Step Four for more details on this.). The most effective hand soaps are unscented, anti-bacterial varieties, and it's best to find hand sanitizers with an alcohol content of 90% or higher. Using these in combination is the optimal way to kill as many germs as possible.
• Please note these particular soaps and sanitizers can be very hard on your skin, often resulting in excessive dryness, discomfort, and an overall unpleasant, rough texture.
• What are you, a baby? A little dry skin isn't going to kill you. So what if your palms crack and peel, and your fingers feel like sandpaper? Your loved one's safety and comfort matters more.

Step Four: Personal Time

• While acting as a caregiver, you may seek to carve out a sliver of time for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. At any given moment, something surely needs doing. For example the laundry, dishes, answering emails, grocery shopping, and/or basic household cleaning.
• It's best to accomplish these things during periods of "down time", such as when your loved one is napping or watching their favorite daytime television show. Try not to devote too much time to yourself while they're awake, though. Social engagement is a huge aspect of caregiving, even if you have seen that episode of "Chopped" a hundred times. That, and your loved one may need assistance at any given moment, so it's best to stay within earshot at least.
• In rare moments of insanity, you may think it possible to do other things during this time not related to housekeeping or earning a living wage. Tasks such as eating, sleeping, running to the restroom, or taking a shower. Such actions are generally approved of, but do not devote too much time to any of the above. As previously stated, your loved one could need care and attention at the drop of a hat.
• Taking any more time than is required to complete any of the tasks on this list is unnecessary, as is wasting your valuable time and energy on frivolous activities like playing games or reading. Who needs any of those things anyway, when you have a loved one to care for?
• Don't be so selfish and lazy.

Final Notes/Helpful Hints:

• Being a caregiver, especially around the clock, is as rewarding as it is exhausting, frustrating, and physically/emotionally demanding.
• It will try to break you, and it will often not be pleasant for either you or your loved one. They will be embarrassed, demoralized, even dehumanized. The things you may have to do will be messy, and painful, and gag-inducingly gross.
• No matter what. You. Must. Not. Break.
• Your loved one is counting on you to be strong, and compassionate, and positive, because their mood is directly influenced by yours.
• You must be kind. Even if it hurts. Even if your loved one is being a baby. Even if you're exhausted, and you honestly don't think they deserve it. Especially if you don't think they deserve it.
• Why?
• Because you know in your soul they would do exactly the same for you in a heartbeat if they were able to.