The Aliens That Laugh at Us

How often do you think your workplace or living situation would make for a good comedy or drama? Well let me tell you about the Reticula Alliance. The Reticula Alliance is an alliance of billions of star systems throughout the universe. Some are billions of years more advance than Earth while others are only a few hundred. They share culture, history, language, science, entertainment and much more between each other. They do find human entertainment interesting but their studies of the billions upon billions of worlds they have studied have shown no planet that has not united as a whole after a century pass their industrial revolution ever colonizing outside their star system and very few make if a thousand years after the Industrial Revolution or at least they knock themselves back centuries through climate change, social upheaval and war. They give humans a 0.00012% chance of ever making it out of their system.

Perhaps the worst things the Reticula Alliance finds about humans is the self-centeredness and absolute disregard for their fellow humans as well as think the world revolves around them. Any innocent action a person does another person could blow up into violence thinking it is directed at them. This happens a lot while driving. This does not mean they have concern about humans but view humans as a source of entertainment. They watch and laugh when they see a human decide to block the way into a gas station and then flip off the person who is simply trying to pull in just to be nasty. They shake their heads and laugh as humans blast fireworks or make a lot of noises at night when others have to sleep. They even think Jurassic Park is how science works.

One of the funniest things they witnessed since they enjoy watching human religions is a preacher giving a sermon on how to conduct themselves like a man. He mentioned how during the song, "I once was lost," he had his fist tights as he was stomping and after the sermon another person asked him what was wrong. His reply and it made them bust a gut was, "to tell you the truth I did not want anyone to think I was queer." Now here is part of the conversation two members of the Reticula Alliance had and we will call them Joe and Bob since their real names is impossible to spell with our letters and please note this was just their parody of the situation.

Joe - "I think that guy in the back might be gay."

Bob - "Who, the one in the yellow tie?"

Joe - "No, the one next to him in the green tie."

Bob - "He can't be gay he is making fists, while swing his arms and stomping the floor."

The laughter that erupted was great and they continued that the preacher must not realize that being gay does not change how a man behaves in many cases.

They also liked to make fun of the fact that humans would make fun of each other then claim their were kidding as if that makes it better. The way kids bully each other both disgusted and delighted them. They watched a middle school have something called square dancing during gym class and all the girls got upset because of one boy they did not like. He was quiet and never bothered anyone. They realized by examining people for centuries that humans tend to think kindness and compassion is weakness while being cruel and acting tough is a sigh of strength when it is the latter that is destroying their world.

Humans also have a bad knack at ignoring the atrocities committed by nonwhites such as the Arabs conquering North Africa and parts of Europe as well as the atrocities the Turks and Japanese committed through the centuries. Let's not forget the Mongolians and many other cultures. Of course you get people on the other side who want to knowledge of slavery and other human atrocities being taught. Humans, the Reticula Alliance realized may never figure out that they must teach slavery as it occurred throughout the world as well as the carnage committed by every culture including Native Americans such as the Comanche and Aztecs. The way humans liked to turn a blind eye to parts of their history and overemphasize others was both weird and funny to these advanced beings.

Perhaps one of the things they find hilarious about humans is the fact that humans with no knowledge of science think they know more about science than scientists. They often ask, if they know so much why don't the prove their point by having it their research published in one of the many human peer-review journals and get one of the Nobel Prize, or have the people they listen to try for one. Their findings would bring in a lot of money to the scientific community and more research. Those people do not even know the difference between weather and climate but think they can criticize Climate Change. These same humans think Covid is part of some grand conspiracy and the vaccines are dangerous as well as some great reset to control human population. After laughing at this dumb idea the Reticula Alliance reasoned among themselves that this episode actually could be used for population control. A better way that those humans did not think of is for a plaque to rise that can be contained with wearing a mask and vaccines but tell people that both don't work so the uneducated and easily misled die off and take many innocent people with them. That would work better. They do not realize they are the sheep being led to the slaughter not the ones getting vaccinated and wearing masks.

One thing the Reticula Alliance considered concerning but still entertaining was human wars. Everyone of them where because of resources or one country trying to prove they had a bigger dick than the other. Resources could easily be allocated in consideration of a nations population size and need. Also, if they did not fear science so much and think Jurassic Park, (good movie as these being thought), they could simply grow meat and other food. They could easily have enough resources and find alternatives. They watched as a nation the humans call Russia invaded the Ukraine and realized all nations that start wars on Earth should be treated like Russia, completely cut off from the rest of the war. Imagine if that happened when the United States invaded Iraq in 2003 the advanced beings thought. Any nation that invades another, and in some cases all parties to the war, are cut off from the international community. It would quickly dry up their funds, food and much more until they had to find a better solution since war is so out-dated. This has been done on many star systems and worked but humans are too warlike and the love ignorance so they are just entertainment.

Don't forget to check my bio and I hope you enjoyed this story.