That Girl

Never be the first to leave—because they will notice; but never be the last, because they'll expect it of you. Always smile just enough to be approachable, but not so much that they think you have nothing to say—or worse, that you're flirting. Unless you want to be that girl. The one that flirts. Never correct the boss in front of others—even if he is wrong—because it won't be he who pays for it, but you. It will always be your fault.

Always nod when listening, even though they aren't really speaking to you most of the time—they just like the sound of their own voice. Never let them call you ‘sweetheart’, ‘hun’, or ‘kiddo’ without correcting them—but say it lightly, with a laugh—in a way that lets them think they're doing you a favor. But not such a big favor that they expect a favor from you in return. No quid pro quo here. The scales are tipped.

Every morning, Mr. Gates likes his coffee black. His mail organized and lined up on the left hand of his desk. His correspondence printed on beige paper, his presentations on white. Use colored sticky notes to denote what he needs to focus on: yellow for today, orange for this week, green for next week, and blue for this month. His mantra: the key to an organized life - sticky notes.

Sticky buns—however—don’t ever let anyone call you that. So never bring in baked goods—no less sticky buns or cookies—unless you want to be that girl. The one who bakes. Or worse, the one with the sticky buns. No one will take you seriously. They'll start calling you Cookie.

Cookies—be sure to go into Mr. Bloch's computer every month and delete his cookies.

I believe you can set the computer to do that automatically—

Yes, but don’t trust the computers. Throw out the cookies. Throw out the trash - his computer trash , that is- Mr. Bloch doesn't remember to do that. Sticky note or not. Write everything down. Everything. In meetings, always take notes, even if no one else does—be that girl. The one that takes notes. Write down everyone's names in the room—what they said, who they looked at, what they didn’t say.

Excuse me—how do you write down something that wasn't said?

You just do. There’s silence that matters more than words, and one day you’ll learn what to listen for. There will be a day when someone forgets what was said, or who said it, and they’ll look to you. Be that girl. The one that remembers. Remember everything. Everyone. Every time. Time—make sure meetings start and end on time, so you must be on time, which means being ahead of schedule. Which you will also be in charge of—for Mr. Wallace, Mr. Williams, Mr. Bloch, and Mr. Gates.

Their schedules?

Yes—Misters Wallace, Williams, Bloch, Gates, Danforth, and Dillon, actually. Never wear the same outfit or color twice in one week, or more than four times in one month. After her father died, Jane from Accounting wore the same black outfit and dark glasses for over a month. Unless you want to be that girl. Never let them see you cry unless it’s strategic. Unless you know exactly who’s watching. Always proofread every letter and presentation before final printing. Proofread every email, and be sure to double—no, triple—check who you're replying to. Make sure it’s going to who you think you're replying to—and that you haven’t hit “Reply All.” Don’t be that girl. The one who tells the entire company that Mr. Danforth, our Chief Financial Officer, was at the Chinese restaurant downtown—Mr. Li’s Secret Temple—with his assistant, having mai tais in the back booths after hours. Always say yes to Happy Hour, but never drink more than one—someone is always watching. Susan from Marketing told me that Karen from Programming went to Happy Hour with the Sales team. She had three, maybe four drinks, showed up late to work—walking in at the exact same time as Mr.Wallace from Sales— wearing the exact same skirt she had on the day before. Don’t be that girl. Be sure to staple all of Mr. Danforth’s letters and files, and paperclip all of Mr. Dalton’s. When filing, put each document in its folder—most recent to oldest in Mr. Dalton’s files, and oldest to most recent in Mr. Danforth’s. Do it right. Do it perfectly. Be that girl. Until they promote someone else and ask you to train him.

Author’s Note:

This piece was written as an assignment for my flash fiction class through The Porch’s "Get Out Your Shorts". After reading Jamaica Kincaid’s "Girl", I was inspired to reflect on my own experiences working in various offices—particularly under a series of male bosses. Kincaid’s rhythmic, instructive style sparked this exploration of the unspoken rules and coded behaviors often expected of women in professional spaces.