THE ABYSS INSIDE

THE ABYSS INSIDE

**Monday**

I have always been fascinated by the ocean. Its depth, its vastness, it is too much for me to take. I know, it sounds ridiculous, to be such a huge fan of a place that I would never dare to go to. But that’s what it is.

There's just something about it that makes its beauty so mysterious and mind blowing.

At the same time, I am scared of it. Like, the idea of me being there totally freaks me out.

And what is even more ridiculous is that I feel like the ocean is calling me.

Consistently.

It is as if the ocean itself is inviting me to explore it, without any fear.

It’s happening every night now.

In my dreams.

I find myself lost in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, alone, peacefully floating in water. It is calm all around, almost no waves at all. And I don’t feel cold. The wind caresses my wet skin. The sun shines through the majestic blue of the waters. It is so beautiful out there that I forget about time.

Most of all, I am not scared.

Then I feel the need, probably out of curiosity, to see what’s underwater.

But every time, just when I am about to go down, I religiously wake up, very anxious. It seems that my fear is pulling me back somehow, even in my dreams. I don’t know why.

I think everything started when I was around 6 and my father brought me to the SEA LIFE London aquarium for the first time. As a veterinarian, he has such a passion for animals and, before going to sleep, instead of fairy tales, he would tell me about all the different animal species living on earth.

My dad’s one of a kind, I know.

Anyway, you can imagine how amazed I was as a little kid watching those animals in real life and so close to me.

One in particular though, really caught my attention that day. A shark. Precisely a sand Tiger shark. I remember being totally hypnotized by its slow movement, its pointy head, its stout and bulky body and its wide and threatening teeth.

My dad told me that despite its fearsome appearance and strong swimming ability, it is a relatively placid shark with no confirmed human fatalities. But for me, that vision became a nightmare. For some reason that I couldn’t explain, and that I still cannot explain today as a 34 year old grown man, I felt like I had already met a shark before that day. A different one. A bigger one. And that something happened. I don’t know what, I always thought that that little 6 year old me had a huge imagination. I was kind of a creative kid.

But anyway, yeah. Maybe my fear comes from that episode at the aquarium. I just can’t explain why all these dreams are happening right now.

**Tuesday**

Yesterday night, I dreamt about the ocean again. But I woke up again as soon as I tried to go down. I have to try harder and finally get over my fear.

**Wednesday**

I finally managed to go down. It was crazy. It really did feel like a true experience. I was blown away. The amazement I felt totally outshined my fears. All around me, the waters started emanating warm bioluminescent light. I was cuddled by that energy.

Then, in the middle of nowhere I saw it.

A shark, precisely a big Great White Shark, was staring at me.

I freaked out. I thought it would attack me.

That was it! I should have never done it.

Moments that felt like …. forever.

Until that massive white creature started approaching me. Immediately, I knew that I would be safe.

Because instead of attacking me, the shark was trying to… communicate with me. I could hear it distinctly. A gentle sound vibrating through the water, like a whisper. It was calling a name. I wrote it down so that I don’t forget.

Jason Reed.

**Thursday**

Jason Reed was a scuba diving teacher from New England who mysteriously disappeared on September 23, 1987 while he was scuba diving alone. The news reported that it was weird for an accredited teacher like him to go to the waters by himself as it is recommended to always be accompanied by someone. That is the day I was born…

******

Some time has passed now since my last dream. I keep remembering more and more about the life of Jason Reed. I remember his house, his wife, his students. It is incredible. He was 34 when he had that incident. My current age. I see why I started having all these dreams only now. After his death, Jason Reed’s wife, Miss Anne Reed, continued to donate to the school her husband was teaching. Her contribution helped get aspiring marine biologist in-the-field experience. I came across a page that she administers on Facebook which is about protecting the sharks from activities such as finning, culling and pollution.

Her last post says

“Dear Jason Reed. In a week from now it will be exactly 34 years since that terrible day. I never stopped loving and supporting you until today. I know that you would tell me not to get angry, because you just wanted to protect the underwater and teach people how to take care of it. You taught me how to live from a place of love and compassion. For a long time I prayed for you to give me a sign. To tell me what I don’t know. I only wish I were able to know. But I just want to let you know that I never pulled back, even when I found out about the terminal illness that is killing me. I will stand until I can. I never got that sign. So I prayed to the ocean to give me a sign.

Now I need all of your help.

Please help me celebrate my husband’s birthday by signing a petition against the senseless killing of Shark.

There hasn't been a fatal shark attack in Massachusetts since 1936 which is incredible and goes to show how unnecessary killing an important part of our oceans ecosystem really is. There are many other alternative measures that could be taken such as shark spotters, the use of drones, coast patrols, and aerial searches. We cannot continue to repeat our past mistakes, help protect New England’s oceans before it's too late.”

I think the sign has come.

****

The incredible journey that followed changed my life forever. Nothing happens for no reason and I believe that someone like me, so afraid of the ocean, so distant from all the problems going on, was supposed to experience what I experienced. My journey to New England, Jason Reed’s memory, my memories. That explains a lot of things.

If there’s something that I learned is that we are all energy and we are so connected. It just changes shapes and places but it is always here. And even if it seems crazy and absurd, when we allow ourselves to listen to the world and remind ourselves that we are it, that we are the world, then that is when we take control of our own power.

This is the journey of the Abyss inside.